94.
"It was no issue Mayor I mean if I ran across someone surrounded by bodies with a shotgun I'd probably arrest them too." Gilbert and Clarissa had only been detained a couple of hours by the local police, just long enough for the police to make sure that yep those were Reebs. Gilbert didn't necessarily mind, he got to take a shower and there wasn't anyone else in the cell aside from Clarissa so it wasn't like he got hassled. It was actually one of the nicer times he'd been arrested. They were already on the road again when the mayor called.
"It's really ok Mayor, just pay our normal fee, right yep ok well you have a pleasant evening too." Gilbert hung up the phone and handed it back to Clarissa so he could resume driving.
"So we're good?"
"Oh yeah apparently killing off a colony retiree eating creatures is a public service, and we got overtime pay, even a key to the city."
"A city that has like a coffee shop, 3 chain stores, and didn't realize an entire retirement community of people were missing." Gilbert chuckled.
"Yeah, I've got a couple keys like that, and they are always ceremonial, one of the saddest days I ever had was realizing it wasn't an actual key to the city." Clarissa hadn't thought of that, but it actually made sense.
"So do you think I'll be able to get my jeep eventually or will they keep it in impound forever?"
"As an apology the Mayor said he'd have someone drive it to the office, don't know how much of an apology that is knowing how cops drive, but you'll get it back."
"Well now that that's all wrapped up I guess we go back and cool our heels for the winter?" Clarissa had already been done with the idea of any kind of seasonal spooks.
"Nah just October, soon enough turkey farms will be calling to get us there to deal with wereturkeys." Clarissa laughed and Gilbert just shook his head. "I'm serious."
"Wereturkeys? Like the bird that looks up and drowns?"
"Well that's regular turkeys and they are dumb as hell yes, but wereturkeys are dangerous, they infect the stupid turkeys and turn them viscous." Gilbert had a look in his eyes that seemed to Clarissa there was more to it than just what he was saying.
"Do you have a history with Wereturkeys?" Gilbert nodded.
"My first real commercial job was Wereturkeys, and honestly it almost broke me as an exterminator, It was 1981..."
Friday, November 2, 2018
Friday, October 26, 2018
Too SpookTobery
93.
Gilbert had pulled into Mrs. Clausens driveway behind Clarissa's jeep. He was looking in the back of the van with his flashlight in his mouth trying to decide on the optimal way to open the front door. He looked around at the quiet neighborhood and was worried if he just blew open the door lock someone would call the police, but he didn't have time to just pick a lock especially if it was dead bolted or latched on the inside. He picked up a double barrel shotgun and an ammo belt with the rest of his bag of supplies and made his way to the front door. He loaded some solid shot into the double barrell and aimed at where he figured the hinges were on the door. The first shot knocked the door mostly off its frame, the second had it hanging by just the door chain. He moved past it reloading the shotgun with rock salt as he did.
"Knock knock."
The inside did look very seventies to Gilbert, but unlike Clarissa had seen it, he could see how broken down it all was. The Reeb was not trying to hide itself from Gilbert. It was dark aside from the light coming from the door way from outside. Gilbert turned on the head lamp he'd brought with him, he thought it looked ridiculous on the job, but he'd rather look stupid and live then try and juggle a flash light with the kit he'd brought.
Clarissa had said she was in the basement, so that's where Gilbert thought he'd start. He was mildly alarmed he had not heard her scream, but the creature probably had her gagged. Reeb's were a type of vampire, they liked their victims to feel fear to "sweeten" the blood according to the book Gilbert had. This the first one Gilbert had run into, but he recalled Larry telling him about them before, he remembered the name more than anything. The basement door was open, almost like an invitation, he knew the Reeb knew he was coming, he just hoped it didn't know he was exactly the type of exterminator that could kill it.
The basement had a smell to it. The kind of thing you almost swore you could see. Gilbert wished he brought a mask to protect him from the smell. He saw the photos Clarissa had noticed, he found Clarissa's phone, but he did not find Clarissa. Panic set in, Gilbert practically ran back up the stairs and cleared the rest of the house, no one was home. He emerged expecting the police having been called by the gun shot, but no one was there. It was only then he noticed no other house on the block had lights on. It was late at night but someone would have had a porch light or some kind of light on. Nothing, it was a like a localized power outage. He felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise up. The whole neighborhood was infested with Reebs.
****
"BE AFRAID OF ME!" The Reeb was now fully just what it was, a pale narrow faced creature with big black eyes. It had moved Clarissa to a nearby house and strung her up, she was next to the rotting corpse of someone. She couldn't even make out if it had been a man or a woman.
"Sorry I've just seen scarier." After the initial attack Clarissa wasn't really afraid of the Reeb, it was kind of a small pathetic creature.
"You're not afraid of me? I can drink your blood for months, draining you slowly until you'll be begging for death, and you'are not afraid of that?"
"I mean you smell bad there's that, but no? I guess not really you're just not that scary, kind of sad, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings." The rage building up in the Reeb was amusing to Clarissa, it let her keep from being too afraid knowing that's probably what the creature wanted. The Reeb through a tantrum as it left slamming the door, which caused Clarissa to laugh more. She wondered what the Reeb would come back with to scare her, maybe dressed as a clown, just the thought of that caused her to laugh more. Clarissa laughed so hard she missed the arguing in the hall until a shotgun roar sent the Reeb through the door into her room. Clarissa was relieved Gilbert was the reason behind the shotgun.
"What was that buckshot?" The Reeb's chest was open, black organs leaking on to the carpet.
"Rock salt."
"Good lord I'm glad to see you." Gilbert cut Clarissa down, and took out a squirt bottle from his pack spraying it on the corpse of the Reeb. The body started melting fully releasing a smell that caused Clarissa to cough.
"Acid?"
"Olive oil."
"Ok are we killing these things or cooking them?" Gilbert laughed
"Bit of both, I got some more shit in the van, the Reeb moved you down the street, but we should be able to make it back there with the stuff I got."
"We have more than one Reeb?"
"Whole neighborhood full of them."
"Beginning to hate October Gilbert."
Gilbert had pulled into Mrs. Clausens driveway behind Clarissa's jeep. He was looking in the back of the van with his flashlight in his mouth trying to decide on the optimal way to open the front door. He looked around at the quiet neighborhood and was worried if he just blew open the door lock someone would call the police, but he didn't have time to just pick a lock especially if it was dead bolted or latched on the inside. He picked up a double barrel shotgun and an ammo belt with the rest of his bag of supplies and made his way to the front door. He loaded some solid shot into the double barrell and aimed at where he figured the hinges were on the door. The first shot knocked the door mostly off its frame, the second had it hanging by just the door chain. He moved past it reloading the shotgun with rock salt as he did.
"Knock knock."
The inside did look very seventies to Gilbert, but unlike Clarissa had seen it, he could see how broken down it all was. The Reeb was not trying to hide itself from Gilbert. It was dark aside from the light coming from the door way from outside. Gilbert turned on the head lamp he'd brought with him, he thought it looked ridiculous on the job, but he'd rather look stupid and live then try and juggle a flash light with the kit he'd brought.
Clarissa had said she was in the basement, so that's where Gilbert thought he'd start. He was mildly alarmed he had not heard her scream, but the creature probably had her gagged. Reeb's were a type of vampire, they liked their victims to feel fear to "sweeten" the blood according to the book Gilbert had. This the first one Gilbert had run into, but he recalled Larry telling him about them before, he remembered the name more than anything. The basement door was open, almost like an invitation, he knew the Reeb knew he was coming, he just hoped it didn't know he was exactly the type of exterminator that could kill it.
The basement had a smell to it. The kind of thing you almost swore you could see. Gilbert wished he brought a mask to protect him from the smell. He saw the photos Clarissa had noticed, he found Clarissa's phone, but he did not find Clarissa. Panic set in, Gilbert practically ran back up the stairs and cleared the rest of the house, no one was home. He emerged expecting the police having been called by the gun shot, but no one was there. It was only then he noticed no other house on the block had lights on. It was late at night but someone would have had a porch light or some kind of light on. Nothing, it was a like a localized power outage. He felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise up. The whole neighborhood was infested with Reebs.
****
"BE AFRAID OF ME!" The Reeb was now fully just what it was, a pale narrow faced creature with big black eyes. It had moved Clarissa to a nearby house and strung her up, she was next to the rotting corpse of someone. She couldn't even make out if it had been a man or a woman.
"Sorry I've just seen scarier." After the initial attack Clarissa wasn't really afraid of the Reeb, it was kind of a small pathetic creature.
"You're not afraid of me? I can drink your blood for months, draining you slowly until you'll be begging for death, and you'are not afraid of that?"
"I mean you smell bad there's that, but no? I guess not really you're just not that scary, kind of sad, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings." The rage building up in the Reeb was amusing to Clarissa, it let her keep from being too afraid knowing that's probably what the creature wanted. The Reeb through a tantrum as it left slamming the door, which caused Clarissa to laugh more. She wondered what the Reeb would come back with to scare her, maybe dressed as a clown, just the thought of that caused her to laugh more. Clarissa laughed so hard she missed the arguing in the hall until a shotgun roar sent the Reeb through the door into her room. Clarissa was relieved Gilbert was the reason behind the shotgun.
"What was that buckshot?" The Reeb's chest was open, black organs leaking on to the carpet.
"Rock salt."
"Good lord I'm glad to see you." Gilbert cut Clarissa down, and took out a squirt bottle from his pack spraying it on the corpse of the Reeb. The body started melting fully releasing a smell that caused Clarissa to cough.
"Acid?"
"Olive oil."
"Ok are we killing these things or cooking them?" Gilbert laughed
"Bit of both, I got some more shit in the van, the Reeb moved you down the street, but we should be able to make it back there with the stuff I got."
"We have more than one Reeb?"
"Whole neighborhood full of them."
"Beginning to hate October Gilbert."
Friday, October 19, 2018
Like No Rat
92.
"Do you see anything dear?" Clarissa had been in the basement for twenty minutes and aside from dust and more awful 70's decor it was mostly just a boring basement. She had actually been on her cellphone on the last 10 minutes trying to figure out what rat signs look like.
"No Mrs. Clausen I'm not seeing anything, but I'm giving it a thorough once over I assure you." Clarissa was disappointed, she assumed something had to have been down there, but she was more increasingly convinced the only thing haunting Clausen was her loneliness. She found lots of pictures in the basement, boxes and boxes of them of family members who probably no longer visited, it broke Clarissa's heart.
"Well you be careful down there dearie, whatever it is it makes an awful sound." Clarissa hadn't heard anything, she could barely hear Mrs. Clausen above her. In desperation she called Gilbert.
"So what's haunting Mrs. Clausen?" Gilbert was chewing on something Clarissa thought it was rather rude to be eating while talking.
"What do Rats look like?"
"Brown, big tails, big ole buck teeth." Clarissa rubbed her temples for asking an obvious dumb question.
"No I mean like signs of them."
"Oh," Gilbert smiled he knew what Clarissa meant the first time, but wanted to be a dick anyway, "Usually be some large holes, things chewed up, droppings, you'll hear them too, if they are big enough they make an awful thumping in walls as they go, its no shock people think they are monsters sometimes, you see any of that?" Clarissa didn't see any of that, She hadn't seen a damn thing in the basement other than the photos and furniture.
"No nothing just some sad old memories of a lonely old person."
"The real monster loneliness, god knows I've been there, maybe she just needs someone to talk to." Clarissa was about to agree when movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She thought at first it was Mrs. Clausen, but whatever it was had been white all white and not as big as Clausen.
"Gilbert I just saw something."
"Was it a rat?"
"No I didn't get a good look but it looked to be like chalk white and about the size of a small child." Gilbert stopped his chewing for a moment, that description reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. He moved to his books and took one down starting to just thumb through pages.
"Clausen wasn't acting funny was she?"
"Define funny she was fully dressed in like a pants suit and her house looks like a tribute to the seventies."
"That's definitely acting funny, hold on put me on speaker phone and keep your eyes open." Clarissa did as she was told, she didn't see the white creature, but she felt it watching her now. The feeling was like finally noticing the garbage smell in your house after months of not noticing a rotten egg, it put her at ill ease just standing in the basement.
"I'm not seeing anything, but its rather dark down here Gilbert, could just be my imagination."
"You ever hear the phrase your first instinct is usually correct?"
"Is that a phrase?"
"Yeah its a damn kids swear to god," Clarissa chuckled it was the nervous laughter of someone trying not to lose it, "Do you see any photos down there?"
"Loads of them."
"Is Mrs Clausen in any of them?" Clarissa felt that chill up her back again, she hadn't even thought about that as she'd looked at the photos, but she hadn't seen a single one with Clausen in them.
"Oh god she's not, she's not at all Gilbert." Gilbert himself felt goose bumps on his arm, he frantically flipped pages until he got to the creature he remembered.
"It's a Reeb."
"A what?"
"Pick up your phone, get your shit and get out of there."
"Who are you talking to dear?" Clarissa damn near jumped out of her skin, Mrs. Clausen was uncomfortably close to her, and now Clarissa could see her clothes didn't look neat, they were in fact frayed and didn't fit properly. Clausen's skin also sagged in a way that no normal human persons would and her eyes were too large with no white just black. How Clarissa had misssed this the first time, was probably related to what was in the basement.
"My uhh boss, I thought I saw some rats down here, but I uhh this is embarrassing I didn't know the signs of rats."
"Oh I see a rat too my dear, I see one right in front of me." The line went silent for Gilbert and he knew the Reeb had gotten Clarissa. Gilbert knew he had some time, but not a whole lot, thankfully she had texted him the address before she left. He gathered some things and didn't even tell Doris good bye, Gilbert didn't even belt himself in before starting the Van.
"Do you see anything dear?" Clarissa had been in the basement for twenty minutes and aside from dust and more awful 70's decor it was mostly just a boring basement. She had actually been on her cellphone on the last 10 minutes trying to figure out what rat signs look like.
"No Mrs. Clausen I'm not seeing anything, but I'm giving it a thorough once over I assure you." Clarissa was disappointed, she assumed something had to have been down there, but she was more increasingly convinced the only thing haunting Clausen was her loneliness. She found lots of pictures in the basement, boxes and boxes of them of family members who probably no longer visited, it broke Clarissa's heart.
"Well you be careful down there dearie, whatever it is it makes an awful sound." Clarissa hadn't heard anything, she could barely hear Mrs. Clausen above her. In desperation she called Gilbert.
"So what's haunting Mrs. Clausen?" Gilbert was chewing on something Clarissa thought it was rather rude to be eating while talking.
"What do Rats look like?"
"Brown, big tails, big ole buck teeth." Clarissa rubbed her temples for asking an obvious dumb question.
"No I mean like signs of them."
"Oh," Gilbert smiled he knew what Clarissa meant the first time, but wanted to be a dick anyway, "Usually be some large holes, things chewed up, droppings, you'll hear them too, if they are big enough they make an awful thumping in walls as they go, its no shock people think they are monsters sometimes, you see any of that?" Clarissa didn't see any of that, She hadn't seen a damn thing in the basement other than the photos and furniture.
"No nothing just some sad old memories of a lonely old person."
"The real monster loneliness, god knows I've been there, maybe she just needs someone to talk to." Clarissa was about to agree when movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She thought at first it was Mrs. Clausen, but whatever it was had been white all white and not as big as Clausen.
"Gilbert I just saw something."
"Was it a rat?"
"No I didn't get a good look but it looked to be like chalk white and about the size of a small child." Gilbert stopped his chewing for a moment, that description reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. He moved to his books and took one down starting to just thumb through pages.
"Clausen wasn't acting funny was she?"
"Define funny she was fully dressed in like a pants suit and her house looks like a tribute to the seventies."
"That's definitely acting funny, hold on put me on speaker phone and keep your eyes open." Clarissa did as she was told, she didn't see the white creature, but she felt it watching her now. The feeling was like finally noticing the garbage smell in your house after months of not noticing a rotten egg, it put her at ill ease just standing in the basement.
"I'm not seeing anything, but its rather dark down here Gilbert, could just be my imagination."
"You ever hear the phrase your first instinct is usually correct?"
"Is that a phrase?"
"Yeah its a damn kids swear to god," Clarissa chuckled it was the nervous laughter of someone trying not to lose it, "Do you see any photos down there?"
"Loads of them."
"Is Mrs Clausen in any of them?" Clarissa felt that chill up her back again, she hadn't even thought about that as she'd looked at the photos, but she hadn't seen a single one with Clausen in them.
"Oh god she's not, she's not at all Gilbert." Gilbert himself felt goose bumps on his arm, he frantically flipped pages until he got to the creature he remembered.
"It's a Reeb."
"A what?"
"Pick up your phone, get your shit and get out of there."
"Who are you talking to dear?" Clarissa damn near jumped out of her skin, Mrs. Clausen was uncomfortably close to her, and now Clarissa could see her clothes didn't look neat, they were in fact frayed and didn't fit properly. Clausen's skin also sagged in a way that no normal human persons would and her eyes were too large with no white just black. How Clarissa had misssed this the first time, was probably related to what was in the basement.
"My uhh boss, I thought I saw some rats down here, but I uhh this is embarrassing I didn't know the signs of rats."
"Oh I see a rat too my dear, I see one right in front of me." The line went silent for Gilbert and he knew the Reeb had gotten Clarissa. Gilbert knew he had some time, but not a whole lot, thankfully she had texted him the address before she left. He gathered some things and didn't even tell Doris good bye, Gilbert didn't even belt himself in before starting the Van.
Friday, October 12, 2018
All Signs Point to Not Promising
91.
"Well I didn't want you to worry Gilbert is all." Clarissa had called Gilbert as soon as she had gotten to her jeep. She didn't want him to freak out that she was doing work, or be mad she didn't expect to get paid.
"I appreciate it, but you can handle this one on your own, probably just rats, though be careful rats can be mean little bastards." Gilbert remembered once he almost lost an eye to a rat suddenly lunging at him, he felt himself absent mindidly scratching near the eye.
"You sure? What if its not rats? What if its a secret Witch Cabal?"
"Well A. Witches aren't really a thing, I didn't say it earlier but yeah not a thing, and B. I highly doubt she left a note at a store to bring you to her secret Cabal that can not possibly exist in the first place. Make sure to wear a jumpsuit, don't want to get that dirt and shit on your clothes, also a mask, old places tend to have bad building materials."
"Yes dad."
"You'll thank me when you're fifty and your lungs work, have fun doing your spooky old lady house, I might have a line on something, its also probably nothing, but you said you wanted work." Clarissa smiled, her spooktober would be a thing!
"Sweet, well I'll check in with uhhh Mrs. Clausen and then check back in with you after I'm done."
"You do that, and on the off chance its job worthy be careful and bring our cards! This might be a charity case for you, but we aren't a charity."
"Will do Boss." Clarissa hung up and Gilbert looked over at Doris who was frowning at him.
"Don't look at me like that."
"You don't have anymore work."
"Well always been meaning to check out that ghost town in arizona."
"A ghost town?"
"Doris don't you have shows you should be watching?"
"You yell at me when I watch TV."
"Well I'm yelling at you now for bothering me, so go back to watching TV."
"Can't please you ever old man."
"DORIS!"
"Right right watching my TV, go look up your ghost town." Gilbert muttered under his breath he would go look up his ghost town. He secretly hoped Clarissa did stumble on to a real job, he already felt bored.
****
Clarissa pulled into the driveway and her heart was already in her stomach. The house looked like a normal rambler in a fairly average suburb neighborhood. The grass was even well maintained. Nothing looked out place, she double and triple checked the address, hoping she was wrong, but that was not the case. This was the address Clausen had provided. Clarissa didn't even know how to approach the house, she had on her jumpsuit with GD Exterminators she hoped that would be enough.
"Hello?" The old woman was fully dressed in a neat pantsuit she looked like she was ready for work at a bank or something.
"I'm sorry if I came at a bad time, Larry from the Double O sent me." Mrs. Clausen looked puzzled for a bit, and then like a light going on in her head.
"Oh the exterminator, come in come in." Inside the woman's house looked like it was the seventies all over again, walls painted in orange with deep shag carpeting covering the living room. The furniture was an awful lime green that Clarissa felt looked more like vomit than a good furniture color. Mrs. Clausen indicated a small table and some chairs she could sit at and Clarissa took her seat.
"So what exactly has been happening?" Nothing appeared out of the ordinary other than the decor.
"Its the basement, something is in my basement." The something sent a chill down Clarissa's spine, but she was also excited, maybe it would be a real case after all!
"Can you show me?" Mrs. Clausen pointed a shaky finger toward her kitchen and a door that was across from the stove.
Clarissa got up from the table and made her way toward the door, she noticed dust in the kitchen, as if no one had been in there in a while. There were also no lights on, but the switches were flipped to the on position indicating the bulbs had burnt out. Whatever was in the basement had scared Mrs. Clausen so bad she had left her kitchen and not returned. The door to the basement looked normal enough even with a lock to keep something in theory down stairs. Mrs. Clausen seemed on edge as Clarissa approached the door, she undid the latch and heard the old woman catch a breath. Clarissa cursed herself for not bringing any weapons, all she had was a flash light and her cell phone, she hadn't expected to be plunging into the unknown.
The door opened, Clarissa bravely took up her flash light and into the depths she went.
"Well I didn't want you to worry Gilbert is all." Clarissa had called Gilbert as soon as she had gotten to her jeep. She didn't want him to freak out that she was doing work, or be mad she didn't expect to get paid.
"I appreciate it, but you can handle this one on your own, probably just rats, though be careful rats can be mean little bastards." Gilbert remembered once he almost lost an eye to a rat suddenly lunging at him, he felt himself absent mindidly scratching near the eye.
"You sure? What if its not rats? What if its a secret Witch Cabal?"
"Well A. Witches aren't really a thing, I didn't say it earlier but yeah not a thing, and B. I highly doubt she left a note at a store to bring you to her secret Cabal that can not possibly exist in the first place. Make sure to wear a jumpsuit, don't want to get that dirt and shit on your clothes, also a mask, old places tend to have bad building materials."
"Yes dad."
"You'll thank me when you're fifty and your lungs work, have fun doing your spooky old lady house, I might have a line on something, its also probably nothing, but you said you wanted work." Clarissa smiled, her spooktober would be a thing!
"Sweet, well I'll check in with uhhh Mrs. Clausen and then check back in with you after I'm done."
"You do that, and on the off chance its job worthy be careful and bring our cards! This might be a charity case for you, but we aren't a charity."
"Will do Boss." Clarissa hung up and Gilbert looked over at Doris who was frowning at him.
"Don't look at me like that."
"You don't have anymore work."
"Well always been meaning to check out that ghost town in arizona."
"A ghost town?"
"Doris don't you have shows you should be watching?"
"You yell at me when I watch TV."
"Well I'm yelling at you now for bothering me, so go back to watching TV."
"Can't please you ever old man."
"DORIS!"
"Right right watching my TV, go look up your ghost town." Gilbert muttered under his breath he would go look up his ghost town. He secretly hoped Clarissa did stumble on to a real job, he already felt bored.
****
Clarissa pulled into the driveway and her heart was already in her stomach. The house looked like a normal rambler in a fairly average suburb neighborhood. The grass was even well maintained. Nothing looked out place, she double and triple checked the address, hoping she was wrong, but that was not the case. This was the address Clausen had provided. Clarissa didn't even know how to approach the house, she had on her jumpsuit with GD Exterminators she hoped that would be enough.
"Hello?" The old woman was fully dressed in a neat pantsuit she looked like she was ready for work at a bank or something.
"I'm sorry if I came at a bad time, Larry from the Double O sent me." Mrs. Clausen looked puzzled for a bit, and then like a light going on in her head.
"Oh the exterminator, come in come in." Inside the woman's house looked like it was the seventies all over again, walls painted in orange with deep shag carpeting covering the living room. The furniture was an awful lime green that Clarissa felt looked more like vomit than a good furniture color. Mrs. Clausen indicated a small table and some chairs she could sit at and Clarissa took her seat.
"So what exactly has been happening?" Nothing appeared out of the ordinary other than the decor.
"Its the basement, something is in my basement." The something sent a chill down Clarissa's spine, but she was also excited, maybe it would be a real case after all!
"Can you show me?" Mrs. Clausen pointed a shaky finger toward her kitchen and a door that was across from the stove.
Clarissa got up from the table and made her way toward the door, she noticed dust in the kitchen, as if no one had been in there in a while. There were also no lights on, but the switches were flipped to the on position indicating the bulbs had burnt out. Whatever was in the basement had scared Mrs. Clausen so bad she had left her kitchen and not returned. The door to the basement looked normal enough even with a lock to keep something in theory down stairs. Mrs. Clausen seemed on edge as Clarissa approached the door, she undid the latch and heard the old woman catch a breath. Clarissa cursed herself for not bringing any weapons, all she had was a flash light and her cell phone, she hadn't expected to be plunging into the unknown.
The door opened, Clarissa bravely took up her flash light and into the depths she went.
Friday, October 5, 2018
SpookTober
90.
"It's literally our slowest month of the year." Clarissa had recovered from her injury, but now she was upset about October.
"How? How is that possible? It's literally the spookiest month of the year and you're telling me no one calls us out?" Clarissa was excited to use all the new monster knowledge she'd been reading up on since she'd been out of action.
"I dunno guess monsters take the month off since humanity goes all in, I mean we'll have some jobs maybe, but it's mostly quiet."
"But how? HOW?"
"After all you two have done recently you don't want to take it easy?" Doris welcomed it being slower, it meant Gilbert wouldn't be on her about watching TV at work.
"I refuse to accept this lying down! I'm going to find someone being harrased by a witches coven summoning zombies and this month will be spooky!" Clarissa stomped out of the office and Gilbert and Doris shrugged, she was young she'd learn soon enough.
"The young are weird Gilbert."
"I think she just wants to be involved in something, I'll call around maybe there's some plague of rats or something I can scrounge up."
"You go looking for work? Are you sure you came out ok from the Devil almost taking your soul?"
"I wonder that myself Doris, I wonder that myself." Gilbert retreated to his office and Doris went back to watching TV, she hoped he would not be successful in finding work. Gilbert too hoped he would be unsuccessful in finding work.
****
"Seriously nothing?" Clarissa had gone to the Double O, it was completely deserted, not even regular exterminators were coming and going.
Larry shrugged, "It's normally a slow month kid I don't know what to tell you."
"But its a spooky month! We kill creatures of the night, you can't tell me there aren't any out there." Larry shrugged again.
"Well I did have an old woman come in..."
"I'll take it."
"Probably just nerves or the grand kids aren't coming, but I'll get her address just let me go to the back."
"Thanks Larry."
"Yeah just don't be cursing my name when you're stuck drinking weak tea and looking for rats in some old dusty crawl space." Clarissa was out the door as soon as Larry had come back with the slip. She was sure that this old woman totally would lead to a witches coven or a zombie cult, or something. It was october god damn it and she was going to do something spooky at her spooky job!
"It's literally our slowest month of the year." Clarissa had recovered from her injury, but now she was upset about October.
"How? How is that possible? It's literally the spookiest month of the year and you're telling me no one calls us out?" Clarissa was excited to use all the new monster knowledge she'd been reading up on since she'd been out of action.
"I dunno guess monsters take the month off since humanity goes all in, I mean we'll have some jobs maybe, but it's mostly quiet."
"But how? HOW?"
"After all you two have done recently you don't want to take it easy?" Doris welcomed it being slower, it meant Gilbert wouldn't be on her about watching TV at work.
"I refuse to accept this lying down! I'm going to find someone being harrased by a witches coven summoning zombies and this month will be spooky!" Clarissa stomped out of the office and Gilbert and Doris shrugged, she was young she'd learn soon enough.
"The young are weird Gilbert."
"I think she just wants to be involved in something, I'll call around maybe there's some plague of rats or something I can scrounge up."
"You go looking for work? Are you sure you came out ok from the Devil almost taking your soul?"
"I wonder that myself Doris, I wonder that myself." Gilbert retreated to his office and Doris went back to watching TV, she hoped he would not be successful in finding work. Gilbert too hoped he would be unsuccessful in finding work.
****
"Seriously nothing?" Clarissa had gone to the Double O, it was completely deserted, not even regular exterminators were coming and going.
Larry shrugged, "It's normally a slow month kid I don't know what to tell you."
"But its a spooky month! We kill creatures of the night, you can't tell me there aren't any out there." Larry shrugged again.
"Well I did have an old woman come in..."
"I'll take it."
"Probably just nerves or the grand kids aren't coming, but I'll get her address just let me go to the back."
"Thanks Larry."
"Yeah just don't be cursing my name when you're stuck drinking weak tea and looking for rats in some old dusty crawl space." Clarissa was out the door as soon as Larry had come back with the slip. She was sure that this old woman totally would lead to a witches coven or a zombie cult, or something. It was october god damn it and she was going to do something spooky at her spooky job!
Friday, September 28, 2018
Independent Contractors
89.
Gunshots and screams. That's what her plan had come down to, gunshots and screams. Gilbert Dunkley had beaten her and she was left wondering how. Parker's minions were dying, the magical spells she'd worked, the time she'd waited and stupid bullets were destroying all of it. She knew someone strong was backing Dunkley, but it didn't matter, she'd lost, he'd won.
"Dunkley!" She screamed at him when the door blew open. Gilbert was not alone though, she figured he'd have brought his assistant, but it was worse he'd brought Satan himself.
"Hello Parker, good of you to be in such an obvious place."
"I should have known."
"You should have, I mean Dunkley is a great instrument, but only a master maestro could orchestrate this set up, and you were so kind to be stupidly easy to manipulate." Gilbert shot Parker and he shocked expression told the story.
"Are we done now?" Gilbert wanted all of this to be over, he was tired of the devil, tired of the list, and mostly just tired.
"I was monologuing Gilbert that was rude, and we are a long way from being done." The devil turned his hand slightly and Gilbert dropped the pistol. "Just like Parker you're too easy to manipulate, take away a toy, give you a new one, and a purpose and away you go, make sure its just dangerous to strip you of your support and here you are, now my personal slave."
"All a set up then?"
"Well I am the lord of lies, I would feel kind of stupid if I was telling you the truth." Gilbert felt the pull of hell at his feet. A burning pain that worked its way up his legs. And then it stopped, the devil's power was revoked.
"That'll beeeeeeeeeeee alllll today Lucifer." The demon game warden Santinni was there with Clarissa.
"What is the meaning of this Santinni you work for me!" Satan tried to fight the lock on his power, but it was absolute.
"Worked for you, but I believe as you explained it to me I'm an 'independent' contractor, annnnnnddd you are poaching, time to go to hell." Santinni snapped his fingers and Lucifer went down in a gout of flame. One final snarl as he went. Clarissa ran to Gilbert, he was surprised but unharmed.
"How did you know?" It was an open question to either of them.
"Your asssssssistant clued me in, ifffffff you realllllllly wantedddd to make a deal with a demon Gilbert, I'm hurt it wasn't me. Still poaching is a serious offense, and Lucifer will spend some time in time out, he will be back, so be ready for that." Santinni collected the .45s as they were "proof" of the crime and left.
"Thank god that's over." Clarissa hugged Gilbert again and he returned it making sure to be soft on her injured arm.
"Well its not really over, but nothing ever is is it? Lets go home, can you drive? I feel like I want to sleep for a very long time." Clarissa didn't know if she could really drive all that well with her arm, but seeing as Santinni hell magic'd her over there it wasn't like she had any other options.
"Sure, just like don't be bothered by the bumps." And so they drove back to Ellensburgh, the world safe again, for a time.
Gunshots and screams. That's what her plan had come down to, gunshots and screams. Gilbert Dunkley had beaten her and she was left wondering how. Parker's minions were dying, the magical spells she'd worked, the time she'd waited and stupid bullets were destroying all of it. She knew someone strong was backing Dunkley, but it didn't matter, she'd lost, he'd won.
"Dunkley!" She screamed at him when the door blew open. Gilbert was not alone though, she figured he'd have brought his assistant, but it was worse he'd brought Satan himself.
"Hello Parker, good of you to be in such an obvious place."
"I should have known."
"You should have, I mean Dunkley is a great instrument, but only a master maestro could orchestrate this set up, and you were so kind to be stupidly easy to manipulate." Gilbert shot Parker and he shocked expression told the story.
"Are we done now?" Gilbert wanted all of this to be over, he was tired of the devil, tired of the list, and mostly just tired.
"I was monologuing Gilbert that was rude, and we are a long way from being done." The devil turned his hand slightly and Gilbert dropped the pistol. "Just like Parker you're too easy to manipulate, take away a toy, give you a new one, and a purpose and away you go, make sure its just dangerous to strip you of your support and here you are, now my personal slave."
"All a set up then?"
"Well I am the lord of lies, I would feel kind of stupid if I was telling you the truth." Gilbert felt the pull of hell at his feet. A burning pain that worked its way up his legs. And then it stopped, the devil's power was revoked.
"That'll beeeeeeeeeeee alllll today Lucifer." The demon game warden Santinni was there with Clarissa.
"What is the meaning of this Santinni you work for me!" Satan tried to fight the lock on his power, but it was absolute.
"Worked for you, but I believe as you explained it to me I'm an 'independent' contractor, annnnnnddd you are poaching, time to go to hell." Santinni snapped his fingers and Lucifer went down in a gout of flame. One final snarl as he went. Clarissa ran to Gilbert, he was surprised but unharmed.
"How did you know?" It was an open question to either of them.
"Your asssssssistant clued me in, ifffffff you realllllllly wantedddd to make a deal with a demon Gilbert, I'm hurt it wasn't me. Still poaching is a serious offense, and Lucifer will spend some time in time out, he will be back, so be ready for that." Santinni collected the .45s as they were "proof" of the crime and left.
"Thank god that's over." Clarissa hugged Gilbert again and he returned it making sure to be soft on her injured arm.
"Well its not really over, but nothing ever is is it? Lets go home, can you drive? I feel like I want to sleep for a very long time." Clarissa didn't know if she could really drive all that well with her arm, but seeing as Santinni hell magic'd her over there it wasn't like she had any other options.
"Sure, just like don't be bothered by the bumps." And so they drove back to Ellensburgh, the world safe again, for a time.
Friday, September 21, 2018
The Devil Lies It's What He Does
88.
"So that happened." Clarissa caught Demurra up on her interaction with the Devil. Demurra had actually been banished several thousand miles away, something she said was the devil being nice as he could have sent her a lot worse places.
"He must be really afraid of you."
"I'm sorry I don't follow you there."
"The devil wants you away from Gilbert, he's afraid of you, something he's doing here you can stop and he knows that and so he's trying to scare you off." Clarissa was even more confused.
"What am I against the devil?"
"So modest you are. You've stood up against creatures scary and strong and come out on top, the forest creatures alone are as old and terrifying as the devil and you went in looking for someone you didn't even know. The devil is afraid of you in a way he's not afraid of Gilbert and that power honey, that's real power." Clarissa rubbed her healing arm and didn't feel very powerful.
"I guess I don't see it."
"Because you were raised to be subserviant, its something that honestly ironic about americans, for all your individualism and standing on your own, your schooling and parenting generally wants you to subvert to authorities and never take a stand for yourself. You are told to obey obey obey, and yet sell yourselves as rugged individualists, its hilarious and sad." Clarissa frowned, she hadn't thought of it like that, but it made sense.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Believe in yourself! Slap the devil in the dick and help Gilbert or do whatever you want, Clarissa you're hurt and I know you've been feeling down about that, but this arm will heal, but your self confidence never will if you keep letting the demon's of doubt in your head." Clarissa leaned forward and kissed Demurra and things as they always do went from there.
****
"I'm in a fucking hurricane and Clarissa isn't picking up, this is like my week in a nutshell." Gilbert heard something slap into the van he could have sworn was a fish.
"She's not picking up? Maybe she gave up on you." The devil of course had decided to keep Gilbert company, Gilbert did not welcome the companionship.
"I remember when I didn't work for the devil those were nice days." The devil laughed.
"As if this is the first time you've worked for me, probably first open time, but certainly not the first, anyway buddy, I didn't want to just bother you for no reason I wanted to apologize for uhh sending you here."
"Why apologize?"
"Because the creature you need to kill isn't here, yeah before you..." Gilbert fired one of the .45s into the devils face. He figured it couldn't kill the devil, it could just get him not to be there, but it felt nice.
"So that happened."
"So that happened." Clarissa caught Demurra up on her interaction with the Devil. Demurra had actually been banished several thousand miles away, something she said was the devil being nice as he could have sent her a lot worse places.
"He must be really afraid of you."
"I'm sorry I don't follow you there."
"The devil wants you away from Gilbert, he's afraid of you, something he's doing here you can stop and he knows that and so he's trying to scare you off." Clarissa was even more confused.
"What am I against the devil?"
"So modest you are. You've stood up against creatures scary and strong and come out on top, the forest creatures alone are as old and terrifying as the devil and you went in looking for someone you didn't even know. The devil is afraid of you in a way he's not afraid of Gilbert and that power honey, that's real power." Clarissa rubbed her healing arm and didn't feel very powerful.
"I guess I don't see it."
"Because you were raised to be subserviant, its something that honestly ironic about americans, for all your individualism and standing on your own, your schooling and parenting generally wants you to subvert to authorities and never take a stand for yourself. You are told to obey obey obey, and yet sell yourselves as rugged individualists, its hilarious and sad." Clarissa frowned, she hadn't thought of it like that, but it made sense.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Believe in yourself! Slap the devil in the dick and help Gilbert or do whatever you want, Clarissa you're hurt and I know you've been feeling down about that, but this arm will heal, but your self confidence never will if you keep letting the demon's of doubt in your head." Clarissa leaned forward and kissed Demurra and things as they always do went from there.
****
"I'm in a fucking hurricane and Clarissa isn't picking up, this is like my week in a nutshell." Gilbert heard something slap into the van he could have sworn was a fish.
"She's not picking up? Maybe she gave up on you." The devil of course had decided to keep Gilbert company, Gilbert did not welcome the companionship.
"I remember when I didn't work for the devil those were nice days." The devil laughed.
"As if this is the first time you've worked for me, probably first open time, but certainly not the first, anyway buddy, I didn't want to just bother you for no reason I wanted to apologize for uhh sending you here."
"Why apologize?"
"Because the creature you need to kill isn't here, yeah before you..." Gilbert fired one of the .45s into the devils face. He figured it couldn't kill the devil, it could just get him not to be there, but it felt nice.
"So that happened."
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