A Most Ingenious Trap

132.

Clarissa just didn't understand how the two idiots couldn't understand how they had been repeating each other over and over again for two whole days, their bodies already showing the time their minds did not recognize. She worried she too was losing her mind, and her assumption that they couldn't see it was also just a replay of the events. But she'd been able to do things, effect things, she had marked on a sign the days they'd been there just to tell herself time was advancing.

"You can't save them." The voice caused Clarissa to jump. She had been so lost in her own fears and thoughts she didn't even notice the ragged looking woman in front of her. Her clothes were torn, her skin showed signs of self harm, the eyes a crazy gleam.

"Who are you?"

"You're all dead, it wants you here, it trapped all of us for you and now its got you!" She pulled a knife and sliced her throat in front of Clarissa. Clarissa didn't even react, the woman killed herself in a horror of blood and all Clarissa could do was shrug and think "God today sucks" she'd become so desensitized to the work as an exterminator watching someone kill themselves was just another day. It did alert Clarissa there was definitely something causing this, and potentially other crazy people in the town of bend she might have to deal with. She made a journey back to the van where Trezlan and Gilbert were playing out their road show, made sure to give them both water again as she'd been doing the last few days, and loaded up on weapons and ointments to take down whatever was in town.

Trezlan had claimed he'd used a lot of rituals in town and Clarissa could see the results of them. Just weird blood writing scrolled on to everything. She assumed that was Trezlan and not the creature. She had hoped Trezlan failed because he couldn't see the creature, and less the creature was too powerful. Clarissa had made it back to the center of town when she saw them. They looked almost to be human at first, just shambling towards her. It wasn't until she could make out the insect like creatures attached to their heads she witnessed the full horror approaching her.

There were five of them at first, and then more as Clarissa stood there in horror. The woman killing herself wasn't an issue. Some kind of parasite moving people against their will? This was true terror. She put some arrows in the nearest ones and they went down without too much trouble. The remaining alive released a high pitch scream that hurt her ears at a distance. With the screaming the shambling corpses picked up their pace at approaching her. Clarissa made for the nearest building she could find, which had the door mercifully open. She got inside and slammed it shut locking the door behind her. The parasites slammed on the door over and over trying to get in, but it was a hard metal security door she felt safe at least.

Clarissa had shut herself into a two story building, she cursed herself for not fully exploring the town prior. Hoping at the time to fix Gilbert and Trezlan she didn't bother to find out anything about Bend much to her detriment. She now had the parasites and whatever was controlling them to contend with. As she hesitantly walked up the stairs, she could smell something in the building that had her neck hairs stand up. When she got to the top of the stairs the smell was almost overwhelming and she could see why.

At the top were more parasites latched on to people, draining them. They were connected to the former walls of the building like some grotesque alien like nightmare. Clarissa almost screamed, but was afraid that would alert the creatures. In the center of the loft like second floor was what Clarissa assumed was the "mother" of the creatures, a bloated bile spewing creature that was giving birth and decorating at the same time.

"Welcome child." The voice was in her head, the creature looked at her it's several hundred eyes. "Welcome to the family."

Bend it Like Oregon

131.

"The universe hates me, there can be no other explanation of this." The city of Bend was empty, or translocated or not on this world as it existed. Trezlan didn't know for sure, he only knew his own dumbassery had once again screwed him. He'd been wandering around down town for what felt like a day and nothing had changed. Everything was empty, everyone was gone, and there was no way of leaving. Anytime Trezlan attempted to leave he'd return back to the town like he'd never attempted to escape. Bend was also immensely boring. The kind of place you accidentally stop in on the way to somewhere more interesting and woe be to you for stopping. Several rituals, lots of bloodletting, and even attempting to just burn the town down had failed to illicit a response. Trezlan was 100% stuck there, and now he had to hope for the one thing he didn't want initially, Gilbert to show up.

****

"Absolutely nothing in Bend."

"Well there has to be a town or something."

"I mean beyond that, no clubs, no activities, just some rando town in Oregon." Clarissa had looked it up on her phone. Gilbert figured there would be nothing, and he was proven right, just like most things in Oregon. The road to Bend was deserted. Just one long empty highway, this worried Gilbert more and more as they approached. He stopped when the GPS said they were twenty miles out.

"No traffic, either direction, its fucking spooky its midday."

"Well it is eastern Oregon."

"No this is unusual even for this part of a state. There should be someone coming or going, though I fear I noticed this too late, whatever is here has already gotten us. Look to the horizon and notice there is a vague fog in the distance? We're stuck here now."

"Shit."

"Don't worry this would happen eventually, this kind of shit tends to just exist in my life."

"Well its somewhat new to me Gilbert." Just then a car came speeding at them, Gilbert wondered if it had just been a slow day and they weren't trapped. Until the car stopped and Trezlan got out.

"OH THANK THE GODS YOU'RE HERE!"

****

"So that's where I'm at with all of this Gilbert." Trezlan had recounted everything he'd figured out up until that point.

"Impressive you've been here for hours and found out nothing Trezlan."

"Words hurt Gilbert."

"Would you two stop christ we've been here two days and you're still arguing." Clarissa's comment shook Trezlan and Gilbert, it had only be a few hours or so they thought.

"Clarissa what are you on about, we've been here less than an hour."

"Yeah I'd certainly remember arguing for two days."

"WE'VE LITERALLY HAD THIS CONVERSATION THE LAST TWO DAYS! LOOK AT YOURSELVES YOU'RE UNCLEAN SHAVEN!"

"There is no need to sh..." Clarissa yelled to the air and walked off, this conversation had played itself out several times over and it was driving her insane. Gilbert and Trezlan like a broken record went right back to what they'd been saying.

Concern Noted

130.

"You're not worried at all about what he did?" Gilbert and Clarissa were back in the van, Trezlan said he'd get an uber back up north. The missing person's group were cleaning up the the skin walkers. Gilbert felt very successful, yet not at all satisfied with the outcome.

"I mean my arm feels tingly, but I'm sure it'll be fine, I'm more concerned Trezlan Lorentino isn't just a liar like I'd thought of for years, that's going to hurt my ego."

"Gilbert I'm serious he used hard M magic on you."

"I'll be fine Clarissa really, its not even the first time I've been healed with weird shit, believe me, if anything that was one of the least intrusive versions of it."

"Fine be all Gilbert about it."

"What does being all Gilbert about something mean?"

"It's just that..." Clarissa was interrupted by Gilbert's phone was ringing, he figured it was probably Doris wondering when they'd be back, but he could see it was coming from Trezlan and he wanted to hang up.

"What?"

"Sorry to bother you I was on the way home with this lovely carriage driver when I was hit by a specific blend of memories from the walker skins, I won't go into why I have their memories, but I do. Anyway long story short those weren't the only things after you."

"Telling me shit I already know Trezlan."

"Well look at you Mr. Everyone wants to kill me, fine fine. Just stay out of Bend Oregon." Trezlan hung up at that. Gilbert looked at Clarissa who looked back equally bewildered.

"What's in Bend Oregon?" They both wondered as they drove into the night.

****

"I wouldn't worry about the dumb shit Trezlan says, he one time told me that I should watch out for an arms dealer named Hanlon and I looked the name up and aside from the name of a character in a western it was a nothing, on your left." It had been two days since Trezlan's warning, Clarissa and Gilbert were in a ware house exterminating "dire rats" which were rats the size of small dogs.

"But why warn you about bend, wouldn't that encourage you to visit bend?" Clarissa fired an arrow through one of the rats and skewered it head to tail.

"Why would I visit Oregon? I mean if I want to watch people confused by pumping gas I can watch videos on youtube."

"You just can't get over that can you?"

"Nope, and I never will." Dire rats were not much of an issue, almost the kind of thing you could call a regular exterminator for, if not for the hell portal they normally came from. You needed a real professional for that.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Close the hell portal."

"Well obviously, but beyond that?"

"Sleep? I don't care about Bend Oregon, and Trezlan's warning might as well be 'Don't visit the moon'."

"Fair enough when we wind up in Oregon don't say I didn't warn you."

****

Gilbert drove past the welcome to Oregon sign and Clarissa made a slight laugh.

"Don't say a fucking thing."

The Usefulness of the Useless

129.

"I'm still at a loss as to why I was punished with you." Gilbert and Trezlan had been paired up, Clarissa would go with the two missing person's detectives in a move Gilbert was still wondering how he agreed to it.

"You brought me, clearly they felt I should remain with you, well that and I don't do well with authority."

"You don't say."

"I do say, very often, so why are we in the woods looking for these walker skins?" Gilbert sighed, his arm was feeling numb from the injury earlier he was getting worried it was worse than he thought.

"Skin Walkers, and this is where they wanted us before, so..."

"So you think the best way to stop a trap is to walk right into it? Bold move, stupid but bold, though I guess you could be one of these walker skins things and just leading me into a trap, in which case that's stupid and stupid."

"Stupider than you just bringing that sword and none of the things you sold me that kill them?" Trezlan laughed, compared to how everyone else was dressed, his suit and light coat with the sword did seem out of place. The detectives had actually questioned what he was doing there.

"There is very little in this world my magic and this sword can't kill, Trust me Mr Dunkley I'm not using a stake like some kind of lesser person." Gilbert was about to ask what the lesser person crack meant when he heard an odd yowling. Trezlan heard it too, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Well we know they know we're here."

"I hope you've got something actually planned Mr. Dunkley we're alone in the woods in a trap you specifically said they set for us."

"Was hoping I could just turn you over to them honestly."

"Ha that was my plan Mr. Dunkley." There were four of the skin walkers. They had emerged from the woods in partial human coyote form, their skin glistened unnaturally in the moon light. Gilbert guessed this was the extent of the pack after he and Clarissa had killed one earlier, which meant Trezlan and he would have to take on the rest of the pack.

"Give us Dunkley, and we'll let you live." The voice sounded gutteral and too high pitched, like the imitation of human speech Skin Walkers were known for.

"Sorry he's a paying customer, and you're a walker skin." Trezlan took up a posture with his sword, Gilbert took out the elk horn stake in his good hand and prepared for what he didn't know. He felt like this whole thing had gotten out of his hand and now he had to rely on either Clarissa and the detectives finding him or worse Trezlan not being a complete idiot. Gilbert feared death was certain. The four skin walkers spread out, surrounding Gilbert and Trezlan, and then slinked back into the forest temporarily. Gilbert and Trezlan both knew it was to attack where they couldn't see them.

"I'm open to ideas Trezlan."

"Is that you asking for my help?"

"Well you're here they are going to eat you too."

"Too true, these walker skins are kind of dumb though, who leaves a necromancer by himself before an attack?" Trezlan pulled the sword up into his hand and pulled it once slicing it open. Gilbert was going to ask what that would do, but then Trezlan spun around them in a circle and the blood seemed to float from his hand to the trees and ground around them in some form of magic circle. The walkers ran through his circle for what good it did, Trezlan did not seem at all concerned.

"Fool you think your attempt at magic can harm us?"

"Think? No, know? Yes." Gilbert feared he had trusted Trezlan to do something in the exact way that he'd get killed by an idiot, but the skin walkers didn't advance. They didn't move, they were stuck in place as if something was holding them there. "Go ahead Mr. Dunkley use your little stake on these creatures they can not move."

"What did you do to them?"

"A blood curse, they crossed the circle uninvited and were detained." Gilbert moved from one of the skin walkers to the other with ease killing them with a shove of the stake. When he got to the last one Trezlan held his hand.

"Trezlan I don't know if your blood curse will keep them here forever."

"It won't, but one moment." Trezlan put his hand on the creature and then touched Gilbert, the pain in Gilbert shoulder got intense, like a searing burning pain, and then it was gone, his shoulder was fixed. The creature shriveled like an Indiana Jones villain, turning to dust as it fell.

"What was that?"

"Something you probably don't want to know about, but your shoulder is fixed you're welcome." Gilbert didn't like what he did, but he couldn't argue with the results.

"So you have a use after all Trezlan."

"Shhh don't tell anyone or I'll be so hassled on this world I'll have to go to another one."

The Worst Help From the Worst Person

128.

"This van smells bad."

"No one invited you!" Clarissa and Gilbert said it in unison. They'd been driving for thirty minutes and twenty nine of those minutes was Trezlan complaining.

"Rude of both of you to attack me like that when I'm providing my extensive experience in aiding you on this adventure."

"You bribed your way onto this adventure Trezlan." Gilbert thought to himself he should never have agreed. A thought that kept repeating itself to him.

"What even are you anyway?" Gilbert wanted to tell Clarissa what she just asked was the worst question to ask, but it was too late, he could hear the inhale of breath from Trezlan.

"Well since you asked unlike your rude employer. I come from a land your gutteral tongue can't pronounce so I shall not try. I arrived here mostly on accident, I had been adventuring myself in a cave when a portal opened and deposited me here several hundred years ago." Clarissa looked to Gilbert who shook his head in a 'this guy is full of shit' sort of way.

"So you're hundreds of years old?"

"Several hundreds of years, I'm a necromancer, I keep my life force going by taking from others."

"Just to let you know Clarissa he's some kind of something, but between his bullshit and lies I haven't been able to tell specifically what he is other than stupid and dangerous."

"You're contributions to my story is appreciated Gilbert, I really enjoy these allegations from you."

"Glad I could help Trezlan."

"Anyway, I take life from others to keep my own going, I was very thankful even though this world seems to lack the magic of my world, my magic still works here, mostly. It's just a lot harder to do stuff like conjure fire."

"Conjure fire?"

"Yeah like this." Trezlan had a fire ball manifest in his hand for a brief moment before it disappeared. It surprised Clarissa to see like actual real magic.

"It's a parlor trick, you can see people on the vegas strip do the same thing."

"I highly doubt that Gilbert, people on the Vegas strip can't engulf their whole bodies in flame, well not do that and live for long after I should say."

"So are you unique where you come from? Or is it a planet full of necromancers?" Trezlan shivered at the thought of a planet of necromancers.

"No its just me, and one other person I hope to kill one day when I get back."

"Oh well good talk." Clarissa could see why Gilbert didn't like Trezlan. Gilbert could see in her face she had come to the correct position Trezlan was stupid and dangerous.

"Look he totally earned it ok, like if you knew Morley like I know Morley. Ok nevermind just drive on."

****

"And who's this asshole now?"

"Don't like start Garcia."

"Trezlan Lorentino I can explain my presence here..."

Trans Dimensional Liar Thank You

127.

"Trezlan this is no time for your bullshit." Gilbert could feel the injury with each step, but he still wouldn't put up with Trezlan no matter how hurt he was.

"My bullshit? Ha this from a monster exterminator who doesn't even carry a sword. But since you have a younger companion with you an apprentice of some sort perhaps I'll be kinder, today one time only I'll allow you to bother me with your demands." Trezlan talked almost too fast for Clarissa, like a conman well aware you aren't buying into the con.

"You're too kind."

"It's my worst character trait I admit, since I've been stuck in your world I've grown weaker, its exposure to you people, like a virus I feel infected to be kind, I can not return fast enough."

"Wait you're not from this world?" Clarissa was surprised by this even after everything she'd seen.

"So he claims, but Trezlan also claims to be hundreds of years old, he's the kind of liar you run into if you're unlucky once in a lifetime."

"And Gilbert is one of those uninteresting dullards who does not believe you even when the local natives have stories of you that date back to before this land was settled!"

"Yeah the natives also have a name for you too Trezlan, I can't get the sounds right, but it translates to 'bald man who lies'." Trezlan frowned.

"After everything I've done for them some of it even they asked for, just goes to show you no gratitude for the helpful, speaking of which we're done here out of my shop so paying customers can arrive." Gilbert turned around and looked at the no one in the store.

"I am a paying customer Trezlan, if you let me tell you what I want." Trezlan glowered, but didn't leave his place at the front of the store.

"Well what do you want?"

"Living Elk Horn."

"I don't sell animals here." Trezlan smiled, Gilbert was not having it.

"You know what I want."

"I do, but making people miserable is my favorite thing."

"Mission accomplished, now the Elk horn."

"Popular item that Elk horn, had a park ranger type in here the other day looking for some." Gilbert felt a twinge of pain go through his shoulder at the mention of the park ranger. Clarissa tensed up herself.

"Did you? Last guy I talked to that said that turned out to be one of the things we're hunting."

"I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!" Trezlan was triumphant like a child, which assured Gilbert he wasn't most likely a Skin Walker, but he wouldn't put it past them to try and trick him either. "I mean anytime someone said Roy Smith recommended me, ha not in this life time, so what are they some kind of changeling?"

"Yeah skin walkers, they can look like people, but they ain't."

"Ooh skin walkers let me write that one down." Trezlan produced a fairly large book and pen and started to write. Gilbert went to say something and Trezlan shushed him. Clarissa found the whole scene funny.

"So do you have the horn or not Trezlan?"

"I do, but you can only have it one condition." Gilbert sighed he knew what was coming, but also knew he needed the horn.

"What is the condition?"

"You have to take me with you!"

Every Good Trap

126.

"Shit you want isn't cheap Gilbert." Roy Smith was Gilbert's native american artifact supplier. He was an elder in the Duwamish tribe or so he told Gilbert despite his very anglicized name.

"Come on Roy you can't have that much of a need for living elk horn." This was the dance he always did with Roy. It was a tiring endless parade of  this thing you want is too expensive, I guess I could see myself letting it go for blah blah, it tired Gilbert, but he felt under the gun and the dance was obnoxious.

"Actually I'm fresh out, a park ranger bought all the stock I had." Gilbert felt that chill run down his spine, the trap being set by the skin walkers was expanding.

"A park ranger named Simmons?"

"I can't remember for sure, something like that."

"You don't remember for sure? You've got video right? Lets just check that out." Roy tried to say no, but Gilbert had already barreled past him into the office with Clarissa trailing after. The office itself looked like a fight had taken place there, papers and office furniture smashed about. The video player itself lay in pieces. Roy attacked Gilbert with large claws from his hand. Gilbert dodged to the left and ran into part of the wooden desk in the small office, his side burned from banging into it, and then the claws got him on his left shoulder, digging deep in.

Clarissa didn't have her bow with her, it wasn't supposed to be that kind of trip. She did have one of her knives though and she buried it into the skin walker's shoulder. The blade couldn't kill the creature, but it sure did harm it, the creature which was looking less like Roy Smith and more like some a hairless bear turned its attention to Clarissa. She backed out of the office and it followed after her. She tried to look around the shop for something to use against it, but it was all baubles and native american tourism stuff.

"You fucked up now girl, after I eat you, I'll go back for your friend." The skin Walker pulled her knife out and threw it into the wall, the blade went all the way through showing the strength of the creature.

"You'll struggle to do that with my fist in your god damn face." Clarissa just attacked the skin walker, she didn't know why or for what good, but with the options of fight or flee, she took fight. She landed a solid right on the skin walkers jaw which surprised it briefly, but it recovered quickly and snatched her by the throat. With minimal effort it flung her towards the wall and she went through it landing next to Gilbert. Everything hurt for Clarissa, even though the wall wasn't wood she was pretty sure she smashed hard into something.

The Skin Walker advanced on her, it looked bigger than it had before. Clarissa heard something behind her, it sounded like Gilbert. He passed something to her hard and sharp and she knew what it was. The Skin Walker lunged on top of her and she stuck the elk horn hard in its chest, she didn't know if the heart was in the same place as a person, or even where a heart normally was. But she aimed and stabbed. With the aid of the creatures own leap the elk horn stake went through all the way to her hand. The formerly aggressive creature went limp on top of her an almost crushing amount of extra weight.

"Can you like move?" Gilbert who was trapped behind her and in pain from the mauling he'd gotten just wanted to be free.

"I'm trying, but he's heavy and I got thrown through a wall Gilbert."

"Yeah well... can you move?" Clarissa wanted to smack Gilbert, but felt he was probably in worse shape than she was. With a lot of exertion of her legs and some whimpers from Gilbert when she leaned into him, she got the corpse of the skin walker off of her and got Gilbert free. His shoulder looked really bad to her untrained eyes, just too much blood and skin being loose.

"I'll be fine, but this isn't the only skin walker, they are pack hunters and we need to get out of here before others show up."

"Where will we go?" Clarissa didn't like that they only had a couple of the elk stakes to use, and the one she'd used already looked pretty worse for wear.

"We need to get more living elk, I know another guy but I'm so loathe to use him, but he's our only hope here, you'll have to drive, I'll do my best to patch up." Clarissa agreed even if she felt she should be driving him to a hospital.

****

The sign said TL Antiquities, Clarissa wondered why they'd come to an antique dealer for what they were after, but Gilbert insisted they were at the right place. Gilbert himself looked worse for wear, but he insisted they go inside together. The shop looked like a regular antique shop to Clarissa, if a bit extravagant for the rural area of Bellingham it was located in. The proprietor was a tall thin black man with a red goatee but a bald head.

"The answer is no, now leave my shop." And it only got worse from there.