97.
"No Clarence." Gilbert was alone in the office, Clarissa had gone home for thanksgiving trying to work things out with her family or so she claimed. Gilbert knew that was bullshit thought, since she was bringing a literal succubus to dinner to shove it in her families face how far she was gone, but who was he to get in the way of her family squabbles. Timms had called not too long after he'd gotten in and read the note from Doris that she too was going home for the holidays despite Elves not actually celebrating any holiday during winter he was aware of.
"You didn't even hear me out."
"I didn't need to, I heard your voice that's all I need."
"Come on Gil don't act like you don't owe me." Gilbert wanted to huff about all the things he's done for Timms over the years and how the balance is in his favor more so than Timms, but he knew from past conversations that never ever worked out.
"What do you want?" The resignation set in, the resignation that Gilbert was going to do whatever Timms needed whether he wanted to or not.
"There's a church in Idaho."
"Lots of church's in Idaho reverend."
"This one's special all isolated up near the tip, something funny going on there."
"Funny ha ha or?"
"Funny awful."
"And you know about this?"
"I got an ear to the ground where I'm at, I'll text you the address, but I have to go Gil, talk later." Gilbert knew they wouldn't talk later, they never did. Clarence would just drop this kind of garbage on Gilbert probably with some knowledge brought to him by a demon and then Gilbert would have to deal with it. It was a pattern Gilbert had gotten used to in a sad sort of way. He gathered his "Timms" set of gear, mostly holy artifacts and bullets and walked out to the van. He'd have left a note for Clarissa and Doris, but he knew he'd be the first one back anyway, and so the note was a waste of time.
****
Gilbert checked the address twice to make sure Timms or his GPS had not lead him astray. To his dismay it was correct. He had been traveling down a mostly gravel road up until he got to a small dirt road. None of this said place that Gilbert wanted to go, but he had grudgingly agreed to Timms request and driven out to butt fuck no where Idaho and so he was all in for the duration. Traveling up the road as it winded around dead trees and muddy unkempt roads eventually lead to a run down church more rotting than standing and a parking lot full of rusted cars.
"Fucking Timms." Gilbert muttered as he got out of the van. He had figured maybe he was being called in as a favor to an uptight clergyman who had heard something in the basement that just loose pipes. But no this was some ancient portal of evil long discarded and avoided and he had blithely driven up without paying heed to any of the clear "stay away" warning signs. This is where Gilbert missed Clarissa most, she was a nice grounded view point into not doing stupid things, but she wasn't at the church and Gilbert knew once he was here he couldn't leave until the job was done. So he steeled himself, gathered up his supplies including extra flash light batteries and then knocked on the door to the church.
Friday, November 30, 2018
Friday, November 23, 2018
Revenge of the WereTurkeys
96.
"Ok you were right turkeys are scary." The cook and waitress were dead, Gilbert and Clarissa had barricaded the windows with furniture to stem the Turkey horde. Gilbert had managed to get some weapons from his van, but both he and Clarissa felt they had ultimately too little versus the turkey's too many.
"So what do we have versus the turkey horde?" Gilbert didn't like their chances, it was late at night, they were at an isolated truck stop diner and the turkeys had some how planned their way to the ambush he and Clarissa found himself in.
"Well I have eight arrows, you managed to snag a box of shotgun shells and the double barrel and I believe I picked up a pistol magazine without a pistol to put it into." Gilbert shook his head, somewhere outside the restaurant the turkeys gobbled at each other.
"Its nice to be fucked, especially by turkeys, I'm sure in some Karma for extravagant thanksgiving celebrations sort of way."
"We aren't getting stuffed, not today, not ever, hold down the front Gilbert I'm going to go look in the back for something." Clarissa had no idea what she was looking for, or what a greasy spoon in the middle of nowhere could have that would stop a wereturkey army, but she was determined to find it. The kitchen was horrifying when Clarissa entered it. More so for how unclean it was, she immediately regretted everything she'd eaten earlier.
"Going to need that plan fast, the turkey's have gone quiet, pretty sure they're planning something." Clarissa laughed to herself as the idea of being afraid of turkeys was funny up until an hour before.
"I got something but you're not going to like it."
"Bring it out."
Clarissa wheeled out the fryers from in the back, Gilbert could see the caked on crumbs and blackened remains of many many fried foods, but was confused why Clarissa thought they would help.
"Before you ask, no we're not going to get them to get to jump in the fryer, we're going to cook them another way."
"Grease fire, smart."
"It burns hot right?"
"Real hot, so lure them in and then torch it? Sneak out the back?"
"Better than our current plan of just waiting to die right."
"Right." Gilbert smiled at the cleverness of the plan. It could just as easily fail, but so could a lot of things.
They coated the floors in the grease, making sure to keep up the illusion to the turkeys they weren't planning on cooking them alive. Clarissa had taken some of the spare ammunition from one of the pistol magazines and gotten the powder out of it to put on her arrow, she figured it was the safest way to set the restaurant on fire, if there was such a thing. They had coated the front area in grease, the floors glistened unnaturally and were super slick, Clarissa already fell on her butt once just trying to get to the back.
"So we're just going to wait for?" Clarissa didn't know how to open the doors, her and Gilbert had disagreed on what they should do. Gilbert's plan was to wait, the turkeys had a plan to get in and he knew if they tried to open the door up to them it would make it obvious it was a trap. Clarissa thought this was stupid and the longer they waited the less they'd get all the turkeys at once. Before Gilbert could answer her question the roof caved in, hundreds of murderous turkeys covered the ruined floor. Clarissa lit the arrow and let it fly, she worried for a moment while it was in the air the ruined roof would stop the floor from catching fire, but as soon as the arrow hit the ground the floor went as did the rest of the restaurant.
Gilbert and Clarissa quickly left the building through a back entrance. Inside the were turkey's were howling as they burned. The alpha turkey saw his plan fail and slinked off during the fire, vowing revenge once again on Gilbert. Though neither Clarissa or Gilbert knew this, and still to this day are unaware of it beyond "remember that time we cooked turkeys in rural washington".
*****
"Were turkeys?"
"Yes Sheriff." The fire department arrived a half hour in, the sheriff a guy that Gilbert had talked to once or twice but could not remember if he was friendly with had followed shortly after that.
"Explains the smell, like my wifes thanksgiving, all burnt and awful I hate turkey you see."
"Coming around to it myself."
"Shame about Denis's place and Denise herself, always liked the pie."
"Coffee wasn't half bad either."
"Well you and your assistant be safe now, I'd say come back soon but seeing as you showed up and burnt down a restaurant how about you don't."
"Fair enough Sheriff Fair enough." And thus ended the were turkey revenge. For now. DUN DUN DUN.
"Ok you were right turkeys are scary." The cook and waitress were dead, Gilbert and Clarissa had barricaded the windows with furniture to stem the Turkey horde. Gilbert had managed to get some weapons from his van, but both he and Clarissa felt they had ultimately too little versus the turkey's too many.
"So what do we have versus the turkey horde?" Gilbert didn't like their chances, it was late at night, they were at an isolated truck stop diner and the turkeys had some how planned their way to the ambush he and Clarissa found himself in.
"Well I have eight arrows, you managed to snag a box of shotgun shells and the double barrel and I believe I picked up a pistol magazine without a pistol to put it into." Gilbert shook his head, somewhere outside the restaurant the turkeys gobbled at each other.
"Its nice to be fucked, especially by turkeys, I'm sure in some Karma for extravagant thanksgiving celebrations sort of way."
"We aren't getting stuffed, not today, not ever, hold down the front Gilbert I'm going to go look in the back for something." Clarissa had no idea what she was looking for, or what a greasy spoon in the middle of nowhere could have that would stop a wereturkey army, but she was determined to find it. The kitchen was horrifying when Clarissa entered it. More so for how unclean it was, she immediately regretted everything she'd eaten earlier.
"Going to need that plan fast, the turkey's have gone quiet, pretty sure they're planning something." Clarissa laughed to herself as the idea of being afraid of turkeys was funny up until an hour before.
"I got something but you're not going to like it."
"Bring it out."
Clarissa wheeled out the fryers from in the back, Gilbert could see the caked on crumbs and blackened remains of many many fried foods, but was confused why Clarissa thought they would help.
"Before you ask, no we're not going to get them to get to jump in the fryer, we're going to cook them another way."
"Grease fire, smart."
"It burns hot right?"
"Real hot, so lure them in and then torch it? Sneak out the back?"
"Better than our current plan of just waiting to die right."
"Right." Gilbert smiled at the cleverness of the plan. It could just as easily fail, but so could a lot of things.
They coated the floors in the grease, making sure to keep up the illusion to the turkeys they weren't planning on cooking them alive. Clarissa had taken some of the spare ammunition from one of the pistol magazines and gotten the powder out of it to put on her arrow, she figured it was the safest way to set the restaurant on fire, if there was such a thing. They had coated the front area in grease, the floors glistened unnaturally and were super slick, Clarissa already fell on her butt once just trying to get to the back.
"So we're just going to wait for?" Clarissa didn't know how to open the doors, her and Gilbert had disagreed on what they should do. Gilbert's plan was to wait, the turkeys had a plan to get in and he knew if they tried to open the door up to them it would make it obvious it was a trap. Clarissa thought this was stupid and the longer they waited the less they'd get all the turkeys at once. Before Gilbert could answer her question the roof caved in, hundreds of murderous turkeys covered the ruined floor. Clarissa lit the arrow and let it fly, she worried for a moment while it was in the air the ruined roof would stop the floor from catching fire, but as soon as the arrow hit the ground the floor went as did the rest of the restaurant.
Gilbert and Clarissa quickly left the building through a back entrance. Inside the were turkey's were howling as they burned. The alpha turkey saw his plan fail and slinked off during the fire, vowing revenge once again on Gilbert. Though neither Clarissa or Gilbert knew this, and still to this day are unaware of it beyond "remember that time we cooked turkeys in rural washington".
*****
"Were turkeys?"
"Yes Sheriff." The fire department arrived a half hour in, the sheriff a guy that Gilbert had talked to once or twice but could not remember if he was friendly with had followed shortly after that.
"Explains the smell, like my wifes thanksgiving, all burnt and awful I hate turkey you see."
"Coming around to it myself."
"Shame about Denis's place and Denise herself, always liked the pie."
"Coffee wasn't half bad either."
"Well you and your assistant be safe now, I'd say come back soon but seeing as you showed up and burnt down a restaurant how about you don't."
"Fair enough Sheriff Fair enough." And thus ended the were turkey revenge. For now. DUN DUN DUN.
Friday, November 16, 2018
The Were Turkey Menance
95.
"Ok I'm calling bullshit, you are not afraid of Turkeys." Clarissa and Gilbert had stopped at an all night diner along the road. Gilbert was well into his second cup of coffee as he was telling his story.
"You didn't see these turkeys, honestly its something I keep under my hat, not a lot of people would respect a man afraid of Turkey gobbling, but seeing this sea of evil turkeys just put me in a bad place." Clarissa shook her head.
"I just don't believe that like gobble gobble can unsettle you."
"Can I just get back to telling my damn story?"
"Sure sure."
****
At first they didn't notice me. I don't know what goes on in the mind of a wereturkey, but it apparently was just to gobble and wait. I was thinking of backing up when the damn things attacked all at once. Just a mess of gobling and pecking, they started punching through the windshield and windows almost immediately. I put the van into gear and gunned it hoping to at least clear the herd more than anything. Trouble was I couldn't see where I was going, and so I smashed through the herd, off the road and right into a tree.
I was disoriented from the crash, but the turkeys were still attacking so I knew I had to do something. This is where my military training really helped. I'd killed plenty of things as a government exterminator, so I knew I had to control the situation or the damned were fowl would win. So I loaded up a rifle, a double barrel shotgun and various knives and threw open the side door of my van and opened up. I didn't exactly know what would take down the turkeys, but I knew I could at least wound the bastards long enough to put them down.
I don't know what goes through the mind of a were turkey other than malice and hatred, but I do know bullets can too. Unlike say a were wolf, were turkeys are just mean, but can be killed all the same as any other creature. So I started making sunday dinner out of all them damn turkeys. Using all my ammo in the process because when you're scared you don't make the wisest of shooting decisions.
The turkey's lay dead and splattered all around my van. I could see from the impact it was going to probably be a total'd van. One of six in my entire career and this one was at the start, which let me tell you made me think I made the smartest of decisions. I thought I had gotten all the turkeys at first. But then I heard another gobble. A gobble that wasn't a regular gobble, it was an evil gobble.
****
"Seriously another evil gobble?"
"Will you quit?" Gilbert was on to his fourth cup of coffee. Clarissa hadn't seen the waitress in twenty minutes, but figured it was late at night and they were the only people at the restaurant.
"I'm just saying I'm not entirely buying this story of evil turkeys."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Bender of the truth."
"You know I have to go to the bathroom, and when I'm done and we're back on the road I hope you'll be more receptive to my story."
"I hope your story is more closely lined to the truth!" Gilbert got up in a huff and Clarissa quietly laughed to herself. And in the wilderness nearby the were turkey planned its revenge.
"Ok I'm calling bullshit, you are not afraid of Turkeys." Clarissa and Gilbert had stopped at an all night diner along the road. Gilbert was well into his second cup of coffee as he was telling his story.
"You didn't see these turkeys, honestly its something I keep under my hat, not a lot of people would respect a man afraid of Turkey gobbling, but seeing this sea of evil turkeys just put me in a bad place." Clarissa shook her head.
"I just don't believe that like gobble gobble can unsettle you."
"Can I just get back to telling my damn story?"
"Sure sure."
****
At first they didn't notice me. I don't know what goes on in the mind of a wereturkey, but it apparently was just to gobble and wait. I was thinking of backing up when the damn things attacked all at once. Just a mess of gobling and pecking, they started punching through the windshield and windows almost immediately. I put the van into gear and gunned it hoping to at least clear the herd more than anything. Trouble was I couldn't see where I was going, and so I smashed through the herd, off the road and right into a tree.
I was disoriented from the crash, but the turkeys were still attacking so I knew I had to do something. This is where my military training really helped. I'd killed plenty of things as a government exterminator, so I knew I had to control the situation or the damned were fowl would win. So I loaded up a rifle, a double barrel shotgun and various knives and threw open the side door of my van and opened up. I didn't exactly know what would take down the turkeys, but I knew I could at least wound the bastards long enough to put them down.
I don't know what goes through the mind of a were turkey other than malice and hatred, but I do know bullets can too. Unlike say a were wolf, were turkeys are just mean, but can be killed all the same as any other creature. So I started making sunday dinner out of all them damn turkeys. Using all my ammo in the process because when you're scared you don't make the wisest of shooting decisions.
The turkey's lay dead and splattered all around my van. I could see from the impact it was going to probably be a total'd van. One of six in my entire career and this one was at the start, which let me tell you made me think I made the smartest of decisions. I thought I had gotten all the turkeys at first. But then I heard another gobble. A gobble that wasn't a regular gobble, it was an evil gobble.
****
"Seriously another evil gobble?"
"Will you quit?" Gilbert was on to his fourth cup of coffee. Clarissa hadn't seen the waitress in twenty minutes, but figured it was late at night and they were the only people at the restaurant.
"I'm just saying I'm not entirely buying this story of evil turkeys."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"Bender of the truth."
"You know I have to go to the bathroom, and when I'm done and we're back on the road I hope you'll be more receptive to my story."
"I hope your story is more closely lined to the truth!" Gilbert got up in a huff and Clarissa quietly laughed to herself. And in the wilderness nearby the were turkey planned its revenge.
Friday, November 9, 2018
Turkey Time Gobble Gobble
94.
...This was before Delores was working for me. Before I really had any of my current client list. Sure I'd killed monsters for the Army, but private extermination is a different business. You don't have the resources or men, its just you and what you could afford to bring. I stupidly had business would just roll on in. Being a well known government exterminator would carry over. It had not at all. So when I got call from a farmer near Cottonwood Minnesota I couldn't exactly say no.
"Got your number from an old army buddy, said you handled weird shit in the army." His voice was that usual southern drawl farmers got even when they were well north of the Mason Dixon.
"So what's troubling you?"
"Something been killing my turkeys, ripping them up bad like no wolf ever done, I asked the local sheriff to look into it but I'm not popular in these parts and they aren't helping me." The way he said popular told me he was black and they weren't out to help him on that, racism is hard grained in this country even in places people think it aint.
"I hear you, you think it could be people?"
"No, well if it is they are some evil fucking people," There was some dead noise on the phone and then shouting I couldn't make out, "God damn its happening again, I'm going to go out and check."
"No sir stay where you are I can be there in a couple days."
"I'll just check don't worry." I waited for an hour for him to come back, but he never did. Even knowing I probably wouldn't get paid I figure I'd have to go, maybe he'd be alive, its not like I had a whole lot going on for myself at the time. So I gathered some stuff, up including books I'd owned in the military and made my way over to Cottonwood. Well eventually, turns out finding a farm town in Minnesota in the age of no gps was less than ideal. I told him a couple days it took me three.
Cottonwood was empty when I got there. I don't mean like it was a small town, I mean no one was there. Every building, house, and street was devoid of life. There's always something unsettling about showing up to a place that is supposed to have people but doesn't. You're just afraid, all your fears adding up in your head telling you to leave and pretend you never came. I probably should have left having no job and no idea what was wrong, but I think ultimately I always tell myself this job is about helping people and I figured just leaving wouldn't help anyone except myself so I stayed.
I did know that the farm was probably my best bet for finding out what had happened. So after making another double check in town to make sure I hadn't missed anyone. I set out for farm country, figured I could find one without issue, hopefully someone there could point me to the only black Turkey farmer around. I wasn't out of town very far before I heard it. A sound that still can make my blood chill even today.
Turkeys, gobbling, thousands of them, all at once.
...This was before Delores was working for me. Before I really had any of my current client list. Sure I'd killed monsters for the Army, but private extermination is a different business. You don't have the resources or men, its just you and what you could afford to bring. I stupidly had business would just roll on in. Being a well known government exterminator would carry over. It had not at all. So when I got call from a farmer near Cottonwood Minnesota I couldn't exactly say no.
"Got your number from an old army buddy, said you handled weird shit in the army." His voice was that usual southern drawl farmers got even when they were well north of the Mason Dixon.
"So what's troubling you?"
"Something been killing my turkeys, ripping them up bad like no wolf ever done, I asked the local sheriff to look into it but I'm not popular in these parts and they aren't helping me." The way he said popular told me he was black and they weren't out to help him on that, racism is hard grained in this country even in places people think it aint.
"I hear you, you think it could be people?"
"No, well if it is they are some evil fucking people," There was some dead noise on the phone and then shouting I couldn't make out, "God damn its happening again, I'm going to go out and check."
"No sir stay where you are I can be there in a couple days."
"I'll just check don't worry." I waited for an hour for him to come back, but he never did. Even knowing I probably wouldn't get paid I figure I'd have to go, maybe he'd be alive, its not like I had a whole lot going on for myself at the time. So I gathered some stuff, up including books I'd owned in the military and made my way over to Cottonwood. Well eventually, turns out finding a farm town in Minnesota in the age of no gps was less than ideal. I told him a couple days it took me three.
Cottonwood was empty when I got there. I don't mean like it was a small town, I mean no one was there. Every building, house, and street was devoid of life. There's always something unsettling about showing up to a place that is supposed to have people but doesn't. You're just afraid, all your fears adding up in your head telling you to leave and pretend you never came. I probably should have left having no job and no idea what was wrong, but I think ultimately I always tell myself this job is about helping people and I figured just leaving wouldn't help anyone except myself so I stayed.
I did know that the farm was probably my best bet for finding out what had happened. So after making another double check in town to make sure I hadn't missed anyone. I set out for farm country, figured I could find one without issue, hopefully someone there could point me to the only black Turkey farmer around. I wasn't out of town very far before I heard it. A sound that still can make my blood chill even today.
Turkeys, gobbling, thousands of them, all at once.
Friday, November 2, 2018
Beware the WereTurkey
94.
"It was no issue Mayor I mean if I ran across someone surrounded by bodies with a shotgun I'd probably arrest them too." Gilbert and Clarissa had only been detained a couple of hours by the local police, just long enough for the police to make sure that yep those were Reebs. Gilbert didn't necessarily mind, he got to take a shower and there wasn't anyone else in the cell aside from Clarissa so it wasn't like he got hassled. It was actually one of the nicer times he'd been arrested. They were already on the road again when the mayor called.
"It's really ok Mayor, just pay our normal fee, right yep ok well you have a pleasant evening too." Gilbert hung up the phone and handed it back to Clarissa so he could resume driving.
"So we're good?"
"Oh yeah apparently killing off a colony retiree eating creatures is a public service, and we got overtime pay, even a key to the city."
"A city that has like a coffee shop, 3 chain stores, and didn't realize an entire retirement community of people were missing." Gilbert chuckled.
"Yeah, I've got a couple keys like that, and they are always ceremonial, one of the saddest days I ever had was realizing it wasn't an actual key to the city." Clarissa hadn't thought of that, but it actually made sense.
"So do you think I'll be able to get my jeep eventually or will they keep it in impound forever?"
"As an apology the Mayor said he'd have someone drive it to the office, don't know how much of an apology that is knowing how cops drive, but you'll get it back."
"Well now that that's all wrapped up I guess we go back and cool our heels for the winter?" Clarissa had already been done with the idea of any kind of seasonal spooks.
"Nah just October, soon enough turkey farms will be calling to get us there to deal with wereturkeys." Clarissa laughed and Gilbert just shook his head. "I'm serious."
"Wereturkeys? Like the bird that looks up and drowns?"
"Well that's regular turkeys and they are dumb as hell yes, but wereturkeys are dangerous, they infect the stupid turkeys and turn them viscous." Gilbert had a look in his eyes that seemed to Clarissa there was more to it than just what he was saying.
"Do you have a history with Wereturkeys?" Gilbert nodded.
"My first real commercial job was Wereturkeys, and honestly it almost broke me as an exterminator, It was 1981..."
"It was no issue Mayor I mean if I ran across someone surrounded by bodies with a shotgun I'd probably arrest them too." Gilbert and Clarissa had only been detained a couple of hours by the local police, just long enough for the police to make sure that yep those were Reebs. Gilbert didn't necessarily mind, he got to take a shower and there wasn't anyone else in the cell aside from Clarissa so it wasn't like he got hassled. It was actually one of the nicer times he'd been arrested. They were already on the road again when the mayor called.
"It's really ok Mayor, just pay our normal fee, right yep ok well you have a pleasant evening too." Gilbert hung up the phone and handed it back to Clarissa so he could resume driving.
"So we're good?"
"Oh yeah apparently killing off a colony retiree eating creatures is a public service, and we got overtime pay, even a key to the city."
"A city that has like a coffee shop, 3 chain stores, and didn't realize an entire retirement community of people were missing." Gilbert chuckled.
"Yeah, I've got a couple keys like that, and they are always ceremonial, one of the saddest days I ever had was realizing it wasn't an actual key to the city." Clarissa hadn't thought of that, but it actually made sense.
"So do you think I'll be able to get my jeep eventually or will they keep it in impound forever?"
"As an apology the Mayor said he'd have someone drive it to the office, don't know how much of an apology that is knowing how cops drive, but you'll get it back."
"Well now that that's all wrapped up I guess we go back and cool our heels for the winter?" Clarissa had already been done with the idea of any kind of seasonal spooks.
"Nah just October, soon enough turkey farms will be calling to get us there to deal with wereturkeys." Clarissa laughed and Gilbert just shook his head. "I'm serious."
"Wereturkeys? Like the bird that looks up and drowns?"
"Well that's regular turkeys and they are dumb as hell yes, but wereturkeys are dangerous, they infect the stupid turkeys and turn them viscous." Gilbert had a look in his eyes that seemed to Clarissa there was more to it than just what he was saying.
"Do you have a history with Wereturkeys?" Gilbert nodded.
"My first real commercial job was Wereturkeys, and honestly it almost broke me as an exterminator, It was 1981..."
Friday, October 26, 2018
Too SpookTobery
93.
Gilbert had pulled into Mrs. Clausens driveway behind Clarissa's jeep. He was looking in the back of the van with his flashlight in his mouth trying to decide on the optimal way to open the front door. He looked around at the quiet neighborhood and was worried if he just blew open the door lock someone would call the police, but he didn't have time to just pick a lock especially if it was dead bolted or latched on the inside. He picked up a double barrel shotgun and an ammo belt with the rest of his bag of supplies and made his way to the front door. He loaded some solid shot into the double barrell and aimed at where he figured the hinges were on the door. The first shot knocked the door mostly off its frame, the second had it hanging by just the door chain. He moved past it reloading the shotgun with rock salt as he did.
"Knock knock."
The inside did look very seventies to Gilbert, but unlike Clarissa had seen it, he could see how broken down it all was. The Reeb was not trying to hide itself from Gilbert. It was dark aside from the light coming from the door way from outside. Gilbert turned on the head lamp he'd brought with him, he thought it looked ridiculous on the job, but he'd rather look stupid and live then try and juggle a flash light with the kit he'd brought.
Clarissa had said she was in the basement, so that's where Gilbert thought he'd start. He was mildly alarmed he had not heard her scream, but the creature probably had her gagged. Reeb's were a type of vampire, they liked their victims to feel fear to "sweeten" the blood according to the book Gilbert had. This the first one Gilbert had run into, but he recalled Larry telling him about them before, he remembered the name more than anything. The basement door was open, almost like an invitation, he knew the Reeb knew he was coming, he just hoped it didn't know he was exactly the type of exterminator that could kill it.
The basement had a smell to it. The kind of thing you almost swore you could see. Gilbert wished he brought a mask to protect him from the smell. He saw the photos Clarissa had noticed, he found Clarissa's phone, but he did not find Clarissa. Panic set in, Gilbert practically ran back up the stairs and cleared the rest of the house, no one was home. He emerged expecting the police having been called by the gun shot, but no one was there. It was only then he noticed no other house on the block had lights on. It was late at night but someone would have had a porch light or some kind of light on. Nothing, it was a like a localized power outage. He felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise up. The whole neighborhood was infested with Reebs.
****
"BE AFRAID OF ME!" The Reeb was now fully just what it was, a pale narrow faced creature with big black eyes. It had moved Clarissa to a nearby house and strung her up, she was next to the rotting corpse of someone. She couldn't even make out if it had been a man or a woman.
"Sorry I've just seen scarier." After the initial attack Clarissa wasn't really afraid of the Reeb, it was kind of a small pathetic creature.
"You're not afraid of me? I can drink your blood for months, draining you slowly until you'll be begging for death, and you'are not afraid of that?"
"I mean you smell bad there's that, but no? I guess not really you're just not that scary, kind of sad, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings." The rage building up in the Reeb was amusing to Clarissa, it let her keep from being too afraid knowing that's probably what the creature wanted. The Reeb through a tantrum as it left slamming the door, which caused Clarissa to laugh more. She wondered what the Reeb would come back with to scare her, maybe dressed as a clown, just the thought of that caused her to laugh more. Clarissa laughed so hard she missed the arguing in the hall until a shotgun roar sent the Reeb through the door into her room. Clarissa was relieved Gilbert was the reason behind the shotgun.
"What was that buckshot?" The Reeb's chest was open, black organs leaking on to the carpet.
"Rock salt."
"Good lord I'm glad to see you." Gilbert cut Clarissa down, and took out a squirt bottle from his pack spraying it on the corpse of the Reeb. The body started melting fully releasing a smell that caused Clarissa to cough.
"Acid?"
"Olive oil."
"Ok are we killing these things or cooking them?" Gilbert laughed
"Bit of both, I got some more shit in the van, the Reeb moved you down the street, but we should be able to make it back there with the stuff I got."
"We have more than one Reeb?"
"Whole neighborhood full of them."
"Beginning to hate October Gilbert."
Gilbert had pulled into Mrs. Clausens driveway behind Clarissa's jeep. He was looking in the back of the van with his flashlight in his mouth trying to decide on the optimal way to open the front door. He looked around at the quiet neighborhood and was worried if he just blew open the door lock someone would call the police, but he didn't have time to just pick a lock especially if it was dead bolted or latched on the inside. He picked up a double barrel shotgun and an ammo belt with the rest of his bag of supplies and made his way to the front door. He loaded some solid shot into the double barrell and aimed at where he figured the hinges were on the door. The first shot knocked the door mostly off its frame, the second had it hanging by just the door chain. He moved past it reloading the shotgun with rock salt as he did.
"Knock knock."
The inside did look very seventies to Gilbert, but unlike Clarissa had seen it, he could see how broken down it all was. The Reeb was not trying to hide itself from Gilbert. It was dark aside from the light coming from the door way from outside. Gilbert turned on the head lamp he'd brought with him, he thought it looked ridiculous on the job, but he'd rather look stupid and live then try and juggle a flash light with the kit he'd brought.
Clarissa had said she was in the basement, so that's where Gilbert thought he'd start. He was mildly alarmed he had not heard her scream, but the creature probably had her gagged. Reeb's were a type of vampire, they liked their victims to feel fear to "sweeten" the blood according to the book Gilbert had. This the first one Gilbert had run into, but he recalled Larry telling him about them before, he remembered the name more than anything. The basement door was open, almost like an invitation, he knew the Reeb knew he was coming, he just hoped it didn't know he was exactly the type of exterminator that could kill it.
The basement had a smell to it. The kind of thing you almost swore you could see. Gilbert wished he brought a mask to protect him from the smell. He saw the photos Clarissa had noticed, he found Clarissa's phone, but he did not find Clarissa. Panic set in, Gilbert practically ran back up the stairs and cleared the rest of the house, no one was home. He emerged expecting the police having been called by the gun shot, but no one was there. It was only then he noticed no other house on the block had lights on. It was late at night but someone would have had a porch light or some kind of light on. Nothing, it was a like a localized power outage. He felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise up. The whole neighborhood was infested with Reebs.
****
"BE AFRAID OF ME!" The Reeb was now fully just what it was, a pale narrow faced creature with big black eyes. It had moved Clarissa to a nearby house and strung her up, she was next to the rotting corpse of someone. She couldn't even make out if it had been a man or a woman.
"Sorry I've just seen scarier." After the initial attack Clarissa wasn't really afraid of the Reeb, it was kind of a small pathetic creature.
"You're not afraid of me? I can drink your blood for months, draining you slowly until you'll be begging for death, and you'are not afraid of that?"
"I mean you smell bad there's that, but no? I guess not really you're just not that scary, kind of sad, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings." The rage building up in the Reeb was amusing to Clarissa, it let her keep from being too afraid knowing that's probably what the creature wanted. The Reeb through a tantrum as it left slamming the door, which caused Clarissa to laugh more. She wondered what the Reeb would come back with to scare her, maybe dressed as a clown, just the thought of that caused her to laugh more. Clarissa laughed so hard she missed the arguing in the hall until a shotgun roar sent the Reeb through the door into her room. Clarissa was relieved Gilbert was the reason behind the shotgun.
"What was that buckshot?" The Reeb's chest was open, black organs leaking on to the carpet.
"Rock salt."
"Good lord I'm glad to see you." Gilbert cut Clarissa down, and took out a squirt bottle from his pack spraying it on the corpse of the Reeb. The body started melting fully releasing a smell that caused Clarissa to cough.
"Acid?"
"Olive oil."
"Ok are we killing these things or cooking them?" Gilbert laughed
"Bit of both, I got some more shit in the van, the Reeb moved you down the street, but we should be able to make it back there with the stuff I got."
"We have more than one Reeb?"
"Whole neighborhood full of them."
"Beginning to hate October Gilbert."
Friday, October 19, 2018
Like No Rat
92.
"Do you see anything dear?" Clarissa had been in the basement for twenty minutes and aside from dust and more awful 70's decor it was mostly just a boring basement. She had actually been on her cellphone on the last 10 minutes trying to figure out what rat signs look like.
"No Mrs. Clausen I'm not seeing anything, but I'm giving it a thorough once over I assure you." Clarissa was disappointed, she assumed something had to have been down there, but she was more increasingly convinced the only thing haunting Clausen was her loneliness. She found lots of pictures in the basement, boxes and boxes of them of family members who probably no longer visited, it broke Clarissa's heart.
"Well you be careful down there dearie, whatever it is it makes an awful sound." Clarissa hadn't heard anything, she could barely hear Mrs. Clausen above her. In desperation she called Gilbert.
"So what's haunting Mrs. Clausen?" Gilbert was chewing on something Clarissa thought it was rather rude to be eating while talking.
"What do Rats look like?"
"Brown, big tails, big ole buck teeth." Clarissa rubbed her temples for asking an obvious dumb question.
"No I mean like signs of them."
"Oh," Gilbert smiled he knew what Clarissa meant the first time, but wanted to be a dick anyway, "Usually be some large holes, things chewed up, droppings, you'll hear them too, if they are big enough they make an awful thumping in walls as they go, its no shock people think they are monsters sometimes, you see any of that?" Clarissa didn't see any of that, She hadn't seen a damn thing in the basement other than the photos and furniture.
"No nothing just some sad old memories of a lonely old person."
"The real monster loneliness, god knows I've been there, maybe she just needs someone to talk to." Clarissa was about to agree when movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She thought at first it was Mrs. Clausen, but whatever it was had been white all white and not as big as Clausen.
"Gilbert I just saw something."
"Was it a rat?"
"No I didn't get a good look but it looked to be like chalk white and about the size of a small child." Gilbert stopped his chewing for a moment, that description reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. He moved to his books and took one down starting to just thumb through pages.
"Clausen wasn't acting funny was she?"
"Define funny she was fully dressed in like a pants suit and her house looks like a tribute to the seventies."
"That's definitely acting funny, hold on put me on speaker phone and keep your eyes open." Clarissa did as she was told, she didn't see the white creature, but she felt it watching her now. The feeling was like finally noticing the garbage smell in your house after months of not noticing a rotten egg, it put her at ill ease just standing in the basement.
"I'm not seeing anything, but its rather dark down here Gilbert, could just be my imagination."
"You ever hear the phrase your first instinct is usually correct?"
"Is that a phrase?"
"Yeah its a damn kids swear to god," Clarissa chuckled it was the nervous laughter of someone trying not to lose it, "Do you see any photos down there?"
"Loads of them."
"Is Mrs Clausen in any of them?" Clarissa felt that chill up her back again, she hadn't even thought about that as she'd looked at the photos, but she hadn't seen a single one with Clausen in them.
"Oh god she's not, she's not at all Gilbert." Gilbert himself felt goose bumps on his arm, he frantically flipped pages until he got to the creature he remembered.
"It's a Reeb."
"A what?"
"Pick up your phone, get your shit and get out of there."
"Who are you talking to dear?" Clarissa damn near jumped out of her skin, Mrs. Clausen was uncomfortably close to her, and now Clarissa could see her clothes didn't look neat, they were in fact frayed and didn't fit properly. Clausen's skin also sagged in a way that no normal human persons would and her eyes were too large with no white just black. How Clarissa had misssed this the first time, was probably related to what was in the basement.
"My uhh boss, I thought I saw some rats down here, but I uhh this is embarrassing I didn't know the signs of rats."
"Oh I see a rat too my dear, I see one right in front of me." The line went silent for Gilbert and he knew the Reeb had gotten Clarissa. Gilbert knew he had some time, but not a whole lot, thankfully she had texted him the address before she left. He gathered some things and didn't even tell Doris good bye, Gilbert didn't even belt himself in before starting the Van.
"Do you see anything dear?" Clarissa had been in the basement for twenty minutes and aside from dust and more awful 70's decor it was mostly just a boring basement. She had actually been on her cellphone on the last 10 minutes trying to figure out what rat signs look like.
"No Mrs. Clausen I'm not seeing anything, but I'm giving it a thorough once over I assure you." Clarissa was disappointed, she assumed something had to have been down there, but she was more increasingly convinced the only thing haunting Clausen was her loneliness. She found lots of pictures in the basement, boxes and boxes of them of family members who probably no longer visited, it broke Clarissa's heart.
"Well you be careful down there dearie, whatever it is it makes an awful sound." Clarissa hadn't heard anything, she could barely hear Mrs. Clausen above her. In desperation she called Gilbert.
"So what's haunting Mrs. Clausen?" Gilbert was chewing on something Clarissa thought it was rather rude to be eating while talking.
"What do Rats look like?"
"Brown, big tails, big ole buck teeth." Clarissa rubbed her temples for asking an obvious dumb question.
"No I mean like signs of them."
"Oh," Gilbert smiled he knew what Clarissa meant the first time, but wanted to be a dick anyway, "Usually be some large holes, things chewed up, droppings, you'll hear them too, if they are big enough they make an awful thumping in walls as they go, its no shock people think they are monsters sometimes, you see any of that?" Clarissa didn't see any of that, She hadn't seen a damn thing in the basement other than the photos and furniture.
"No nothing just some sad old memories of a lonely old person."
"The real monster loneliness, god knows I've been there, maybe she just needs someone to talk to." Clarissa was about to agree when movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She thought at first it was Mrs. Clausen, but whatever it was had been white all white and not as big as Clausen.
"Gilbert I just saw something."
"Was it a rat?"
"No I didn't get a good look but it looked to be like chalk white and about the size of a small child." Gilbert stopped his chewing for a moment, that description reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. He moved to his books and took one down starting to just thumb through pages.
"Clausen wasn't acting funny was she?"
"Define funny she was fully dressed in like a pants suit and her house looks like a tribute to the seventies."
"That's definitely acting funny, hold on put me on speaker phone and keep your eyes open." Clarissa did as she was told, she didn't see the white creature, but she felt it watching her now. The feeling was like finally noticing the garbage smell in your house after months of not noticing a rotten egg, it put her at ill ease just standing in the basement.
"I'm not seeing anything, but its rather dark down here Gilbert, could just be my imagination."
"You ever hear the phrase your first instinct is usually correct?"
"Is that a phrase?"
"Yeah its a damn kids swear to god," Clarissa chuckled it was the nervous laughter of someone trying not to lose it, "Do you see any photos down there?"
"Loads of them."
"Is Mrs Clausen in any of them?" Clarissa felt that chill up her back again, she hadn't even thought about that as she'd looked at the photos, but she hadn't seen a single one with Clausen in them.
"Oh god she's not, she's not at all Gilbert." Gilbert himself felt goose bumps on his arm, he frantically flipped pages until he got to the creature he remembered.
"It's a Reeb."
"A what?"
"Pick up your phone, get your shit and get out of there."
"Who are you talking to dear?" Clarissa damn near jumped out of her skin, Mrs. Clausen was uncomfortably close to her, and now Clarissa could see her clothes didn't look neat, they were in fact frayed and didn't fit properly. Clausen's skin also sagged in a way that no normal human persons would and her eyes were too large with no white just black. How Clarissa had misssed this the first time, was probably related to what was in the basement.
"My uhh boss, I thought I saw some rats down here, but I uhh this is embarrassing I didn't know the signs of rats."
"Oh I see a rat too my dear, I see one right in front of me." The line went silent for Gilbert and he knew the Reeb had gotten Clarissa. Gilbert knew he had some time, but not a whole lot, thankfully she had texted him the address before she left. He gathered some things and didn't even tell Doris good bye, Gilbert didn't even belt himself in before starting the Van.
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