105.
"Well I have no idea how to operate a boat." Demurra and Doris were confused by the boat Demurra had sweet talked the dock worker into giving them. It looked like a pretty good boat, but neither one even knew what to do with it.
"Don't look at me I'm a summer Elf we don't hang with water." Demurra sighed, she didn't to have to convince an unwitting party again to help them, but she also didn't want to be sitting there on the docks while Clarissa was in danger.
"God this is the stupidest shit I've ever been involved with." Demurra got out of the boat and stomped back to the dock...
****
"Madness is here." The sailor's clothes were half torn off his body, cut marks adorned his arms from where he'd tried unsuccessfully to kill himself with a plastic butter knife.
"Are you the only one left?" Gilbert felt sorry for the kid, he looked like he was barely over twenty.
"Left? No, trapped, no way out, it wants me here, torments me, won't let me leave." The smell coming from him was overpowering, it was how Clarissa and Gilbert caught him in the first place.
"What does it want?" Clarissa didn't like the sailor, something about him felt off, like he wasn't real and this was another trick by the forest.
"Nothing," He laughed, all off kilter and crazy "But I can be free now." Gilbert didn't notice he'd slipped one of the ropes they put on him. In a quick motion he grabbed Gilbert's revolver and killed himself. The loud bang reverberated in the ship leaving Gilbert and Clarissa partially deaf. They stood there over the dead body for a bit while their ears cleared.
"So we're fucked right?"
"Mega fucked, I do have five more bullets though." Gilbert smiled, and Clarissa mustered up one herself.
"Well at least I'm stuck on a ship in the middle of hell fog with you Gilbert."
"I'd rather not be as well, but if I had to be you're a good companion for this too." They hugged each other, just clinging on to the fact there was hope for a little while.
****
"You're the worst." Doris had been insulting Demurra for the past twenty minutes ever since she'd taken the ability to drive a boat from the young man near the dock.
"Look what I did to him is not permanent and he got something out of it, win win."
"Says the demon."
"Former demon, and judge not lest ye be judged elf, you're thoughts are not so guarded."
"I hate this so much I don't know why I agreed to help you." Demurra didn't comment, she just kept following where she could feel Clarissa was, though she was getting worried how instead of getting a stronger feeling for her, it was getting weaker by the minute.
Friday, January 25, 2019
Friday, January 18, 2019
An Alliance of Interest
104.
"So just so you know I don't trust you." Demurra looked at Doris with a bemused glance. The office still was wrapped in sea weed and smelled terrible, but it wasn't the sea weed that made Demurra uncomfortable in it, it was the lingering essence.
"I'm aware elf you're thoughts are blaring through your head." Doris didn't like the demon, but she didn't have any one else she could rely on.
"You'll have to turn that shit off if we're going to work together." Demurra laughed.
"One I can't, and Two we're not working together, I'm going to go get my girlfriend back and you'll stay here and clean up sea weed."
"Not an option, I'm coming with you, Gilbert and Clarissa mean something to me too demon, more than they mean to you by far."
"Fair enough elf, but if you slow me down or show any kind of weakness I don't have an issue leaving you to what we are after."
"As do I to you." They shook on it to make it "official" and then set about to get to the coast, hopefully before Gilbert and Clarissa were gone forever.
****
"This is ghastly."
"Horrid."
"Hard to imagine a worse fate."
"Who knew twinkies could betray us like this." All of the rest of the food on the ship had been spoiled, rotted, or looked like something had infected it. Gilbert and Clarissa had found the junkfood section and had hoped for the best, but now they knew the truth even the twinkies had succumbed to the evil on the ship. So far the music wasn't there, the fog had surrounded their damaged ship and the naval ship, but it hadn't actually taken over the ships. It was waiting. For what Gilbert and Clarissa did not know and that was the scary thing.
"So we're stuck here then?"
"I fear this is its end game. Not to torment beyond trapping us. Like from seeing the ship that's what happened to the sailors, they got stuck in the fog, couldn't go anywhere and then one by one probably just killed themselves to end it."
"We haven't found the bodies."
"That's another thing I'm not super fond of so far." Gilbert looked at Clarissa and she shrugged.
"Maybe Doris will come to rescue us."
"If she knows we're missing."
"You're just a font of happy thoughts Gilbert."
"Well someone has to put a little rain cloud on your sunshine Clarissa." They both laughed at that, the sound echoed in the empty ship and sounded like something else was laughing back at them. Well that and something was.
"So just so you know I don't trust you." Demurra looked at Doris with a bemused glance. The office still was wrapped in sea weed and smelled terrible, but it wasn't the sea weed that made Demurra uncomfortable in it, it was the lingering essence.
"I'm aware elf you're thoughts are blaring through your head." Doris didn't like the demon, but she didn't have any one else she could rely on.
"You'll have to turn that shit off if we're going to work together." Demurra laughed.
"One I can't, and Two we're not working together, I'm going to go get my girlfriend back and you'll stay here and clean up sea weed."
"Not an option, I'm coming with you, Gilbert and Clarissa mean something to me too demon, more than they mean to you by far."
"Fair enough elf, but if you slow me down or show any kind of weakness I don't have an issue leaving you to what we are after."
"As do I to you." They shook on it to make it "official" and then set about to get to the coast, hopefully before Gilbert and Clarissa were gone forever.
****
"This is ghastly."
"Horrid."
"Hard to imagine a worse fate."
"Who knew twinkies could betray us like this." All of the rest of the food on the ship had been spoiled, rotted, or looked like something had infected it. Gilbert and Clarissa had found the junkfood section and had hoped for the best, but now they knew the truth even the twinkies had succumbed to the evil on the ship. So far the music wasn't there, the fog had surrounded their damaged ship and the naval ship, but it hadn't actually taken over the ships. It was waiting. For what Gilbert and Clarissa did not know and that was the scary thing.
"So we're stuck here then?"
"I fear this is its end game. Not to torment beyond trapping us. Like from seeing the ship that's what happened to the sailors, they got stuck in the fog, couldn't go anywhere and then one by one probably just killed themselves to end it."
"We haven't found the bodies."
"That's another thing I'm not super fond of so far." Gilbert looked at Clarissa and she shrugged.
"Maybe Doris will come to rescue us."
"If she knows we're missing."
"You're just a font of happy thoughts Gilbert."
"Well someone has to put a little rain cloud on your sunshine Clarissa." They both laughed at that, the sound echoed in the empty ship and sounded like something else was laughing back at them. Well that and something was.
Friday, January 11, 2019
You Can Never Be Free
103.
The ship was gone, the fog was gone, there was only the carnival. Clarissa knew it wasn't real, that she had been thrown into whatever nightmare zone of the mind the forest can do to people, but it was still horrifying. The music was back, lilting and off key, augmented by the sound of children laughing/crying, but other than the noise Clarissa was alone in the park and had been ever since Gilbert vanished in front of her. She had wandered the entire carnival and seen nothing but the rusted and broken down rides and attractions. Whatever the fog/forest wanted it kept that to itself.
****
Clarissa was gone, Gilbert was just warning her to stay close to the flare and then she was gone. This was all his fault, he knew it deep down he should have not been so gung ho here. He knew he should be more cautious but he'd thrown it to the wind to chase a white whale and now he was there, a flare dying next to him as he tried to figure out how to fix a boat engine.
"She's mine now." The horror amusement person was there just out of the flares range, like a haunting imagine.
"No she's not, you have power this is true, but you don't control the seas, soon as I get this shit moving we'll be free of you."
"You'll never be free of me you know that don't you? You may escape today, but I'll always have a part of you, until you die from this world, and then in the next I'll have you."
"Keep talking, the more time you're here bothering me, the less you're doing anything to Clarissa." Gilbert's hand's hurt. The generator was full of sharp parts and metal snags, he'd cut himself several times already, but he knew he had to keep at it, he had to free Clarissa and himself from the Fog if only to have more time to deal with the fog.
"I can do multiple things at once."
"I don't think you can honestly, I think you are more limited than you claim, such as it always is with creatures like yourselves." Gilbert found something stuck in a gear and removed it. He sighed to himself and pressed the ignition button and the ship came to life. The carnival barker faded as well, in his place was Clarissa.
"Oh god Gilbert it was so terrifying."
"Later we have to get up to the top and get this damn thing out of here."
****
"It felt like I was in there for days." The ship was underway, the fog was trailing them uncomfortably always behind, but Gilbert felt they were going to make it out.
"You were gone like five minutes, what did you see?"
"A carnival but like it was empty, just the remains of a broken down one." Gilbert felt a chill go down his back.
"Surprising, when I've visited that place, it wasn't empty, it makes me wonder SHIIIIIII." Gilbert's thought was interrupted by the large ship in front of them. He knew it wasn't there a second before the crash, that the forest/fog had put it there, but he still felt stupid for hitting it dead on. Somewhere behind them as the fog remained nearby he heard laughter.
The ship was gone, the fog was gone, there was only the carnival. Clarissa knew it wasn't real, that she had been thrown into whatever nightmare zone of the mind the forest can do to people, but it was still horrifying. The music was back, lilting and off key, augmented by the sound of children laughing/crying, but other than the noise Clarissa was alone in the park and had been ever since Gilbert vanished in front of her. She had wandered the entire carnival and seen nothing but the rusted and broken down rides and attractions. Whatever the fog/forest wanted it kept that to itself.
****
Clarissa was gone, Gilbert was just warning her to stay close to the flare and then she was gone. This was all his fault, he knew it deep down he should have not been so gung ho here. He knew he should be more cautious but he'd thrown it to the wind to chase a white whale and now he was there, a flare dying next to him as he tried to figure out how to fix a boat engine.
"She's mine now." The horror amusement person was there just out of the flares range, like a haunting imagine.
"No she's not, you have power this is true, but you don't control the seas, soon as I get this shit moving we'll be free of you."
"You'll never be free of me you know that don't you? You may escape today, but I'll always have a part of you, until you die from this world, and then in the next I'll have you."
"Keep talking, the more time you're here bothering me, the less you're doing anything to Clarissa." Gilbert's hand's hurt. The generator was full of sharp parts and metal snags, he'd cut himself several times already, but he knew he had to keep at it, he had to free Clarissa and himself from the Fog if only to have more time to deal with the fog.
"I can do multiple things at once."
"I don't think you can honestly, I think you are more limited than you claim, such as it always is with creatures like yourselves." Gilbert found something stuck in a gear and removed it. He sighed to himself and pressed the ignition button and the ship came to life. The carnival barker faded as well, in his place was Clarissa.
"Oh god Gilbert it was so terrifying."
"Later we have to get up to the top and get this damn thing out of here."
****
"It felt like I was in there for days." The ship was underway, the fog was trailing them uncomfortably always behind, but Gilbert felt they were going to make it out.
"You were gone like five minutes, what did you see?"
"A carnival but like it was empty, just the remains of a broken down one." Gilbert felt a chill go down his back.
"Surprising, when I've visited that place, it wasn't empty, it makes me wonder SHIIIIIII." Gilbert's thought was interrupted by the large ship in front of them. He knew it wasn't there a second before the crash, that the forest/fog had put it there, but he still felt stupid for hitting it dead on. Somewhere behind them as the fog remained nearby he heard laughter.
Friday, January 4, 2019
Twenty Minutes to Hell
102.
Not even the lapping of water on the hull, there was no sound, only music. The lilting off carnival music was everywhere. Even though Gilbert and Clarissa had ear plugs in the sound was in their heads. Carl wasn't around or if he was Gilbert couldn't find him. The ship itself seemed to be unable to move. They were sitting dead in the fog waiting for something, or nothing Gilbert couldn't tell. Clarissa's vomiting at least had stopped so that was a plus.
Gilbert didn't know what the entity of the forest wanted though. It had tricked/trapped them on the water in its vessel for some purpose, but it wasn't getting to it. Gilbert had not so much invaded its space this time, he'd been invited in, and that scared him he hadn't caught it until it was too late. Clarissa was more worried, she'd been the one to hurt the entity last time, and now it had her trapped on a ship where it could do whatever it wanted.
"Puppets." The skies parted and a large sea creature emerged. Both Gilbert and Clarissa knew this creature was not an actual thing. It was still very large and imposing, basically the forest showing how much it over powered them just in form. The music was at least gone, that was nice.
"What do you want?"
"You're death isn't that obvious." The sea monster was gone, the carnival barker back, though he looked worse for wear, as if burning down the forest had hurt it.
"So then kill us." Gilbert didn't like playing games, Clarissa wished he was a little less "asking for death."
"I want to go on the record of wanting to live, I have some laundry I want to do."
"The ant demands its death, as if the master cares about its wishes."
"Oh fuck off with all of that." Gilbert pulled a flare from his belt and tossed it toward the carnival barker. The creature recoiled as if stung and the fog seemed weakened for a moment, as if the flare was actually piercing it. The music returned, but standing near the flare helped.
"What's in the flare and tell me we have more of them."
"We don't, and it was kind of my in case of emergencies use item, I uhh don't have anything left, when it burns out that thing will be back for us."
"So how much time do we have until it burns out."
"Like twenty minutes."
"Well then I hope we can get the ship moving in twenty minutes Gilbert!"
Not even the lapping of water on the hull, there was no sound, only music. The lilting off carnival music was everywhere. Even though Gilbert and Clarissa had ear plugs in the sound was in their heads. Carl wasn't around or if he was Gilbert couldn't find him. The ship itself seemed to be unable to move. They were sitting dead in the fog waiting for something, or nothing Gilbert couldn't tell. Clarissa's vomiting at least had stopped so that was a plus.
Gilbert didn't know what the entity of the forest wanted though. It had tricked/trapped them on the water in its vessel for some purpose, but it wasn't getting to it. Gilbert had not so much invaded its space this time, he'd been invited in, and that scared him he hadn't caught it until it was too late. Clarissa was more worried, she'd been the one to hurt the entity last time, and now it had her trapped on a ship where it could do whatever it wanted.
"Puppets." The skies parted and a large sea creature emerged. Both Gilbert and Clarissa knew this creature was not an actual thing. It was still very large and imposing, basically the forest showing how much it over powered them just in form. The music was at least gone, that was nice.
"What do you want?"
"You're death isn't that obvious." The sea monster was gone, the carnival barker back, though he looked worse for wear, as if burning down the forest had hurt it.
"So then kill us." Gilbert didn't like playing games, Clarissa wished he was a little less "asking for death."
"I want to go on the record of wanting to live, I have some laundry I want to do."
"The ant demands its death, as if the master cares about its wishes."
"Oh fuck off with all of that." Gilbert pulled a flare from his belt and tossed it toward the carnival barker. The creature recoiled as if stung and the fog seemed weakened for a moment, as if the flare was actually piercing it. The music returned, but standing near the flare helped.
"What's in the flare and tell me we have more of them."
"We don't, and it was kind of my in case of emergencies use item, I uhh don't have anything left, when it burns out that thing will be back for us."
"So how much time do we have until it burns out."
"Like twenty minutes."
"Well then I hope we can get the ship moving in twenty minutes Gilbert!"
Friday, December 28, 2018
Ain't No Such Thing as Fogdar
101.
Doris opened the office and was greeted with a gush of cold air.
"Gilbert if you are going to leave a window open in winter this shit is going to happ...." The rest of her complaint died as she saw inside. The office was coated in seaweed. Doris didn't know what had happened, but she knew whatever it was, Gilbert, and probably Clarissa were in trouble, she only hoped they both knew that as well.
****
"Do you even know where you're going?" The interior of the ship looked better than the outside, but Gilbert kept feeling something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"I know where I'm going Gilbert don't you worry none, like father always said trust to god."
"I don't see what that..." But Captain Carl started singing a song and ignored Gilbert's plea. Gilbert left Carl to his steering and went to where Clarissa was. Something about the ship was making her violently ill.
"So where's the fog?" Clarissa's voice was haggard from all the vomiting.
"I don't know, something else been bothering me, haven't been able to put it to words."
"Oh please Gilbert, please tell me while were trapped on a ship looking for fog in the middle of nowhere, that something else is wrong." Gilbert chuckled and Clarissa vomited again.
"I just feel kind of funny."
"Funny ha ha or funny we're going to die?"
"Something feels off here, I just I don't know, I was trying to remember something about Carl and I couldn't, but I know there's something there, and then I tried to look him up on my cell phone and..."
"... And you didn't have a signal? Yeah mines shit too, I chalked it up to the water and the boat, but that doesn't make sense I've been on a ferry and they worked." Gilbert considered that for a moment and then something about hearing ferry shook something loose in his head and his face showed it.
"Oh god, oh we are in some shit now."
"What? What Gilbert tell me?" Clarissa hadn't seen Gilbert get like this and it scared her.
"I remembered Carl now, he went missing back in the 80's, off the coast near that god damn forest."
"Shit."
"Right? So either he just got lost for a bit, or there was no fog and we were tricked into coming on to the water with something the forest sent after us." No sooner had Gilbert said it then the fog seemed to be all around the ship.
"Or option 3, there is fog, we're stuck on the ship with a creature that controls it and the ship."
"I hate option 3."
Doris opened the office and was greeted with a gush of cold air.
"Gilbert if you are going to leave a window open in winter this shit is going to happ...." The rest of her complaint died as she saw inside. The office was coated in seaweed. Doris didn't know what had happened, but she knew whatever it was, Gilbert, and probably Clarissa were in trouble, she only hoped they both knew that as well.
****
"Do you even know where you're going?" The interior of the ship looked better than the outside, but Gilbert kept feeling something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"I know where I'm going Gilbert don't you worry none, like father always said trust to god."
"I don't see what that..." But Captain Carl started singing a song and ignored Gilbert's plea. Gilbert left Carl to his steering and went to where Clarissa was. Something about the ship was making her violently ill.
"So where's the fog?" Clarissa's voice was haggard from all the vomiting.
"I don't know, something else been bothering me, haven't been able to put it to words."
"Oh please Gilbert, please tell me while were trapped on a ship looking for fog in the middle of nowhere, that something else is wrong." Gilbert chuckled and Clarissa vomited again.
"I just feel kind of funny."
"Funny ha ha or funny we're going to die?"
"Something feels off here, I just I don't know, I was trying to remember something about Carl and I couldn't, but I know there's something there, and then I tried to look him up on my cell phone and..."
"... And you didn't have a signal? Yeah mines shit too, I chalked it up to the water and the boat, but that doesn't make sense I've been on a ferry and they worked." Gilbert considered that for a moment and then something about hearing ferry shook something loose in his head and his face showed it.
"Oh god, oh we are in some shit now."
"What? What Gilbert tell me?" Clarissa hadn't seen Gilbert get like this and it scared her.
"I remembered Carl now, he went missing back in the 80's, off the coast near that god damn forest."
"Shit."
"Right? So either he just got lost for a bit, or there was no fog and we were tricked into coming on to the water with something the forest sent after us." No sooner had Gilbert said it then the fog seemed to be all around the ship.
"Or option 3, there is fog, we're stuck on the ship with a creature that controls it and the ship."
"I hate option 3."
Friday, December 21, 2018
Foggy Bottom Boys
100.
"I don't think we can literally fight the weather Gilbert."
"It's not the weather girl, its unnatural the kind of fog that can drain a man dry in seconds." The old ship captain talked like a cliche old pirate.
"Carl here knows his fog's Clarissa, I trust him." Carl had been the first client after thanksgiving for GD exterminators. Doris was still on family leave, but this was normal she usually took Christmas time off.
"As I was saying, there's an evil fog out there Gilbert, not caused by no ghosts or anything else I've ever seen in all my years. Navy ain't talking about it, but they lost a whole crew of men to it shipping out of Bremerton. Just ship went into the fog full of crew, came out of the fog empty, picked clean." Gilbert hadn't been contacted by anyone in the military, but it didn't surprise him considering the current state of affairs.
"When did it show up?"
"Shortly after that fire up on the peninsula." Gilbert sucked air between his teeth. He was afraid of something like this, knew it was coming, but a fog? That was a different kind of thing than what he'd expected.
"It's why I'm here Gilbert, I heard you were involved in that, I knew the evil of those woods, but I didn't think that they could manifest on the water like they are now, or I assume they are now."
"You still got that old rust heap on the coast?"
"Gassed up and ready for you." Gilbert nodded and Captain Carl nodded and then left. Clarissa was left just wondering what happened.
****
"This is a bad idea Gilbert, the forest was one thing, but evil fog on ocean? That sounds like it would be worse."
"Can't just leave the problem for someone else Clarissa, that ain't my way." Gilbert didn't want to tell her how afraid he was. The evil in the woods was bad, worse than most things he'd dealt with, and now it was spreading to a new thing, which was mobile.
"Call the government."
"This government? You must be joking, even if I could convince my old unit to help, I don't think they are equipped for this, hell I don't even know if I am, and I understand if you want to stay behind on this one."
"I'm going, I just don't think we should Gilbert, this almost killed you once and that was on land."
"We'll be fine, Carl's an excellent captain, though it has been some years since I've been on one of his ships, I'm sure its in perfect quality."
****
Carl's ship was a rusted wreck of a barely functioning vessel when Gilbert got a look at it. He could hear Clarissa chuckling behind him when they had come down the pier with their gear.
"Shit."
"I don't think we can literally fight the weather Gilbert."
"It's not the weather girl, its unnatural the kind of fog that can drain a man dry in seconds." The old ship captain talked like a cliche old pirate.
"Carl here knows his fog's Clarissa, I trust him." Carl had been the first client after thanksgiving for GD exterminators. Doris was still on family leave, but this was normal she usually took Christmas time off.
"As I was saying, there's an evil fog out there Gilbert, not caused by no ghosts or anything else I've ever seen in all my years. Navy ain't talking about it, but they lost a whole crew of men to it shipping out of Bremerton. Just ship went into the fog full of crew, came out of the fog empty, picked clean." Gilbert hadn't been contacted by anyone in the military, but it didn't surprise him considering the current state of affairs.
"When did it show up?"
"Shortly after that fire up on the peninsula." Gilbert sucked air between his teeth. He was afraid of something like this, knew it was coming, but a fog? That was a different kind of thing than what he'd expected.
"It's why I'm here Gilbert, I heard you were involved in that, I knew the evil of those woods, but I didn't think that they could manifest on the water like they are now, or I assume they are now."
"You still got that old rust heap on the coast?"
"Gassed up and ready for you." Gilbert nodded and Captain Carl nodded and then left. Clarissa was left just wondering what happened.
****
"This is a bad idea Gilbert, the forest was one thing, but evil fog on ocean? That sounds like it would be worse."
"Can't just leave the problem for someone else Clarissa, that ain't my way." Gilbert didn't want to tell her how afraid he was. The evil in the woods was bad, worse than most things he'd dealt with, and now it was spreading to a new thing, which was mobile.
"Call the government."
"This government? You must be joking, even if I could convince my old unit to help, I don't think they are equipped for this, hell I don't even know if I am, and I understand if you want to stay behind on this one."
"I'm going, I just don't think we should Gilbert, this almost killed you once and that was on land."
"We'll be fine, Carl's an excellent captain, though it has been some years since I've been on one of his ships, I'm sure its in perfect quality."
****
Carl's ship was a rusted wreck of a barely functioning vessel when Gilbert got a look at it. He could hear Clarissa chuckling behind him when they had come down the pier with their gear.
"Shit."
Friday, December 14, 2018
Underestimated Again
99.
98
99
100
Gilbert looked went over the number in his head, it had been a very busy day indeed. The air smelled like sulfur and gun powder. Gilbert had actually had to use some of the weirder demon exorcism rituals he knew after he ran out of bullets. He was pretty much out of just about everything. All he had left was a pen and some invoices, so he sat down and started to add up all the stuff he'd done in the church. Gilbert started chuckling to himself amidst the demon carnage.
"What are you doing?" The last demon would have been scary to Gilbert if he hadn't literally killed/banished over a hundred of them already. It was a body made of different piece of flesh and its face was a mishappen mix of several peoples, grotesque like a picasso.
"Math right now, almost finished, we take cash check or charge, though only visa or mastercard, amex and discover are not welcome."
"HOW DARE YOU?"
"Look you guys had a hell of a demon problem, but with some fire recovery and some beam support you could probably get this church up and running again, I mean the location is shit, but eh its Idaho everything sucks here." Gilbert stood up and handed the flesh demon his bill.
"Are you joking? Ten thousand dollars?"
"Gave you a discount even, could have charged more." The demon looked genuinely offended at the amount.
"I'm not going to pay this, like frankly you're kind of a dick no one invited you in here, nor did we agree to this extermination, you just showed up and started killing people, and yes its killing were demons but we're sentient you monster."
"If you want we can take this to litigation."
"Right yeah sure the american court system is going to give a demon a break, bullshit, look just get out of here you jerk." Gilbert didn't hesitate to get out of the church's basement. He sprinted out of the building just as the demon must have read the back of the bill and realized Gilbert had put an exorcism ritual there.
"YOU'LL BURN DUNKLEY!" The creature shouted as the church building itself collapsed on itself. Gilbert walked calmly to his van and left, making note to give a real bill to Timms later.
****
"So my parents have effectively disowned me." Clarissa was crestfallen at home, Gilbert had barely gotten into the door when she loudly started to inform him of her disastrous Thanksgiving. Gilbert was going to say something about how he had just gotten home, and he wanted to shower, but he could tell the optimal thing would be to listen and empathize even when he just direly wanted not to.
"Oh it went badly?"
"Badly? Oh god it was worse than bad first my dad..."
98
99
100
Gilbert looked went over the number in his head, it had been a very busy day indeed. The air smelled like sulfur and gun powder. Gilbert had actually had to use some of the weirder demon exorcism rituals he knew after he ran out of bullets. He was pretty much out of just about everything. All he had left was a pen and some invoices, so he sat down and started to add up all the stuff he'd done in the church. Gilbert started chuckling to himself amidst the demon carnage.
"What are you doing?" The last demon would have been scary to Gilbert if he hadn't literally killed/banished over a hundred of them already. It was a body made of different piece of flesh and its face was a mishappen mix of several peoples, grotesque like a picasso.
"Math right now, almost finished, we take cash check or charge, though only visa or mastercard, amex and discover are not welcome."
"HOW DARE YOU?"
"Look you guys had a hell of a demon problem, but with some fire recovery and some beam support you could probably get this church up and running again, I mean the location is shit, but eh its Idaho everything sucks here." Gilbert stood up and handed the flesh demon his bill.
"Are you joking? Ten thousand dollars?"
"Gave you a discount even, could have charged more." The demon looked genuinely offended at the amount.
"I'm not going to pay this, like frankly you're kind of a dick no one invited you in here, nor did we agree to this extermination, you just showed up and started killing people, and yes its killing were demons but we're sentient you monster."
"If you want we can take this to litigation."
"Right yeah sure the american court system is going to give a demon a break, bullshit, look just get out of here you jerk." Gilbert didn't hesitate to get out of the church's basement. He sprinted out of the building just as the demon must have read the back of the bill and realized Gilbert had put an exorcism ritual there.
"YOU'LL BURN DUNKLEY!" The creature shouted as the church building itself collapsed on itself. Gilbert walked calmly to his van and left, making note to give a real bill to Timms later.
****
"So my parents have effectively disowned me." Clarissa was crestfallen at home, Gilbert had barely gotten into the door when she loudly started to inform him of her disastrous Thanksgiving. Gilbert was going to say something about how he had just gotten home, and he wanted to shower, but he could tell the optimal thing would be to listen and empathize even when he just direly wanted not to.
"Oh it went badly?"
"Badly? Oh god it was worse than bad first my dad..."
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