Friday, June 28, 2019

Trans Dimensional Liar Thank You

127.

"Trezlan this is no time for your bullshit." Gilbert could feel the injury with each step, but he still wouldn't put up with Trezlan no matter how hurt he was.

"My bullshit? Ha this from a monster exterminator who doesn't even carry a sword. But since you have a younger companion with you an apprentice of some sort perhaps I'll be kinder, today one time only I'll allow you to bother me with your demands." Trezlan talked almost too fast for Clarissa, like a conman well aware you aren't buying into the con.

"You're too kind."

"It's my worst character trait I admit, since I've been stuck in your world I've grown weaker, its exposure to you people, like a virus I feel infected to be kind, I can not return fast enough."

"Wait you're not from this world?" Clarissa was surprised by this even after everything she'd seen.

"So he claims, but Trezlan also claims to be hundreds of years old, he's the kind of liar you run into if you're unlucky once in a lifetime."

"And Gilbert is one of those uninteresting dullards who does not believe you even when the local natives have stories of you that date back to before this land was settled!"

"Yeah the natives also have a name for you too Trezlan, I can't get the sounds right, but it translates to 'bald man who lies'." Trezlan frowned.

"After everything I've done for them some of it even they asked for, just goes to show you no gratitude for the helpful, speaking of which we're done here out of my shop so paying customers can arrive." Gilbert turned around and looked at the no one in the store.

"I am a paying customer Trezlan, if you let me tell you what I want." Trezlan glowered, but didn't leave his place at the front of the store.

"Well what do you want?"

"Living Elk Horn."

"I don't sell animals here." Trezlan smiled, Gilbert was not having it.

"You know what I want."

"I do, but making people miserable is my favorite thing."

"Mission accomplished, now the Elk horn."

"Popular item that Elk horn, had a park ranger type in here the other day looking for some." Gilbert felt a twinge of pain go through his shoulder at the mention of the park ranger. Clarissa tensed up herself.

"Did you? Last guy I talked to that said that turned out to be one of the things we're hunting."

"I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!" Trezlan was triumphant like a child, which assured Gilbert he wasn't most likely a Skin Walker, but he wouldn't put it past them to try and trick him either. "I mean anytime someone said Roy Smith recommended me, ha not in this life time, so what are they some kind of changeling?"

"Yeah skin walkers, they can look like people, but they ain't."

"Ooh skin walkers let me write that one down." Trezlan produced a fairly large book and pen and started to write. Gilbert went to say something and Trezlan shushed him. Clarissa found the whole scene funny.

"So do you have the horn or not Trezlan?"

"I do, but you can only have it one condition." Gilbert sighed he knew what was coming, but also knew he needed the horn.

"What is the condition?"

"You have to take me with you!"

Friday, June 21, 2019

Every Good Trap

126.

"Shit you want isn't cheap Gilbert." Roy Smith was Gilbert's native american artifact supplier. He was an elder in the Duwamish tribe or so he told Gilbert despite his very anglicized name.

"Come on Roy you can't have that much of a need for living elk horn." This was the dance he always did with Roy. It was a tiring endless parade of  this thing you want is too expensive, I guess I could see myself letting it go for blah blah, it tired Gilbert, but he felt under the gun and the dance was obnoxious.

"Actually I'm fresh out, a park ranger bought all the stock I had." Gilbert felt that chill run down his spine, the trap being set by the skin walkers was expanding.

"A park ranger named Simmons?"

"I can't remember for sure, something like that."

"You don't remember for sure? You've got video right? Lets just check that out." Roy tried to say no, but Gilbert had already barreled past him into the office with Clarissa trailing after. The office itself looked like a fight had taken place there, papers and office furniture smashed about. The video player itself lay in pieces. Roy attacked Gilbert with large claws from his hand. Gilbert dodged to the left and ran into part of the wooden desk in the small office, his side burned from banging into it, and then the claws got him on his left shoulder, digging deep in.

Clarissa didn't have her bow with her, it wasn't supposed to be that kind of trip. She did have one of her knives though and she buried it into the skin walker's shoulder. The blade couldn't kill the creature, but it sure did harm it, the creature which was looking less like Roy Smith and more like some a hairless bear turned its attention to Clarissa. She backed out of the office and it followed after her. She tried to look around the shop for something to use against it, but it was all baubles and native american tourism stuff.

"You fucked up now girl, after I eat you, I'll go back for your friend." The skin Walker pulled her knife out and threw it into the wall, the blade went all the way through showing the strength of the creature.

"You'll struggle to do that with my fist in your god damn face." Clarissa just attacked the skin walker, she didn't know why or for what good, but with the options of fight or flee, she took fight. She landed a solid right on the skin walkers jaw which surprised it briefly, but it recovered quickly and snatched her by the throat. With minimal effort it flung her towards the wall and she went through it landing next to Gilbert. Everything hurt for Clarissa, even though the wall wasn't wood she was pretty sure she smashed hard into something.

The Skin Walker advanced on her, it looked bigger than it had before. Clarissa heard something behind her, it sounded like Gilbert. He passed something to her hard and sharp and she knew what it was. The Skin Walker lunged on top of her and she stuck the elk horn hard in its chest, she didn't know if the heart was in the same place as a person, or even where a heart normally was. But she aimed and stabbed. With the aid of the creatures own leap the elk horn stake went through all the way to her hand. The formerly aggressive creature went limp on top of her an almost crushing amount of extra weight.

"Can you like move?" Gilbert who was trapped behind her and in pain from the mauling he'd gotten just wanted to be free.

"I'm trying, but he's heavy and I got thrown through a wall Gilbert."

"Yeah well... can you move?" Clarissa wanted to smack Gilbert, but felt he was probably in worse shape than she was. With a lot of exertion of her legs and some whimpers from Gilbert when she leaned into him, she got the corpse of the skin walker off of her and got Gilbert free. His shoulder looked really bad to her untrained eyes, just too much blood and skin being loose.

"I'll be fine, but this isn't the only skin walker, they are pack hunters and we need to get out of here before others show up."

"Where will we go?" Clarissa didn't like that they only had a couple of the elk stakes to use, and the one she'd used already looked pretty worse for wear.

"We need to get more living elk, I know another guy but I'm so loathe to use him, but he's our only hope here, you'll have to drive, I'll do my best to patch up." Clarissa agreed even if she felt she should be driving him to a hospital.

****

The sign said TL Antiquities, Clarissa wondered why they'd come to an antique dealer for what they were after, but Gilbert insisted they were at the right place. Gilbert himself looked worse for wear, but he insisted they go inside together. The shop looked like a regular antique shop to Clarissa, if a bit extravagant for the rural area of Bellingham it was located in. The proprietor was a tall thin black man with a red goatee but a bald head.

"The answer is no, now leave my shop." And it only got worse from there.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Shape Shifting Assholes

125.

"Shape shifting assholes." Clarissa and Gilbert had mostly been quiet since they got the cheap hotel room. Both had seen the other in various forms of naked for a while now so neither were bothered by taking showers in the presence of the other. Gilbert was the first one to really speak as he was drying his hair.

"What are?"

"Skin walkers, you hadn't asked, but I figured you would eventually. They are a native american demon, or at least natives ran across them first. They tend to hide as a lot of different animals, even people, but really they are just shape shifting assholes." Gilbert still didn't like what had happened, and unsprung trap is scary, it shows intent but not follow through.

"So what do they want normally?"

"To torture people mentally and physically and then kill and eat them. They are like an evil shape changing cat, usually pack hunters too." Clarissa shivered the air felt too cold all at once.

"So how do we kill them?"

"Elk horn of a living elk right to the heart."

"Living Elk?"

"Means you can't have killed it, not that we have to like get an elk to ram one through the chest, though I admit the idea of tricking a pack of skin walkers into a pack of elk is amusing."

"So do you have some of this elk stuff available?"

"I have one knife, but I know where I can get more, and we'll need more, this pack of skin walkers are not just some monster hiding in the forest, they have a plan here and that's worrying to me, come on lets get to Missing Persons, Garcia and Micheals won't wait all day.

****

Missing Persons was in the sub basement of the sub basement. It wasn't even the official branch of the missing person's department, that was upstairs in the regular department areas. Where Micheals and Garcia worked was next to a bunch of things that wouldn't have looked out of place in the X-Files. Officially the Seattle Police Department did not believe in monsters, nor sending officers to chase them, unofficially if you pissed off the right people you wound up in "missing persons". Tasked with chasing down every bump in the night and every dumb kook in the city who claimed they saw a bigfoot. Micheals actually had some wins since she got busted down from Lieutenant due to a nebulous personnel complaint. She had Gilbert to thank for those when she called him up on a whim when reading the back of some Cryptozoological magazine.

"Christ every time I come here it looks sadder than the last time." Gilbert laughed at the two desk set up and the "wanted bigfoot" poster on big display between them.

"Nothing quite as sad as your sense of humor Gilbert, what took you two so long?"

"Imp juice soaks your skin, you have to scrub for a few minutes." Clarissa ever the haggard old hand at killing monsters spoke for Gilbert.

"I was trying to balance cheap and won't get a disease from being in the room when selecting my motel." Gilbert still didn't like how much he had to pay, but he made due with at least the shower was hot.

"Well while you two were dinking around we found out shit, Simmons the ranger, and the two joggers are now missing, so the trap was sprung." Garcia got up and put the pictures of the three missing people on the board underneath big foot. Gilbert shook his head, that didn't make sense, why kill people after you'd lured them to a location. He paced for a second, no one said anything, and then he stopped and slapped Micheals desk.

"Yeah they are missing, but not the ones you met."

"You're not making sense Gilbert." Micheals was confused, but Gilbert generally did that to her.

"The trap, it wasn't to catch some joggers or a park ranger. If you're a predator you know that you aren't the only one out there, you know that there are other predators, so you set up a trap and see who comes." It dawned on Garcia and Micheals at the same time, the weird awkward nature of Simmons and him being confused missing persons was there.

"Shit they were looking for us." Garcia sat in his chair slightly worried about his interaction with Simmons and the Joggers.

"But what they didn't see was us." Clarissa could feel confidence creeping into her thoughts.

"Right, they saw you two, but I didn't see a park ranger or joggers when I pulled up, so they got your scent but not mine, and the imp guts would have made the actual scent worse. Which makes you two bait for our own trap."

"I don't like this plan at all."

"Sure you don't Micheals, but you'll love it when we catch these shape shifting assholes."

"Or I'll be dead and eaten and not have an opinion on it."

"Try and stay positive Micheals, they might just capture us and torture us." Garcia didn't like the plan either, but he also didn't have plans for the weekend anyway.

Friday, June 7, 2019

Missing Persons

124.

"I'm just at a loss as to why you guys were called in." The Park Ranger's tag read Simmons.

"You ever piss of your leadership Simmons?" The woman talking was dressed in a relaxed business suit, she had her badge on her hip.

"Yes? uhh a couple times?"

"He ever assign you a shit job until he likes you again?"

"Uhhh she and I guess? I still don't..."

"That's why me and Garcia are here."

"Speak for yourself Micheals, I asked for this job." Garcia was taller and wider than Micheals, his suit was also more rumpled. Both looked like extra's on an episode of law and order standing in the middle of the woods looking up at the remains of something in a tree, the blood ran all the way up the trunk.

"I just don't know why missing persons was called out."

"You called the sheriff's office with an animal attack, sheriff's called SPD and they called us."

"No one is missing?"

"Something is up that tree, most likely human, most likely reported missing, hence missing persons." Micheals tired of Simmons and his questions. Garcia instinctively knew his partners lack of patience and had Simmons moved off to ask questions that didn't matter but would leave Micheals in peace. Micheals saw the claw marks in the tree, they were deep enough only two creature she was aware of could make them, and neither were good news. She pulled out her cell and made the call.

"GD Exterminators we're currently running a special on Imps." Micheals chortled at the thought of Imps, the only time she'd seen something like that was in a video game.

"Delores this is Lisa Micheals with the SPD."

"How can we help you Detective Micheals."

"Tell Gilbert we might have a skin walker, and we're going to need him to confirm."

"Just a moment."

****

Gilbert and Clarissa showed up to the woodland trail an hour later. The coroner finally had arrived as well. Simmons the park ranger had been sent on his way. Gilbert and Clarissa were coated in some kind of green slime from a nearby job.

"Is that the remains of an Imp?" Micheals had to stifle a laugh at their appearance.

"Yeah, damn things are in season for some reason, we're running a special."

"So I heard. this your new partner? She looks a little young Gilbert."

"Lisa Micheals, Clarissa Shipley, and yeah she's my new assistant, don't let her age fool you, she's got ice water in her veins." Clarissa didn't hold out her hand to shake, they hadn't been able to wash them from the imps and felt it was impolite to spread the imp guts.

"I can't remember if I was partnered with Larry the last time we had business."

"Nah your partner was a husky fellow Dumbo something." Micheals and Garcia both laughed.

"Doobro, but yeah Dumbo sounds about right for that dumb ass."

"Big fan of your work Mr. Dunkley, though not of the smell of you two." Garcia had smelled the two coming before he'd ever seen them, the imp slime was very fragrant.

"Didn't have time to change, especially if it's a skin walker."

"It's either that or a Wendigo, I know my claws Gilbert."

"Not doubting, just you might have jumped the gun could have been a cougar, you never know." Micheals stuck her tongue out, but she lead Gilbert to where the coroner's office was attempting to get what they could of the remains from the tree. The coroners gave him a wide berth because of the smell, Gilbert kind of chuckled that people who were busy picking up body parts thought he smelled bad. The claw marks in the tree were deep, he looked there, looked up at the body parts the coroners office was collecting and then came back to Micheals.

"Skinwalker."

"You sound so sure." Micheals wasn't surprised he said skin walker, just that he seemed to say it definitively.

"Wendigo's eat people they don't distribute them up trees, cougars also would have left more of a corpse, what's weird is this is a trap that wasn't sprung, joggers found the body and then got out alive?"

"Yeah found the body and called it in, hell ranger station had people come out before we got here." Garcia chimed in looking at his notes. Gilbert shook his head.

"I don't like it, Skinwalkers are smart murderous bastards, but they usually don't play the long game, something else is fucked up here."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Lets go back to your office, Clarissa and I will get a room and clean up, we'll meet you in a couple hours, something is wrong, and we need to put it right." They all agreed, especially with the cleaning part.