Ain't No Such Thing as Fogdar

101.

Doris opened the office and was greeted with a gush of cold air.

"Gilbert if you are going to leave a window open in winter this shit is going to happ...." The rest of her complaint died as she saw inside. The office was coated in seaweed. Doris didn't know what had happened, but she knew whatever it was, Gilbert, and probably Clarissa were in trouble, she only hoped they both knew that as well.

****
"Do you even know where you're going?" The interior of the ship looked better than the outside, but Gilbert kept feeling something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"I know where I'm going Gilbert don't you worry none, like father always said trust to god."

"I don't see what that..." But Captain Carl started singing a song and ignored Gilbert's plea. Gilbert left Carl to his steering and went to where Clarissa was. Something about the ship was making her violently ill.

"So where's the fog?" Clarissa's voice was haggard from all the vomiting.

"I don't know, something else been bothering me, haven't been able to put it to words."

"Oh please Gilbert, please tell me while were trapped on a ship looking for fog in the middle of nowhere, that something else is wrong." Gilbert chuckled and Clarissa vomited again.

"I just feel kind of funny."

"Funny ha ha or funny we're going to die?"

"Something feels off here, I just I don't know, I was trying to remember something about Carl and I couldn't, but I know there's something there, and then I tried to look him up on my cell phone and..."

"... And you didn't have a signal? Yeah mines shit too, I chalked it up to the water and the boat, but that doesn't make sense I've been on a ferry and they worked." Gilbert considered that for a moment and then something about hearing ferry shook something loose in his head and his face showed it.

"Oh god, oh we are in some shit now."

"What? What Gilbert tell me?" Clarissa hadn't seen Gilbert get like this and it scared her.

"I remembered Carl now, he went missing back in the 80's, off the coast near that god damn forest."

"Shit."

"Right? So either he just got lost for a bit, or there was no fog and we were tricked into coming on to the water with something the forest sent after us." No sooner had Gilbert said it then the fog seemed to be all around the ship.

"Or option 3, there is fog, we're stuck on the ship with a creature that controls it and the ship."

"I hate option 3."

Foggy Bottom Boys

100.

"I don't think we can literally fight the weather Gilbert."

"It's not the weather girl, its unnatural the kind of fog that can drain a man dry in seconds." The old ship captain talked like a cliche old pirate.

"Carl here knows his fog's Clarissa, I trust him." Carl had been the first client after thanksgiving for GD exterminators. Doris was still on family leave, but this was normal she usually took Christmas time off.

"As I was saying, there's an evil fog out there Gilbert, not caused by no ghosts or anything else I've ever seen in all my years. Navy ain't talking about it, but they lost a whole crew of men to it shipping out of Bremerton. Just ship went into the fog full of crew, came out of the fog empty, picked clean." Gilbert hadn't been contacted by anyone in the military, but it didn't surprise him considering the current state of affairs.

"When did it show up?"

"Shortly after that fire up on the peninsula." Gilbert sucked air between his teeth. He was afraid of something like this, knew it was coming, but a fog? That was a different kind of thing than what he'd expected.

"It's why I'm here Gilbert, I heard you were involved in that, I knew the evil of those woods, but I didn't think that they could manifest on the water like they are now, or I assume they are now."

"You still got that old rust heap on the coast?"

"Gassed up and ready for you." Gilbert nodded and Captain Carl nodded and then left. Clarissa was left just wondering what happened.

****

"This is a bad idea Gilbert, the forest was one thing, but evil fog on ocean? That sounds like it would be worse."

"Can't just leave the problem for someone else Clarissa, that ain't my way." Gilbert didn't want to tell her how afraid he was. The evil in the woods was bad, worse than most things he'd dealt with, and now it was spreading to a new thing, which was mobile.

"Call the government."

"This government? You must be joking, even if I could convince my old unit to help, I don't think they are equipped for this, hell I don't even know if I am, and I understand if you want to stay behind on this one."

"I'm going, I just don't think we should Gilbert, this almost killed you once and that was on land."

"We'll be fine, Carl's an excellent captain, though it has been some years since I've been on one of his ships, I'm sure its in perfect quality."

****

Carl's ship was a rusted wreck of a barely functioning vessel when Gilbert got a look at it. He could hear Clarissa chuckling behind him when they had come down the pier with their gear.

"Shit."

Underestimated Again

99.

98

99

100

Gilbert looked went over the number in his head, it had been a very busy day indeed. The air smelled like sulfur and gun powder. Gilbert had actually had to use some of the weirder demon exorcism rituals he knew after he ran out of bullets. He was pretty much out of just about everything. All he had left was a pen and some invoices, so he sat down and started to add up all the stuff he'd done in the church. Gilbert started chuckling to himself amidst the demon carnage.

"What are you doing?" The last demon would have been scary to Gilbert if he hadn't literally killed/banished over a hundred of them already. It was a body made of different piece of flesh and its face was a mishappen mix of several peoples, grotesque like a picasso.

"Math right now, almost finished, we take cash check or charge, though only visa or mastercard, amex and discover are not welcome."

"HOW DARE YOU?"

"Look you guys had a hell of a demon problem, but with some fire recovery and some beam support you could probably get this church up and running again, I mean the location is shit, but eh its Idaho everything sucks here." Gilbert stood up and handed the flesh demon his bill.

"Are you joking? Ten thousand dollars?"

"Gave you a discount even, could have charged more." The demon looked genuinely offended at the amount.

"I'm not going to pay this, like frankly you're kind of a dick no one invited you in here, nor did we agree to this extermination, you just showed up and started killing people, and yes its killing were demons but we're sentient you monster."

"If you want we can take this to litigation."

"Right yeah sure the american court system is going to give a demon a break, bullshit, look just get out of here you jerk." Gilbert didn't hesitate to get out of the church's basement. He sprinted out of the building just as the demon must have read the back of the bill and realized Gilbert had put an exorcism ritual there.

"YOU'LL BURN DUNKLEY!" The creature shouted as the church building itself collapsed on itself. Gilbert walked calmly to his van and left, making note to give a real bill to Timms later.

****

"So my parents have effectively disowned me." Clarissa was crestfallen at home, Gilbert had barely gotten into the door when she loudly started to inform him of her disastrous Thanksgiving. Gilbert was going to say something about how he had just gotten home, and he wanted to shower, but he could tell the optimal thing would be to listen and empathize even when he just direly wanted not to.

"Oh it went badly?"

"Badly? Oh god it was worse than bad first my dad..."

The Depths of Belief

98.

Knock

Knock

Knock

Silence

Gilbert sat beside the door. He'd knocked several times hoping someone would answer and explain why he was here. But no one was coming, no one was answering and his desire to remain was wavering. Gilbert was about to turn away when the door opened. There was no one behind it of course, but whatever was in the church was letting Gilbert inside.

"Today is going to be a bad day." Gilbert looked once more outside and then stepped in. The doors slamming behind him made him sigh to himself. The church's interior was all torched, people's scorched skeletal bodies rested in the pews. Gilbert took out some salt and drew a line from the door as he went, a safe space he could jump behind against what was inhabiting the church. Gilbert could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He had the double barrel shotgun readied, a mixed load of ammunition in the chambers based on what he felt may be inside.

Past the pews and the pulpit where a preacher apparently appeared to have burnt to death during a sermon was a basement. Gilbert cursed. He knew this is where he had to go, knew it and didn't want to go down stairs.As he sat there looking her heard a laugh, a rumbling strike of thunder of a laugh. Like someone who had just heard the funniest joke in the world just laughing and laughing.

"What amuses you demon?"

"You do with your salt and your piety Exterminator." Flames walked up from the deep, a man like form coated in them stomping up the stairs each foot step echoed in the church and reverberated on the walls.

"Behold the mighty demon locked away in a rural church in Idaho."

"This is my prison, but you are not my jailor, you are my savior. I can not walk out of here like this, but in your flesh? In your flesh I can be free." He reached the top of the stairs with a grin. The demon's face was burnt flesh and blackened teeth, the remains of whoever was the poor soul who summoned him in the first place. Gilbert opened fire with one barrel, it caught the demon in his left shoulder and tore it apart, the left arm hung dangling. The demon's grin disappeared, replaced with a snarl.

"Oh not quite so happy are we demon? I hope there's more of you in here or this job is going to be too easy." Gilbert popped open the breach on his shotgun and loaded two more shells into it, "Must have been a demon of dumb assery." The demon howled but the shotgun roared and that was the end of it. Gilbert emptied some more salt on its remains and muttered a prayer to the lord even though he personally never felt that part was worth a damn.

He knew there were more though, the one demon was just an entry point for the rest, like someone who opened the door, the basement which now blazed before him confirmed this. Gilbert sighed to himself and reloaded the shotgun, it was going to be a very very long day.

Take Me to Church

97.

"No Clarence." Gilbert was alone in the office, Clarissa had gone home for thanksgiving trying to work things out with her family or so she claimed. Gilbert knew that was bullshit thought, since she was bringing a literal succubus to dinner to shove it in her families face how far she was gone, but who was he to get in the way of her family squabbles. Timms had called not too long after he'd gotten in and read the note from Doris that she too was going home for the holidays despite Elves not actually celebrating any holiday during winter he was aware of.

"You didn't even hear me out."

"I didn't need to, I heard your voice that's all I need."

"Come on Gil don't act like you don't owe me." Gilbert wanted to huff about all the things he's done for Timms over the years and how the balance is in his favor more so than Timms, but he knew from past conversations that never ever worked out.

"What do you want?" The resignation set in, the resignation that Gilbert was going to do whatever Timms needed whether he wanted to or not.

"There's a church in Idaho."

"Lots of church's in Idaho reverend."

"This one's special all isolated up near the tip, something funny going on there."

"Funny ha ha or?"

"Funny awful."

"And you know about this?"

"I got an ear to the ground where I'm at, I'll text you the address, but I have to go Gil, talk later." Gilbert knew they wouldn't talk later, they never did. Clarence would just drop this kind of garbage on Gilbert probably with some knowledge brought to him by a demon and then Gilbert would have to deal with it. It was a pattern Gilbert had gotten used to in a sad sort of way. He gathered his "Timms" set of gear, mostly holy artifacts and bullets and walked out to the van. He'd have left a note for Clarissa and Doris, but he knew he'd be the first one back anyway, and so the note was a waste of time.

****

Gilbert checked the address twice to make sure Timms or his GPS had not lead him astray. To his dismay it was correct. He had been traveling down a mostly gravel road up until he got to a small dirt road. None of this said place that Gilbert wanted to go, but he had grudgingly agreed to Timms request and driven out to butt fuck no where Idaho and so he was all in for the duration. Traveling up the road as it winded around dead trees and muddy unkempt roads eventually lead to a run down church more rotting than standing and a parking lot full of rusted cars.

"Fucking Timms." Gilbert muttered as he got out of the van. He had figured maybe he was being called in as a favor to an uptight clergyman who had heard something in the basement that just loose pipes. But no this was some ancient portal of evil long discarded and avoided and he had blithely driven up without paying heed to any of the clear "stay away" warning signs. This is where Gilbert missed Clarissa most, she was a nice grounded view point into not doing stupid things, but she wasn't at the church and Gilbert knew once he was here he couldn't leave until the job was done. So he steeled himself, gathered up his supplies including extra flash light batteries and then knocked on the door to the church.

Revenge of the WereTurkeys

96.

"Ok you were right turkeys are scary." The cook and waitress were dead, Gilbert and Clarissa had barricaded the windows with furniture to stem the Turkey horde. Gilbert had managed to get some weapons from his van, but both he and Clarissa felt they had ultimately too little versus the turkey's too many.

"So what do we have versus the turkey horde?" Gilbert didn't like their chances, it was late at night, they were at an isolated truck stop diner and the turkeys had some how planned their way to the ambush he and Clarissa found himself in.

"Well I have eight arrows, you managed to snag a box of shotgun shells and the double barrel and I believe I picked up a pistol magazine without a pistol to put it into." Gilbert shook his head, somewhere outside the restaurant the turkeys gobbled at each other.

"Its nice to be fucked, especially by turkeys, I'm sure in some Karma for extravagant thanksgiving celebrations sort of way."

"We aren't getting stuffed, not today, not ever, hold down the front Gilbert I'm going to go look in the back for something." Clarissa had no idea what she was looking for, or what a greasy spoon in the middle of nowhere could have that would stop a wereturkey army, but she was determined to find it. The kitchen was horrifying when Clarissa entered it. More so for how unclean it was, she immediately regretted everything she'd eaten earlier.

"Going to need that plan fast, the turkey's have gone quiet, pretty sure they're planning something." Clarissa laughed to herself as the idea of being afraid of turkeys was funny up until an hour before.

"I got something but you're not going to like it."

"Bring it out."

Clarissa wheeled out the fryers from in the back, Gilbert could see the caked on crumbs and blackened remains of many many fried foods, but was confused why Clarissa thought they would help.

"Before you ask, no we're not going to get them to get to jump in the fryer, we're going to cook them another way."

"Grease fire, smart."

"It burns hot right?"

"Real hot, so lure them in and then torch it? Sneak out the back?"

"Better than our current plan of just waiting to die right."

"Right." Gilbert smiled at the cleverness of the plan. It could just as easily fail, but so could a lot of things.

They coated the floors in the grease, making sure to keep up the illusion to the turkeys they weren't planning on cooking them alive. Clarissa had taken some of the spare ammunition from one of the pistol magazines and gotten the powder out of it to put on her arrow, she figured it was the safest way to set the restaurant on fire, if there was such a thing. They had coated the front area in grease, the floors glistened unnaturally and were super slick, Clarissa already fell on her butt once just trying to get to the back.

"So we're just going to wait for?" Clarissa didn't know how to open the doors, her and Gilbert had disagreed on what they should do. Gilbert's plan was to wait, the turkeys had a plan to get in and he knew if they tried to open the door up to them it would make it obvious it was a trap. Clarissa thought this was stupid and the longer they waited the less they'd get all the turkeys at once. Before Gilbert could answer her question the roof caved in, hundreds of murderous turkeys covered the ruined floor. Clarissa lit the arrow and let it fly, she worried for a moment while it was in the air the ruined roof would stop the floor from catching fire, but as soon as the arrow hit the ground the floor went as did the rest of the restaurant.

Gilbert and Clarissa quickly left the building through a back entrance. Inside the were turkey's were howling as they burned. The alpha turkey saw his plan fail and slinked off during the fire, vowing revenge once again on Gilbert. Though neither Clarissa or Gilbert knew this, and still to this day are unaware of it beyond "remember that time we cooked turkeys in rural washington".

*****

"Were turkeys?"

"Yes Sheriff." The fire department arrived a half hour in, the sheriff a guy that Gilbert had talked to once or twice but could not remember if he was friendly with had followed shortly after that.

"Explains the smell, like my wifes thanksgiving, all burnt and awful I hate turkey you see."

"Coming around to it myself."

"Shame about Denis's place and Denise herself, always liked the pie."

"Coffee wasn't half bad either."

"Well you and your assistant be safe now, I'd say come back soon but seeing as you showed up and burnt down a restaurant how about you don't."

"Fair enough Sheriff Fair enough." And thus ended the were turkey revenge. For now. DUN DUN DUN.

The Were Turkey Menance

95.

"Ok I'm calling bullshit, you are not afraid of Turkeys." Clarissa and Gilbert had stopped at an all night diner along the road. Gilbert was well into his second cup of coffee as he was telling his story.

"You didn't see these turkeys, honestly its something I keep under my hat, not a lot of people would respect a man afraid of Turkey gobbling, but seeing this sea of evil turkeys just put me in a bad place." Clarissa shook her head.

"I just don't believe that like gobble gobble can unsettle you."

"Can I just get back to telling my damn story?"

"Sure sure."

****

At first they didn't notice me. I don't know what goes on in the mind of a wereturkey, but it apparently was just to gobble and wait. I was thinking of backing up when the damn things attacked all at once. Just a mess of gobling and pecking, they started punching through the windshield and windows almost immediately. I put the van into gear and gunned it hoping to at least clear the herd more than anything. Trouble was I couldn't see where I was going, and so I smashed through the herd, off the road and right into a tree.

I was disoriented from the crash, but the turkeys were still attacking so I knew I had to do something. This is where my military training really helped. I'd killed plenty of things as a government exterminator, so I knew I had to control the situation or the damned were fowl would win. So I loaded up a rifle, a double barrel shotgun and various knives and threw open the side door of my van and opened up. I didn't exactly know what would take down the turkeys, but I knew I could at least wound the bastards long enough to put them down.

I don't know what goes through the mind of a were turkey other than malice and hatred, but I do know bullets can too. Unlike say a were wolf, were turkeys are just mean, but can be killed all the same as any other creature. So I started making sunday dinner out of all them damn turkeys. Using all my ammo in the process because when you're scared you don't make the wisest of shooting decisions.

The turkey's lay dead and splattered all around my van. I could see from the impact it was going to probably be a total'd van. One of six in my entire career and this one was at the start, which let me tell you made me think I made the smartest of decisions. I thought I had gotten all the turkeys at first. But then I heard another gobble. A gobble that wasn't a regular gobble, it was an evil gobble.

****

"Seriously another evil gobble?"

"Will you quit?" Gilbert was on to his fourth cup of coffee. Clarissa hadn't seen the waitress in twenty minutes, but figured it was late at night and they were the only people at the restaurant.

"I'm just saying I'm not entirely buying this story of evil turkeys."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"Bender of the truth."

"You know I have to go to the bathroom, and when I'm done and we're back on the road I hope you'll be more receptive to my story."

"I hope your story is more closely lined to the truth!" Gilbert got up in a huff and Clarissa quietly laughed to herself. And in the wilderness nearby the were turkey planned its revenge.

Turkey Time Gobble Gobble

94.

...This was before Delores was working for me. Before I really had any of my current client list. Sure I'd killed monsters for the Army, but private extermination is a different business. You don't have the resources or men, its just you and what you could afford to bring. I stupidly had business would just roll on in. Being a well known government exterminator would carry over. It had not at all. So when I got call from a farmer near Cottonwood Minnesota I couldn't exactly say no.

"Got your number from an old army buddy, said you handled weird shit in the army." His voice was that usual southern drawl farmers got even when they were well north of the Mason Dixon.

"So what's troubling you?"

"Something been killing my turkeys, ripping them up bad like no wolf ever done, I asked the local sheriff to look into it but I'm not popular in these parts and they aren't helping me." The way he said popular told me he was black and they weren't out to help him on that, racism is hard grained in this country even in places people think it aint.

"I hear you, you think it could be people?"

"No, well if it is they are some evil fucking people," There was some dead noise on the phone and then shouting I couldn't make out, "God damn its happening again, I'm going to go out and check."

"No sir stay where you are I can be there in a couple days."

"I'll just check don't worry." I waited for an hour for him to come back, but he never did. Even knowing I probably wouldn't get paid I figure I'd have to go, maybe he'd be alive, its not like I had a whole lot going on for myself at the time. So I gathered some stuff, up including books I'd owned in the military and made my way over to Cottonwood. Well eventually, turns out finding a farm town in Minnesota in the age of no gps was less than ideal. I told him a couple days it took me three.

Cottonwood was empty when I got there. I don't mean like it was a small town, I mean no one was there. Every building, house, and street was devoid of life. There's always something unsettling about showing up to a place that is supposed to have people but doesn't. You're just afraid, all your fears adding up in your head telling you to leave and pretend you never came. I probably should have left having no job and no idea what was wrong, but I think ultimately I always tell myself this job is about helping people and I figured just leaving wouldn't help anyone except myself so I stayed.

I did know that the farm was probably my best bet for finding out what had happened. So after making another double check in town to make sure I hadn't missed anyone. I set out for farm country, figured I could find one without issue, hopefully someone there could point me to the only black Turkey farmer around. I wasn't out of town very far before I heard it. A sound that still can make my blood chill even today.

Turkeys, gobbling, thousands of them, all at once.

Beware the WereTurkey

94.

"It was no issue Mayor I mean if I ran across someone surrounded by bodies with a shotgun I'd probably arrest them too." Gilbert and Clarissa had only been detained a couple of hours by the local police, just long enough for the police to make sure that yep those were Reebs. Gilbert didn't necessarily mind, he got to take a shower and there wasn't anyone else in the cell aside from Clarissa so it wasn't like he got hassled. It was actually one of the nicer times he'd been arrested. They were already on the road again when the mayor called.

"It's really ok Mayor, just pay our normal fee, right yep ok well you have a pleasant evening too." Gilbert hung up the phone and handed it back to Clarissa so he could resume driving.

"So we're good?"

"Oh yeah apparently killing off a colony retiree eating creatures is a public service, and we got overtime pay, even a key to the city."

"A city that has like a coffee shop, 3 chain stores, and didn't realize an entire retirement community of people were missing." Gilbert chuckled.

"Yeah, I've got a couple keys like that, and they are always ceremonial, one of the saddest days I ever had was realizing it wasn't an actual key to the city." Clarissa hadn't thought of that, but it actually made sense.

"So do you think I'll be able to get my jeep eventually or will they keep it in impound forever?"

"As an apology the Mayor said he'd have someone drive it to the office, don't know how much of an apology that is knowing how cops drive, but you'll get it back."

"Well now that that's all wrapped up I guess we go back and cool our heels for the winter?" Clarissa had already been done with the idea of any kind of seasonal spooks.

"Nah just October, soon enough turkey farms will be calling to get us there to deal with wereturkeys." Clarissa laughed and Gilbert just shook his head. "I'm serious."

"Wereturkeys? Like the bird that looks up and drowns?"

"Well that's regular turkeys and they are dumb as hell yes, but wereturkeys are dangerous, they infect the stupid turkeys and turn them viscous." Gilbert had a look in his eyes that seemed to Clarissa there was more to it than just what he was saying.

"Do you have a history with Wereturkeys?" Gilbert nodded.

"My first real commercial job was Wereturkeys, and honestly it almost broke me as an exterminator, It was 1981..."

Too SpookTobery

93.

Gilbert had pulled into Mrs. Clausens driveway behind Clarissa's jeep. He was looking in the back of the van with his flashlight in his mouth trying to decide on the optimal way to open the front door. He looked around at the quiet neighborhood and was worried if he just blew open the door lock someone would call the police, but he didn't have time to just pick a lock especially if it was dead bolted or latched on the inside. He picked up a double barrel shotgun and an ammo belt with the rest of his bag of supplies and made his way to the front door. He loaded some solid shot into the double barrell and aimed at where he figured the hinges were on the door. The first shot knocked the door mostly off its frame, the second had it hanging by just the door chain. He moved past it reloading the shotgun with rock salt as he did.

"Knock knock."

The inside did look very seventies to Gilbert, but unlike Clarissa had seen it, he could see how broken down it all was. The Reeb was not trying to hide itself from Gilbert. It was dark aside from the light coming from the door way from outside. Gilbert turned on the head lamp he'd brought with him, he thought it looked ridiculous on the job, but he'd rather look stupid and live then try and juggle a flash light with the kit he'd brought.

Clarissa had said she was in the basement, so that's where Gilbert thought he'd start. He was mildly alarmed he had not heard her scream, but the creature probably had her gagged. Reeb's were a type of vampire, they liked their victims to feel fear to "sweeten" the blood according to the book Gilbert had. This the first one Gilbert had run into, but he recalled Larry telling him about them before, he remembered the name more than anything. The basement door was open, almost like an invitation, he knew the Reeb knew he was coming, he just hoped it didn't know he was exactly the type of exterminator that could kill it.

The basement had a smell to it. The kind of thing you almost swore you could see. Gilbert wished he brought a mask to protect him from the smell. He saw the photos Clarissa had noticed, he found Clarissa's phone, but he did not find Clarissa. Panic set in, Gilbert practically ran back up the stairs and cleared the rest of the house, no one was home. He emerged expecting the police having been called by the gun shot, but no one was there. It was only then he noticed no other house on the block had lights on. It was late at night but someone would have had a porch light or some kind of light on. Nothing, it was a like a localized power outage. He felt the hackles on the back of his neck rise up. The whole neighborhood was infested with Reebs.

****

"BE AFRAID OF ME!" The Reeb was now fully just what it was, a pale narrow faced creature with big black eyes. It had moved Clarissa to a nearby house and strung her up, she was next to the rotting corpse of someone. She couldn't even make out if it had been a man or a woman.

"Sorry I've just seen scarier." After the initial attack Clarissa wasn't really afraid of the Reeb, it was kind of a small pathetic creature.

"You're not afraid of me? I can drink your blood for months, draining you slowly until you'll be begging for death, and you'are not afraid of that?"

"I mean you smell bad there's that, but no? I guess not really you're just not that scary, kind of sad, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings." The rage building up in the Reeb was amusing to Clarissa, it let her keep from being too afraid knowing that's probably what the creature wanted. The Reeb through a tantrum as it left slamming the door, which caused Clarissa to laugh more. She wondered what the Reeb would come back with to scare her, maybe dressed as a clown, just the thought of that caused her to laugh more. Clarissa laughed so hard she missed the arguing in the hall until a shotgun roar sent the Reeb through the door into her room. Clarissa was relieved Gilbert was the reason behind the shotgun.

"What was that buckshot?" The Reeb's chest was open, black organs leaking on to the carpet.

"Rock salt."

"Good lord I'm glad to see you." Gilbert cut Clarissa down, and took out a squirt bottle from his pack spraying it on the corpse of the Reeb. The body started melting fully releasing a smell that caused Clarissa to cough.

"Acid?"

"Olive oil."

"Ok are we killing these things or cooking them?" Gilbert laughed

"Bit of both, I got some more shit in the van, the Reeb moved you down the street, but we should be able to make it back there with the stuff I got."

"We have more than one Reeb?"

"Whole neighborhood full of them."

"Beginning to hate October Gilbert."

Like No Rat

92.

"Do you see anything dear?" Clarissa had been in the basement for twenty minutes and aside from dust and more awful 70's decor it was mostly just a boring basement. She had actually been on her cellphone on the last 10 minutes trying to figure out what rat signs look like.

"No Mrs. Clausen I'm not seeing anything, but I'm giving it a thorough once over I assure you." Clarissa was disappointed, she assumed something had to have been down there, but she was more increasingly convinced the only thing haunting Clausen was her loneliness. She found lots of pictures in the basement, boxes and boxes of them of family members who probably no longer visited, it broke Clarissa's heart.

"Well you be careful down there dearie, whatever it is it makes an awful sound." Clarissa hadn't heard anything, she could barely hear Mrs. Clausen above her. In desperation she called Gilbert.

"So what's haunting Mrs. Clausen?" Gilbert was chewing on something Clarissa thought it was rather rude to be eating while talking.

"What do Rats look like?"

"Brown, big tails, big ole buck teeth." Clarissa rubbed her temples for asking an obvious dumb question.

"No I mean like signs of them."

"Oh," Gilbert smiled he knew what Clarissa meant the first time, but wanted to be a dick anyway, "Usually be some large holes, things chewed up, droppings, you'll hear them too, if they are big enough they make an awful thumping in walls as they go, its no shock people think they are monsters sometimes, you see any of that?" Clarissa didn't see any of that, She hadn't seen a damn thing in the basement other than the photos and furniture.

"No nothing just some sad old memories of a lonely old person."

"The real monster loneliness, god knows I've been there, maybe she just needs someone to talk to." Clarissa was about to agree when movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She thought at first it was Mrs. Clausen, but whatever it was had been white all white and not as big as Clausen.

"Gilbert I just saw something."

"Was it a rat?"

"No I didn't get a good look but it looked to be like chalk white and about the size of a small child." Gilbert stopped his chewing for a moment, that description reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. He moved to his books and took one down starting to just thumb through pages.

"Clausen wasn't acting funny was she?"

"Define funny she was fully dressed in like a pants suit and her house looks like a tribute to the seventies."

"That's definitely acting funny, hold on put me on speaker phone and keep your eyes open." Clarissa did as she was told, she didn't see the white creature, but she felt it watching her now. The feeling was like finally noticing the garbage smell in your house after months of not noticing a rotten egg, it put her at ill ease just standing in the basement.

"I'm not seeing anything, but its rather dark down here Gilbert, could just be my imagination."

"You ever hear the phrase your first instinct is usually correct?"

"Is that a phrase?"

"Yeah its a damn kids swear to god," Clarissa chuckled it was the nervous laughter of someone trying not to lose it, "Do you see any photos down there?"

"Loads of them."

"Is Mrs Clausen in any of them?" Clarissa felt that chill up her back again, she hadn't even thought about that as she'd looked at the photos, but she hadn't seen a single one with Clausen in them.

"Oh god she's not, she's not at all Gilbert." Gilbert himself felt goose bumps on his arm, he frantically flipped pages until he got to the creature he remembered.

"It's a Reeb."

"A what?"

"Pick up your phone, get your shit and get out of there."

"Who are you talking to dear?" Clarissa damn near jumped out of her skin, Mrs. Clausen was uncomfortably close to her, and now Clarissa could see her clothes didn't look neat, they were in fact frayed and didn't fit properly. Clausen's skin also sagged in a way that no normal human persons would and her eyes were too large with no white just black. How Clarissa had misssed this the first time, was probably related to what was in the basement.

"My uhh boss, I thought I saw some rats down here, but I uhh this is embarrassing I didn't know the signs of rats."

"Oh I see a rat too my dear, I see one right in front of me." The line went silent for Gilbert and he knew the Reeb had gotten Clarissa. Gilbert knew he had some time, but not a whole lot, thankfully she had texted him the address before she left. He gathered some things and didn't even tell Doris good bye, Gilbert didn't even belt himself in before starting the Van.

All Signs Point to Not Promising

91.

"Well I didn't want you to worry Gilbert is all." Clarissa had called Gilbert as soon as she had gotten to her jeep. She didn't want him to freak out that she was doing work, or be mad she didn't expect to get paid.

"I appreciate it, but you can handle this one on your own, probably just rats, though be careful rats can be mean little bastards." Gilbert remembered once he almost lost an eye to a rat suddenly lunging at him, he felt himself absent mindidly scratching near the eye.

"You sure? What if its not rats? What if its a secret Witch Cabal?"

"Well A. Witches aren't really a thing, I didn't say it earlier but yeah not a thing, and B. I highly doubt she left a note at a store to bring you to her secret Cabal that can not possibly exist in the first place. Make sure to wear a jumpsuit, don't want to get that dirt and shit on your clothes, also a mask, old places tend to have bad building materials."

"Yes dad."

"You'll thank me when you're fifty and your lungs work, have fun doing your spooky old lady house, I might have a line on something, its also probably nothing, but you said you wanted work." Clarissa smiled, her spooktober would be a thing!

"Sweet, well I'll check in with uhhh Mrs. Clausen and then check back in with you after I'm done."

"You do that, and on the off chance its job worthy be careful and bring our cards! This might be a charity case for you, but we aren't a charity."

"Will do Boss." Clarissa hung up and Gilbert looked over at Doris who was frowning at him.

"Don't look at me like that."

"You don't have anymore work."

"Well always been meaning to check out that ghost town in arizona."

"A ghost town?"

"Doris don't you have shows you should be watching?"

"You yell at me when I watch TV."

"Well I'm yelling at you now for bothering me, so go back to watching TV."

"Can't please you ever old man."

"DORIS!"

"Right right watching my TV, go look up your ghost town." Gilbert muttered under his breath he would go look up his ghost town. He secretly hoped Clarissa did stumble on to a real job, he already felt bored.

****

Clarissa pulled into the driveway and her heart was already in her stomach. The house looked like a normal rambler in a fairly average suburb neighborhood. The grass was even well maintained. Nothing looked out place, she double and triple checked the address, hoping she was wrong, but that was not the case. This was the address Clausen had provided. Clarissa didn't even know how to approach the house, she had on her jumpsuit with GD Exterminators she hoped that would be enough.

"Hello?" The old woman was fully dressed in a neat pantsuit she looked like she was ready for work at a bank or something.

"I'm sorry if I came at a bad time, Larry from the Double O sent me." Mrs. Clausen looked puzzled for a bit, and then like a light going on in her head.

"Oh the exterminator, come in come in." Inside the woman's house looked like it was the seventies all over again, walls painted in orange with deep shag carpeting covering the living room. The furniture was an awful lime green that Clarissa felt looked more like vomit than a good furniture color. Mrs. Clausen indicated a small table and some chairs she could sit at and Clarissa took her seat.

"So what exactly has been happening?" Nothing appeared out of the ordinary other than the decor.

"Its the basement, something is in my basement." The something sent a chill down Clarissa's spine, but she was also excited, maybe it would be a real case after all!

"Can you show me?" Mrs. Clausen pointed a shaky finger toward her kitchen and a door that was across from the stove.

Clarissa got up from the table and made her way toward the door, she noticed dust in the kitchen, as if no one had been in there in a while. There were also no lights on, but the switches were flipped to the on position indicating the bulbs had burnt out. Whatever was in the basement had scared Mrs. Clausen so bad she had left her kitchen and not returned. The door to the basement looked normal enough even with a lock to keep something in theory down stairs. Mrs. Clausen seemed on edge as Clarissa approached the door, she undid the latch and heard the old woman catch a breath. Clarissa cursed herself for not bringing any weapons, all she had was a flash light and her cell phone, she hadn't expected to be plunging into the unknown.

The door opened, Clarissa bravely took up her flash light and into the depths she went.

SpookTober

90.

"It's literally our slowest month of the year." Clarissa had recovered from her injury, but now she was upset about October.

"How? How is that possible? It's literally the spookiest month of the year and you're telling me no one calls us out?" Clarissa was excited to use all the new monster knowledge she'd been reading up on since she'd been out of action.

"I dunno guess monsters take the month off since humanity goes all in, I mean we'll have some jobs maybe, but it's mostly quiet."

"But how? HOW?"

"After all you two have done recently you don't want to take it easy?" Doris welcomed it being slower, it meant Gilbert wouldn't be on her about watching TV at work.

"I refuse to accept this lying down! I'm going to find someone being harrased by a witches coven summoning zombies and this month will be spooky!" Clarissa stomped out of the office and Gilbert and Doris shrugged, she was young she'd learn soon enough.

"The young are weird Gilbert."

"I think she just wants to be involved in something, I'll call around maybe there's some plague of rats or something I can scrounge up."

"You go looking for work? Are you sure you came out ok from the Devil almost taking your soul?"

"I wonder that myself Doris, I wonder that myself." Gilbert retreated to his office and Doris went back to watching TV, she hoped he would not be successful in finding work. Gilbert too hoped he would be unsuccessful in finding work.

****

"Seriously nothing?" Clarissa had gone to the Double O, it was completely deserted, not even regular exterminators were coming and going.

Larry shrugged, "It's normally a slow month kid I don't know what to tell you."

"But its a spooky month! We kill creatures of the night, you can't tell me there aren't any out there." Larry shrugged again.

"Well I did have an old woman come in..."

"I'll take it."

"Probably just nerves or the grand kids aren't coming, but I'll get her address just let me go to the back."

"Thanks Larry."

"Yeah just don't be cursing my name when you're stuck drinking weak tea and looking for rats in some old dusty crawl space." Clarissa was out the door as soon as Larry had come back with the slip. She was sure that this old woman totally would lead to a witches coven or a zombie cult, or something. It was october god damn it and she was going to do something spooky at her spooky job!

Independent Contractors

89.

Gunshots and screams. That's what her plan had come down to, gunshots and screams. Gilbert Dunkley had beaten her and she was left wondering how. Parker's minions were dying, the magical spells she'd worked, the time she'd waited and stupid bullets were destroying all of it. She knew someone strong was backing Dunkley, but it didn't matter, she'd lost, he'd won.

"Dunkley!" She screamed at him when the door blew open. Gilbert was not alone though, she figured he'd have brought his assistant, but it was worse he'd brought Satan himself.

"Hello Parker, good of you to be in such an obvious place."

"I should have known."

"You should have, I mean Dunkley is a great instrument, but only a master maestro could orchestrate this set up, and you were so kind to be stupidly easy to manipulate." Gilbert shot Parker and he shocked expression told the story.

"Are we done now?" Gilbert wanted all of this to be over, he was tired of the devil, tired of the list, and mostly just tired.

"I was monologuing Gilbert that was rude, and we are a long way from being done." The devil turned his hand slightly and Gilbert dropped the pistol. "Just like Parker you're too easy to manipulate, take away a toy, give you a new one, and a purpose and away you go, make sure its just dangerous to strip you of your support and here you are, now my personal slave."

"All a set up then?"

"Well I am the lord of lies, I would feel kind of stupid if I was telling you the truth." Gilbert felt the pull of hell at his feet. A burning pain that worked its way up his legs. And then it stopped, the devil's power was revoked.

"That'll beeeeeeeeeeee alllll today Lucifer." The demon game warden Santinni was there with Clarissa.

"What is the meaning of this Santinni you work for me!" Satan tried to fight the lock on his power, but it was absolute.

"Worked for you, but I believe as you explained it to me I'm an 'independent' contractor, annnnnnddd you are poaching, time to go to hell." Santinni snapped his fingers and Lucifer went down in a gout of flame. One final snarl as he went. Clarissa ran to Gilbert, he was surprised but unharmed.

"How did you know?" It was an open question to either of them.

"Your asssssssistant clued me in, ifffffff you realllllllly wantedddd to make a deal with a demon Gilbert, I'm hurt it wasn't me. Still poaching is a serious offense, and Lucifer will spend some time in time out, he will be back, so be ready for that." Santinni collected the .45s as they were "proof" of the crime and left.

"Thank god that's over." Clarissa hugged Gilbert again and he returned it making sure to be soft on her injured arm.

"Well its not really over, but nothing ever is is it? Lets go home, can you drive? I feel like I want to sleep for a very long time." Clarissa didn't know if she could really drive all that well with her arm, but seeing as Santinni hell magic'd her over there it wasn't like she had any other options.

"Sure, just like don't be bothered by the bumps." And so they drove back to Ellensburgh, the world safe again, for a time.

The Devil Lies It's What He Does

88.

"So that happened." Clarissa caught Demurra up on her interaction with the Devil. Demurra had actually been banished several thousand miles away, something she said was the devil being nice as he could have sent her a lot worse places.

"He must be really afraid of you."

"I'm sorry I don't follow you there."

"The devil wants you away from Gilbert, he's afraid of you, something he's doing here you can stop and he knows that and so he's trying to scare you off." Clarissa was even more confused.

"What am I against the devil?"

"So modest you are. You've stood up against creatures scary and strong and come out on top, the forest creatures alone are as old and terrifying as the devil and you went in looking for someone you didn't even know. The devil is afraid of you in a way he's not afraid of Gilbert and that power honey, that's real power." Clarissa rubbed her healing arm and didn't feel very powerful.

"I guess I don't see it."

"Because you were raised to be subserviant, its something that honestly ironic about americans, for all your individualism and standing on your own, your schooling and parenting generally wants you to subvert to authorities and never take a stand for yourself. You are told to obey obey obey, and yet sell yourselves as rugged individualists, its hilarious and sad." Clarissa frowned, she hadn't thought of it like that, but it made sense.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Believe in yourself! Slap the devil in the dick and help Gilbert or do whatever you want, Clarissa you're hurt and I know you've been feeling down about that, but this arm will heal, but your self confidence never will if you keep letting the demon's of doubt in your head." Clarissa leaned forward and kissed Demurra and things as they always do went from there.

****

"I'm in a fucking hurricane and Clarissa isn't picking up, this is like my week in a nutshell." Gilbert heard something slap into the van he could have sworn was a fish.

"She's not picking up? Maybe she gave up on you." The devil of course had decided to keep Gilbert company, Gilbert did not welcome the companionship.

"I remember when I didn't work for the devil those were nice days." The devil laughed.

"As if this is the first time you've worked for me, probably first open time, but certainly not the first, anyway buddy, I didn't want to just bother you for no reason I wanted to apologize for uhh sending you here."

"Why apologize?"

"Because the creature you need to kill isn't here, yeah before you..." Gilbert fired one of the .45s into the devils face. He figured it couldn't kill the devil, it could just get him not to be there, but it felt nice.

"So that happened."

Never Coming Back to Louisiana

87.

There weren't gators. Gilbert took solace in that. The swamp was gator free. But there was a large Weado, a creature he'd read the name of but did not appreciate the horror of until its ropey tendrils were laid in front of him. The song was like a concert reverberating off of everything deafening in its cacophony.

"The death man comes." The voice spoke in song in an aggravating way to Gilbert. Like a beatnick poet of stereotypes.

"You feed on people, and I'm the death man, sure." Gilbert couldn't tell where the creature was, mainly based in to shoot it. He figured enough bullets and he'd kill it, but it was one of those questions lore was empty on as no one had actually killed a Weado before.

"Working for the fallen, you will not win." It lashed a tentacle at Gilbert, but the size of the thing meant it was too slow, far too slow for Gilbert and the .45. He fired one time and the tentacle shriveled like a plant caught in the sun. Subsequent rounds on the rest of the tentacles he could see and the song was twisted and broken, the Weado's voice went to a wail of screams. It emerged from the muck its true form like that of a woman that had mated with a particularly large venus fly trap. Gilbert reloaded and filled it full of bullets and the sound stopped. The creature just oozed in the swamp.

"Well played I hate that sound." The devil didn't so much as stand on the water as hover above it, Gilbert hated him for that as he could feel with each splorching step.

"That why it was on your list?"

"Yes, just offended me, there are others mind you, but I figure air travel with a devil enhanced hand gun is frowned up on in these elevated times, so I picked one local."

"That's all this list is, things that bother you?"

"No and you aren't going to suss it out of me by being nosey, just like your assistant wasn't able to, lovely girl, shame you'll get her killed or maimed or whatever else happens to people like you." Gilbert looked at the devil cross.

"Don't you have something to do?"

"I do, and I'm doing it, I'm doing three million things at this very moment, but unlike primitives like yourself I can do those things and still find time to annoy you. Oh by the way everyone this creature touched just died, so you might want to leave Louisiana with a little bit of hustle."

"Thanks for that, you could have just not told me and then when the police arrested me come and gloated."

"You're working for me, you get tipped off, just like I know there is a road block being set up west, I'd recommend you go east, besides you need to go east anyway, next on the list is in florida, careful weather report looks like hurricane."

"Thanks." The devil was already gone before the words left Gilbert's lips. He sighed and tried to think of the roads to Florida and how much he hated Hurricanes.

Weadon't Do That

86.

"It sings to you at first." The little person's name was Robert, Gilbert had asked what he preferred to be called and he said Robert, not Robbie or Rob but Robert, "Just a tune on the wind, you almost think you're just putting method to ocean sounds, but the longer you hear it, the more the song comes to you, the more the song draws you to it." The sun had gone down, but the heat remained, Gilbert felt himself sweating even with the air conditioning on high.

"And that's how it gets you?"

"That's how it gets its helpers, people who start to make sure it feeds, make sure its insulated, this town used to be a nice normal place, full of unsaid bigotries, now all these people do is feed the Weado, they meet with it nightly."

"But not you?" Robert smiled.

"Still think I'm setting you up?"

"You said it needs food, I'm a nice chunk of dark meat."

"I'm not considered good enough to be a helper, it was devastating the creature that sings people to their doom is biased against short people."

"And you aren't big enough for a snack?"

"Not yet, Louisiana is full of good large people for it to eat, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried, so how do you plan on killing it?" Gilbert didn't trust Robert, he was saying the right things and being nice enough, but Gilbert also knew liars switch tracks to lie to you in a way they think you'll bite on more.

"Poison, I got some stuff that I just need to get in the pool with the creature. I got shit that can kill anything really."

"Anything?"

"Well anything except sugar ants, those bastards come back from pretty much anything, believe me I've tried things off the regular and nothing kills them for good, don't believe the shit you hear about borax, that's a lie spread by the ants, they love borax." Robert didn't laugh, didn't register it, Gilbert knew he was being set up, he slammed on the breaks and drew out one of the .45's.

"What the fuck is this?"

"I believe in politics this is called preemptive defense, get out of my van."

"You going crazy on me Gilbert?" Robert got out of the van and Gilbert noticed his directions had lead him directly in the middle of nowhere, just a road and swamp. Gilbert shot him three times, the green blood eruptions told him he had guessed properly. He heard a scream in the distance, it broke him out of a lull he hadn't realized he'd fallen into. In a way it reminded him of the forest's song. He went to the van and got some waders out, he hoped against hope there were gators in the water, and started moving towards the song.

Down on the Bayou

85.

It was over a hundred and Gilbert wished his van was a refrigerator. It was hotter than he'd been in a long time and he hadn't even gotten out of the van. He looked outside and swore he saw heat waves coming from the heat waves. The bait and tackle store he was parked in most certainly didn't have a very good ac system and Gilbert already dreaded the short walk inside. When he opened the door he felt the wave of heat and humidity hit him and sighed, it was going to be a long day.

"Help you with something?" Gilbert wasn't even fully into the bait shop when the grey haired missing toothed guy behind the counter asked after him.

"I'm looking for something strange." Gilbert had made the plea at four other local bait shops, he was already ready for the usual.

"Poaching's illegal, and I want you to know I won't support it."

"Do I look like a poacher to you?"

"You look lost honestly Mister." The inherent racism in the lost wasn't lost on Gilbert he'd dealt with it in every rural community he found himself in.

"I am lost, but I'm also looking for something, you ever hear of a Weado?" It was like the non existent cold found itself into the bait shop. The old man staring slack jawed to be disrespectful, closed his mouth and looked around like the very name could summon the creature.

"I think you should leave."

"You've seen it."

"Now, just leave now."

"I'm here to kill it you see." The man got out from behind the counter and he was armed, Gilbert had run into similar issues earlier and he hoped someone in the swamp would finally just give up the ghost. Unfortunately the influence of the Weado was too strong, he saw that now. He left and went out in the heat and humidity almost expecting a group of the creatures followers waiting for him, but the only person there was a midget, or dwarf Gilbert forgot what people who suffered from the condition called themselves.

"You're looking for the Weado?" Gilbert was hesitant, the information Clarissa had given about them mentioned they were sneaky and often would use misdirection to lead people to their doom.

"Nah I'm a poacher hoping to hire out for someone who can hoist a gator and keep their mouth shut." The midget smiled.

"You think I'm working with it?" Gilbert went to get into his van.

"Almost assuredly."

"Is there anyway I could convince you I'm not?"

"Take me to it."

"Deal." Gilbert suspected the small person was telling the truth, but even if he wasn't, if he took him to the Weado he could get the hell out of the bayou and into a climate not designed by Satan.

The Breaker

84.

"It's cute you think you could keep a secret from me of all creatures." Demurra had arrived with some balm to help Clarissa with her arm. She said it would help with the sling itching, something that Clarissa had started to have trouble with that morning.

"Do you ever wish you could turn it off?"

"Every day, its just one of those things where you'd wish to not know what everyone who sees you thinks or feels toward you, its personally draining living life looking like I do hearing the honest thoughts of everyone, if I hadn't been a demon I'd probably go back to being one."

"Ok so I hate to be that person..."

"But Gilbert made a deal with the devil and you want to know how to get out of it, I have no idea really."

"But you were a demon."

"Different ball of wax being a demon and being the boss."

"Oh the fallen still thinks of me as the boss that's sweet." The devil himself had arrived, dressed in a fancy suit and with a little name tag that said 'hello my name is Lucifer'. Clarissa pulled a revolver out from a side holster Gilbert had showed her once.

"Stay back Satan."

"Cute, like anything in that gun could do any harm to me, but I do love the effort, sit." Clarissa didn't want to sit, but was horrified at the devil's mentioning it, she was compelled to.

"This doesn't concern you fallen." And with a wave of his hand Demurra was gone. "She seems nice, though you have to always wonder if the feelings are genuine or if its just the hunger."

"What do you want?"

"To explain my side of this, apparently you and Gilbert are mistaken in my goals and this hurts me I thought Gilbert and I had a nice conversation. Also to reiterate if you break our deal you'll wish getting thrown into hell was the least of the things I can do to you." He said it with a smile, but the malice in the words made it clear Lucifer did not think he should be fucked with ever.

"That clears it up."

"I hope so, it was pleasant to meet you Clarissa, shame about the arm, but exterminating business is dangerous, maybe too dangerous for you," He smiled and went towards the door, "Maybe it would be best if you quit while you're behind." The devil left and Clarissa waited to see if he'd return briefly, and then called Gilbert.

"So you're fucked."

"This I was already aware of, I take it Demurra didn't have anything good to say."

"The devil himself, showed up told me not to touch the deal or he'll do bad things to us."

"Classic devil."

"Yeah he also gave me an ominous warning that I should quit while I'm behind."

"You get that a lot too, I mean I understand if you want to, but so many times witches, fortune tellers, oddly prescient grave stones, have told me I should just hang it up, but you know I'm still here."

"This is the new normal I guess."

"That's a good way of looking at it, so speaking of new normal, I need you to look up where you find a Weado."

"Someone who likes japanese anime?"

"That would be a weaboo, now Weadoo, w e a d o, its a water spirit and next on the list."

"Looks like swamps, and a quick google search pulls up louisiana as having a lot sightings."

"Fantastic, I wanted to feel like I didn't have enough deoderant on my balls."

"Gross."

Light Work

83.

"Well they're dead, or I should say redead, its always one of those things with undead things, are they really dead or were they ever really alive?" Gilbert's original target was a singular thing, but by the time he was done there were well over forty of the things dead near him. He had been on the phone with Clarissa, she was providing tactical assistance looking up the schematics of the old school he'd found his targets in. It reminded him of being in the army and it was comforting to an extent even if it only happened because Clarissa was badly hurt.

"So that's two more off the list this week, keep going like this and the devil will own your soul by the end of the month." Gilbert chuckled, he and Clarissa both figured the Devil was setting up to screw him over, but a job was a job even if it was with the lord of lies.

"That's something else I need you to look up now that you're getting better at working the keyboard with one hand."

"Like a thirteen year old boy with his first computer in his room."

"Gross, accurate, but gross."

"What do you need?"

"Deals with the devil and how to get out of them."

"Oh important stuff, I can always ask our resident former Demon."

"Was planning on it, just don't tell Doris she'll throw a fit, does she know you broke your arm?"

"She knows I got hurt and I'm taking time off." Gilbert chuckled again.

"Well you might want to tell her the broken arm thing before the 'how do you get out of a deal with the devil?' thing, just like speaking from personal experience."

"I'll keep that in mind." Clarissa hung up and Gilbert chuckled again to himself. He was thankful with the kind of goo and guts he was standing in he had put vaseline under his nose, he was sure it smelled terrible. Gilbert was outside eyes adjusting from the difference in light when he was hit with the spot light.

"Mr. Dunkley." It was a confident voice, one that spoke of getting what it wanted. Gilbert couldn't see, but he could figure what was waiting for him, he calmly reloaded one of the .45's.

"Be with you guys in a minute."

"Do you really think bullets can stop us Mr. Dunkley?" Gilbert racked the slide and took aim at the light.

"Sure, I mean it's all in the proper application of said bullets." He fired at the light and the night once again took over the front of the run down school.

In The Dark Everything Hears You Scream

82.

She could hear the breathing first, a wounded rasp like a ten pack a day smoker towards the end. She knew the wolf wasn't hurt though, she'd tried, but had failed and now it was hunting her in the dark. Gilbert was somewhere down there with her as well, but the storm drain system they were in amplifie sound in a way that he sounded like he was everywhere. Same with the wolf, she couldn't tell if it was next to her, or a good distance away.

Clarissa's left arm was broken, the creature had lashed out at her in the dark before she could draw a shot on it and the blow had been devastating. The arm hurt when she breathed, it hurt when she moved, it just hurt. She found herself wishing she'd just gone homeless instead of being an exterminator, at least in homelessness she wouldn't find herself hurt and hunted in some drainage tubes near the Columbia.

"I can smell you." The wolf's voice was slimy like a used car salesman. "You think if you don't talk I can't find you, but I can. Your partner is lost and I know exactly where you are, I'm playing with you, the taste of your fear is delicious. What you idiots thought coming after me is beyond me, I'll enjoy ripping it from your flesh.

"And I'll enjoy mounting your corpse above the fire place you piece of shit." Clarissa didn't have much left, her arm hurt and the wolf probably wasn't lying in that it knew where she was, but she hoped Gilbert too knew where it was and was just laying a trap for it. It's all she had in the limited light she could see in the drainage tubes.

"There there let it all out girl, soon you'll be screaming in pain as I eat your intestines." She heard a splash behind her and spun with her good arm an almost stabbed Gilbert in the chest, thankfully he caught her hand before she could stab him. He put a finger to his lips and indicated she keep talking, by twirling it in a circle.

"So do you want to be mounted like you're leaping forward or would you prefer the head up your ass option? I'm good either way."

"Such false confidence, I don't even know what you expected to do with your little bow and arrow, neither you nor your boss can kill me, it's rather insulting."

"And yet your hiding in the dark like a little scared puppy. I think you are afraid of us, instead of just killing us, you ran into here, terrified we were going to kill you, what did you do to piss the devil off anyway? Piss on his rug like a disobedient dog?" The sound of splashing and the raspy breathing came from all around Clarissa until she saw the skin wolf, its horrifying human not human wolf form bearing down on her. She crouched like it would do anything and then Gilbert fired, the devil's .45 was loud, way louder than any gun she'd ever heard fired, especially in the confined space of the drainage tube. The wolf looked confused as the bullets hit it and took large chunks out of its flesh. It landed not too far from her feet.

"What is that?"

"It's called a pistol, it fires bullets." Gilbert fired two more shots into the skin wolf's head.

"One off our list." Clarissa felt cold, from her remembering first aid, it meant she was going into shock.

"Right, good lord you look terrible, we need to get you a doctor and fast."

"No I'm good you know one armed exterminator in a devil hitlist contest."

"Yep probably a concussion along with that arm, come on."

The Devils You Know

81.

"I don't see how that was any of your business." Gilbert had been in the office for less than ten minutes when Doris and Clarissa arrived yelling at each other. He sighed, he had been looking at the list of things the Devil wanted and even with the pistols it wouldn't be easy. Nothing ever was in the business, but this felt even more daunting than usual.

"Its nice to see you two as well."

"Gilbert she went on a date with a demon!" Doris was red in the face, Clarissa looked equally angry.

"You did Clarissa? Demurra I assume?"

"It wasn't a date even! We just had a beer after we were on a jo... joking good time..." Gilbert gave her a stern look.

"A job you took a job while I was gone after I specifically said not to."

"She was on a date with a demon Gilbert I don't think the stupid job is all that important." Doris held herself a bit higher Gilbert could see the old Elf upbringing coming through.

"Demurra's an ex demon, and I doubt anything serious happens, she's all talk, I mean I dated a lizard girl for a while, it was weird but not un welcome, and you're being a bit of a racist here Doris."

"How dare you Gilbert how dare the both of you, I'm going home for the day!" Doris gathered her things up and left, Gilbert looked at Clarissa and shrugged.

"So how was Japan?"

"Sufficiently Japanese, how was your date?"

"It wasn't a date."

"Did you two have dinner and small talk?"

"Yes..."

"It was a date." Clarissa got red in the face and Gilbert smiled.

"Man now I feel like a jerk for yelling at Doris."

"Kind of glad you got her out of here so I could discuss our new client."

"Oh you met one in Japan?"

"Yeah, the Devil." Clarissa stammered a bit.

"Like the Devil the Devil or just like a Devil."

"Lucifer himself, seems our problem is his problem and he's willing to pay to get rid of it."

"You know last year this would have seemed weird, but now I'm kind of weirdly excited?"

"We'll make an exterminator out of you yet."

"So what's our first job for our lord Satan?"

"You ever hear of a Skin Wolf?" Clarissa had not, and two days later she'd wished Gilbert hadn't ever taken the Devil's work.

The Devil's Super Store of Savings

80.

"Where are we?" The lethargy was gone, but Gilbert knew he couldn't leave until the devil wanted him to. They were in what appeared to be an empty retail store, just stacks of empty shelves.

"When? Where? questions of a lesser mine's concern, this is my place that's all you need to know." The salesman exterior was gone, now the fallen angel was on display, blackened wings, a half human half something else body, long prominent horns.

"I'm not making a deal with you."

"Humans are always so wound up on your soul or your torment or whatever, I tell you I want to help and this is how you treat me? Should I deposit you back in the bazaar looking for something that won't help you, or do you want to at least listen to me?" Gilbert did want to go back, but the Devil was right, and that was what worried him, he agreed with Satan.

"Ok I'm in a bad place, things aren't looking up, what can you offer?" The Devil smiled, his lips were damaged in that even without showing his teeth Gilbert could still see them.

"That I hire you to deal with my problem." Gilbert was put off even more than when he had arrived.

"Are you joking? I'm dealing with god knows what, and you the fucking Devil want me to do work for you as if my schedule isn't already full?"

"Your problems are my problems Mr. Dunkley, what you face are upstarts, creatures not born of god like you and I who want something they should not have, and so I will pay you, and arm you to take care of it, you're an exterminator right? Well then time for some exterminations."

"And what will I be paid for my work?"

"You'll get to keep my weapon if you want, otherwise I do have regular currency I am Satan lord of lies, half the world works for me."

"Only half?"

"Did you miss the part where I said I am the lord of lies?" Gilbert laughed, he couldn't help it, this whole scenario was insane, but here he was talking with literally Satan.

"So what kind of weapons am I look at here, all I see is nothing."

"Well that depends on what you want exterminator, allow me to illuminate." With a snap of his fingers the empty shelves were filled with various weapons old and new. Gilbert wondered why he had them hidden to begin with, but figured because the devil is a showman, most liars are in Gilbert's experience. Gilbert looked over the weapons until he came across an old Sharp's rifle, he'd only seen one in movies.

"What's the story on this one?" The devil smiled again.

"Got a taste for long distances do we? That was owned by a bounty hunter, pursued people after the civil war brought them back mostly dead. That weapon alone has taken over two hundred and fifty lives."

"So it can kill, but can it kill what I'm after?"

"Of course, the bounty hunter didn't sell his soul for a gun that can kill anything for nothing."

"Single shot though, bad sights, still a pretty rifle."

"So utilitarian exterminator, here try these." The devil handed over a couple colt 1911's pistols.

"Nice weight, clean sights, story?"

"People always want to know where things came from, not where they are going to, but if you must know Army captain, WW2 lost his unit to the nazi's sold his soul to get revenge."

"Did he get it?"

"Bullet by bloody bullet, they'll take .45 no need for special ammunition the enchantment is in the barrel, though I do have something with a bit of flare if you're looking for that." The pistols looked normal enough, and were easier to conceal then his Naginata, but he would miss the feel of something that had cut a god.

"Ok I'll take these, how I'll get them out of jap..." Before Gilbert could finish talking he was back in his office, Clarissa and Doris were thankfully no there, he could see his luggage stacked up nicely near the door.

"I'm the devil and even I don't drink hotel liquor Gilbert you fiend." The devil was back to his salesman persona.

"It was a rough flight, so you checked me out and everything I take it."

"All expenses paid trip back home, you got work to do, but at least you have my guns to do it, I'll email you what I got on who needs to no longer be on the mortal plain."

"You don't have a list of names on a scroll or something?"

"Hell went paperless years ago, scrolls are so 1890s Gilbert try and keep up."

The Black Market of the Black Market

79.

"I could get in trouble just for showing you this shit." Gilbert had not left Japan like he'd been told to, he came here with a purpose and no old dragon in a fake prison would stop him.

"Come on Tyler don't start with me." Tyler Bogan used to be military, then he used to be a special envoy to the japanese, now he was just someone you came to when you needed something special.

"I'm just saying I'm putting my neck out for you, this isn't the usual demon horn scrapings, or blood of a virgin, this is the hardcore stuff we aren't supposed to sell."

"Game warden's aren't giving a shit about magical weaponry." Tyler sighed and unlocked a padlock, down below Gilbert could hear voices, and shouting.

"Ain't the damn warden's I'm worried about Gilbert, you haven't been paying attention to how things are."

"Yeah yeah dark war something bad coming, got it all from my apprentice and some dark guy who broke my ace in the hole, why do you think I need something with some oomph?" Tyler sighed again and opened the door, down below Gilbert could see the market place was already bustling full of all sorts of strange people.

"Just don't get this shit back on me."

"I don't even know who you are." Gilbert descended into the throng of people below. The smell always caught him off guard in these kind of bazaars. He forgot certain kind of creatures are a delicacy to people and the scent of cooking goblin always turned his stomach. There was a lot of junk and the vendors hawking it, ancient cures, supposedly ancient weapons of a bygone race of whatevers, just a bunch of bullshit, most of it no more ancient than the cd player in your car. Gilbert remembered his first time in a bazaar like this and how filled with wonder he was, now as an old man he just felt jaded to the whole endeavor, he was there looking for a diamond in the garbage and even then was worried he might not find it.

It had been two hours he'd been walking around before he came across the salesman. The salesman was a booth out of place. Looked more like a job fair in a run down bingo hall, than some kind of black market items. The salesman himself dressed in a powder blue suit with a top hat seemed just as out of place. Gilbert was ready to pass him by when he turned with a smile and sidled up.

"Good day to you sir, may I turn your ear with my pitch?" The words, the motions, all wrong, Gilbert knew this was something masquerading as something else.

"Don't have time for you." Gilbert went to move, but he could feel the arm on his shoulder.

"You spent two hours walking around, and yet you can't spend five minutes with me? Gilbert, please humor me."

"You are not what you appear to be."

"No one is what they appear to be exterminator, no one, this whole place full of liars, cheats, and worse, and I fucking love it, coming here is like going on a vacation," Gilbert didn't even notice he'd been place in a chair, and how the bazaar around him had seemingly been put on mute, "But I know you're a busy man, people to see, things to destroy, you need something, something that isn't off the shelf, something that isn't just hell fire, something reliable, and my friend I got what you need." The longer Gilbert sat in the chair every minute felt like an hour.

"Deals with the devil are bad."

"Who told you that? God? God the man who always wants people begging for his help, but who never fucking helps a soul? God who allows such evils to exist to harden your belief in him, I'll tell you sir that God is no friend to the working man, God sat idly by as people are whipped, beaten, raped, worse, where as I? I only want to help, I only want what's best for man, at least until you come home to my temple, you get a choice with me, you get a chain with him." Gilbert tried to stand but could not.

"Let me go demon."

"You need my help exterminator, and you came here to shop so lets," The Devil waved a hand and the bazaar disappeared and they were in a bright shiny retail store stocked with all sorts of things Gilbert couldn't even begin to guess at "Shop."

Chilly the Duck of Doom

78.

"Listen here Duck, I didn't scrape my way out of one of the twelve hells to end up stuck in your stupid world, let me out of here before I turn you into burnt the fucking duck." Demurra's hands were slightly a blaze, Clarissa felt warm standing next to her.

"You're not nice, I don't like you, go away, go away." Chilly waved its hand and Demurra disappeared. Clarissa felt even colder without her near by.

"Do you want to play with me?" The voice put a chill into Clarissa, even more than just the general cold. She could see poor Micheal by the cartoonish couch of the creature. Clarissa thought of her bag of things and wondered what she could possibly use against the creature if anything.

"Yes chilly it's why I came, I want to play with you and Micheal." Chilly's face changed for a brief second, Clarissa swore she saw a man there.

"Micheal isn't fun anymore, but you, you want to play with chilly?"

"Yes I do chilly, I even have some stuff in my bag we can play with, do you want to play with my toys?"

"As long as there aren't any tricks in there, I like to play tricks, I don't like when people play tricks on me."

"No tricks Chilly, no tricks, let me just open the bag up and you can see." Clarissa didn't know what she was going to do would work, but she hoped she read the situation properly, hoped Chilly was what she thought he was.

"I don't see anything fun in there, just vials of things."

"I have magic dust for you to play with, and a joke you can read if you're good chilly, only if you're good."

"I'm good! I play tricks and we'll have so much fun, you'll stay with me forever!" Clarissa grabbed the hoodo powder and threw it on Chilly, then she slapped one of the incantations on him.

"YOU TRI...." Chilly became an old man for a moment before he was dragged to hell, Clarissa saw a moment of sadness in his eyes as something reached up from below to grab him. Instantly the cartoon fun house of Micheal's room was gone. Demurra remerged too.

"YOU FUCKING... Oh I see he's gone." Her clothes looked rumpled and she had burned away the sleeves of her shirt. Micheal too was with them, though he was huddled in the corner rocking back and forth. Demurra approached him and said something, the boy nodded and then looked to fall asleep immediately.

"What did you to do him?"

"Soothed his fear, I'm not a monster Clarissa, he'll sleep for a good eight hours wake up and be mostly ok, what did you to Chilly?"

"Sent him on his way, he was a ghost."

"A fucking ghost? Really? I must be losing my touch, come lets put the boy to bed and call his mother if she's still sober enough to come watch the child."

"And then?"

"And then I go home, god damn you exterminators need things spelled out for you." Demurra smiled and Clarissa felt warm for the first time in hours.

A Japanese Hello

77.

Gilbert saw the armed guards waiting for him. A small contingent of japanese military personnel rifles and all just beyond the customs desk. He wondered if for a moment that they were there for someone else, the hand placed on his arm when he cleared customs dispelled that notion immediately.

"Gilbert Dunkley?" Looked like an officer of a type, but Gilbert couldn't remember if Japan used the same ranks as the american military

"If I told you no, would you believe me?"

"Welcome to Japan, come with me."

"This is less of a request than I'd like isn't it?" They shoved Gilbert into the back of a military vehicle and away he went. No one talked, the men with rifles were stoic the whole time and the customs agent who had stopped him said nothing as well. Gilbert half expected this reception, but he couldn't remember what he had exactly done to deserve it. They drove from the airport into the japanese countryside eventually arriving at what looked to be a prison, but Gilbert's Japanese was rusty and they drove by the sign too fast.

Inside the complex Gilbert was marched down stairs; past several security check points into an area labeled "high threat" as best he could interpret. The soldiers who had come with him remained behind at the last check point, it was just him and the officer past a bunch of empty cells. Finally they arrived at Del, her cell decorated in gold waiting for him, glaring at him.

"You can go now."

"Yes empress." The officer about faced and left Gilbert alone with the dragon, his deference to her showing the cell clearly just a display.

"Gilbert Dunkley the great betrayer."

"Don't you start with that bullshit with me Del, I'm too old and past the point of caring, I've been threatened, I'm jet lagged, and I only came here to ask a question."

"The answer is no."

"You didn't even hear the question."

"But I know you want to know if I can fix my weapon, and I cannot, I felt when it was broken, like having a fingernail removed, and I also felt the creature who broke it, you were warned and you'd do well to heed that warning."

"So that's that?"

"What else is there Gilbert? You are not a magical creature, you never trucked in it as I recall, you are a tool user, and I'm telling you that tool is broken and nothing can reform it, now leave me to my gilded cage."

"Whatever happened to you?"

"Do not presume to know anything about me or my business Exterminator, I'll be here long after your pests put you in the ground." Gilbert turned around to leave, "I see I hurt your feelings, but let me give you another warning, what you are digging into makes the worlds current problems seem like a minor event, you and your assistant are not at all the people for this job, these things will work things out, or they won't and the world will burn, you know either or."

"Helpful as always."

"I'd also recommend leaving Japan, but I know you're going to stick around, just don't put your nose in a place it's not welcome, you have no friends here." Gilbert didn't respond, he wanted to leave, but since Del wanted him to leave he knew he had to stay, he just hoped that Clarissa wouldn't do anything stupid in his absence, he was already afraid she had.

****

"So we're stuck in some kind of spiritual hell that looks like a child's show, this is fine I'm fine with this, yes."

You Were Expecting Something Else

76.

"Doris if I had another option..."

"She's a damned demon, you don't know what they are like Clarissa, but I don't trust her like Gilbert does, and I hope you don't either."

"Kid's missing, mom wants him back, I'm doing what I think is best Doris." Doris was less than happy to hear that Demurra was coming, Clarissa told Claire she'd wait outside for the other woman. She could feel the madness in that small apartment. Claire was losing it, every minute her kid was gone she was going more and more mad. She noticed Claire had no fingernails anymore, she'd bit them down to her finger, hastily wrapped band aids covering self inflicted wounds.

"Well just know what you're dealing with, she's evil."

"Aren't we all." The warm was air, but Clarissa felt cold all the same, ever since she'd been in Micheal's room. She noticed Claire had the same thing, she was in a sweater despite her apartment not having ac and had to have been over eighty degrees inside. Doris said a curse in elvish and left, almost like she was waiting Demurra arrived.

"You know for an elf she's such a prude, I thought they were all orgies and such, disappointing." Demurra was dressed like a business professional, slacks, buttoned up blouse with a neckerchief.

"Wow you uhh you look different."

"Well if I'd known frumpy was how we conduct business I wouldn't have dressed up so nicely." Clarissa frowned, she didn't think she was dressed that badly. "Oh dear messing with you is like playing with a small child, far far too easy."

"Well you're a bitch how does that make you feel?"

"About right for where I am, so fourth floor unit number seven right?"

"Can you like not read my mind?"

"Honestly no, if you had to live as I do for a day you'd be insane by sundown." Demurra walked past Clarissa shivering as she moved beyond her. Clarissa swore for a second she saw a bit of light jump out from underneath Demurra's collar.

****

"Denise Marinold pleasure to meet you." Clarissa didn't know who Denise Marinold was, but she figured you couldn't just go around introducing yourself as Demurra reformed demon.

"What do you do for a living Ms Marinold?" Claire looked even worse than before, Clarissa was confused how that was considering how long she'd been outside.

"Denise, and I'm a bit of a free range psychic, I know you're thinking that sounds crazy, but believe me I've been able to help lots of people including Clarissa and their boss."

"At this point Denise I just want my son back."

"Yes I'm sure you do, please allow me and Clarissa some alone time, in his room."

"Sure I just need to go buy some smokes and some whisky, if you guys need to lock up there is a spare key in the drawer." Claire left and Clarissa worried she'd crash her car.

"We've got a whole day before she comes home, she's going to a bar and she'll fuck the first person who looks at her nicely." Demurra's previous tone was gone, back was the weird russian accent.

"She's going through a lot."

"That's an understatement, you feel that cold? Its not the air, its what's in this apartment, it sucks energy right out of it, if you could see what I see you'd have never come in the door." Demurra took off her jacket and the neckerchief. Clarissa could see the runes more vibrant under the white shirt.

"So what's going on here?"

"Not a clue, and if you weren't here I'd just leave this woman and her kid to her fate, but since I showed up here I might as well scratch the itch of my curiosity, do you have anything like really strong with you?"

"Like liquor?"

"Exterminator shit, you know your job."

"Can't you just read my mind about it?" Demurra smiled and ran a hand over Clarissa's arm, Clarissa felt an intense lust briefly.

"Honey if you want to do that we can, but I'd rather we get out of the accursed apartment first."

Clarissa looked away briefly and then picked up the bag she'd brought from the house, "I uhh brought a bunch of different shit Gilbert has, and like this book I'd seen him look through once."

"Of course he'd have a book, so old school, well lets stop flirting and get to the task at hand." They went to go to Micheal's room and the cold grew more intense, before it was a general chill, now it felt like a blizzard. Each step towards the room in the small apartment felt like a thousand, by the time they got to the door they were both shivering openly.

"Should have kept my jacket on." Demurra was the first one inside, being in the room was like stepping into the deepest parts of hell to her. She couldn't place the feeling but she didn't like it. The kindle was where Clarissa had dropped it originally, it had turned on and the duck show Claire had mentioned was there playing, but Clarissa could clearly see a small terrified child with the duck.

"I'm Chilly, this is my house, you're welcome to come inside, won't you play with me, sometimes I play tricks on you."

"Well that's evil as shit, so you want to grab a beer?" Demurra smiled at Clarissa's statement.

"Pretty sure even if we tried to leave at this point little chilly there wouldn't let us, would you chilly?"

"You're in my house now," The duck said as the door to Micheal's room slammed shut, "Don't you want to play with me?"

It's Local Not a Real Job

75.

"Gilbert said not to take any jobs." Doris had called Clarissa at home, Clarissa wasn't even fully dressed from having sat around in a funk since Gilbert had left.

"Its not a job, its helping someone who lost her kid."

"Call the cops."

"They won't help her, its something we do."

"Like a job?"

"Clarissa just get over to my apartment building I can give you the address, bring some of Gilbert's whatever he uses." Doris gave her the address and hung up, Clarissa sighed, Gilbert said not to do any jobs, but a child was missing he had to have some kind of exemption for that right she thought to herself as she showered and got ready to leave. Before she turned the lights off she knew the answer was no, that would not be an exemption.

****

"They say he's with my ex husband, but I know that's not true I know it." Claire Dickinson was a wreck. Her face was tear stained, her hands shook as she talked and the cigarette she was smoking was the last of several smashed up in the ash tray in her living room. She claimed she only started smoking after Micheal went missing.

"Where is your ex husband?" Clarissa chose not to wear the work jumpsuit, if only because announcing she was an exterminator probably wouldn't have assuaged the mothers fear.

"That's the thing, he's missing too." Clarissa was afraid the police were right, but Doris seemed to believe Claire and that had to be enough.

"So tell me what happened?"

"It's that fucking show, something about it always seemed off to me, but it kept Micheal out of my hair and you know I just just didn't think a kids show could do something to a child."

"A kids show?" Claire handed over a kindle, it was smudged with food and other remnants of a small child. When Clarissa touched it she felt something, a jolt, not exactly static shock but something was off about the device.

"Yeah its like a cartoon duck inviting you to her house, it repeats over and over just different animals come over, but then I started to hear things, I thought at first it was just being sleep deprived, works been busy,and Micheal has been a handful, but I swear the duck was talking to Micheal, asking him things, inviting him over, I just wrote it off at first, and then one day I went to check on him and he was gone. Juice was sitting on the carpet, his toys next to that fucking kindle but no Micheal. I live on the fourth floor so its not like he could be taken out the window and I was in the living room." Clarissa felt a chill run up her spine, for some reason she thought of the forest, and the chill stayed with her.

"Can you show me the program?"

"That's the thing, its not there now, and I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I swear it was there, and now its not, I even sent something to Amazon and they claim that's never been a show on their device."

"I don't think you're crazy, I don't know if Doris told you what I do for a living, but sadly this is in line with that, can I see his room?"

"Yeah just past the bathroom, I left it as I found it other than just frantic looking under things."

"I'll be respectful."

"I don't care if you tear it all apart if you find Micheal." Clarissa didn't know what she could do, or who could call, but something was off here, something wasn't right. She wasn't in the room for long holding the Kindle before she heard it, a chuckle like that of a kids show. The device was off, but Clarissa knew that didn't matter, she dropped the device and took out her cell phone. She thought for a minute to call Father Timms, but this seemed outside of his realm, and Gilbert was right out since his decree about not doing a job would be broken here.

"Clarissa darling I didn't think you'd call, well that's a lie I knew you'd call, but how I knew is one of those things you're best not to know." Demurra's previous russian accent was gone, now she sounded more like a bored house wife.

"I'm in..."

"Trouble yeah I get that, and yes I can read your mind through phone lines, again succubus powers best for you not to think about it, so the kid's missing and you feel something bad."

"Real bad, I can't put my..."

"Finger on it, but it reminds you of the forest yes I get that."

"Can you let me actually finish what I'm saying?" Demurra laughed.

"Sorry you people are so slow at saying what you want to say, but yes I can come out there, don't know if I can help, but better than letting Gilbert know you're working when you aren't supposed to be right?" Demurra hung up before Clarissa could even tell her the address, but she figured the former Demon had taken that from her mind as well.

"Everything all right I heard voices?" Claire looked to be worse than before.

"I had to call in back up."

"You're boss?"

"Not exactly, just she's a bit weird ok, so know that's she's going to do her best to get your son back."

"Honey I don't care if whoever you call shows up stark naked, if she can get my boy back I'm all ok with it." Clarissa didn't want to say how true the woman's statement might have been, she just hoped Demurra showed up in more than the robe.

Messages

74.

"I told you not to taunt the universe." Gilbert had seen Viktor immediately. Not many people wait outside of Gilbert's office dressed all in black. Considerably less do so in the middle of the day sticking out like the sorest of sore thumbs.

"Maybe he just needs our help."

"In the sense that he needs to die, sure he needs our help, in that you think he wants to hire us, no someone like that does not want to hire us, you'll have to trust me on this." Gilbert exited the van and went around to the back to gather up his things including his Naginata.

"Mr. Dunkley." Viktor had a booming way of talking, like a child who never learned what an inside voice was. Gilbert shot him, three bullets didn't seem to do much. Gilbert charged forward with the Naginata swinging a wide arc, Viktor caught the weapons blade between his hands and then in a quick motion broke it. The sound didn't sound like metal, or glass, it sounded an energy conduit exploding. Gilbert was thrown back from the action. He landed on the ground startled at what he was facing.

"If you don't take care of your toys you lose them Mr. Dunkley, Ms. Shipley before you think about attacking me with something I want you to know something." Clarissa had exited the van and notched an arrow, Viktor manged to wrench her through the air to his hand, he strangled her to the point of passing out and she hit the ground like a sack of potato's Gilbert feared she was dead.

"You won't take me without a fight."

"If I wanted to 'take' either of you, you'd be dead, no Mr. Dunkley this is a message, a message from your betters, stay out of our damn way or I will simply rend you both in twain and be done with it, there are things in motion you need to just let happen. I'm going to leave now, don't make me come back, this town smell like cow shit and failure." Viktor didn't just disappear, he walked to an expensive looking car and drove off, he waved at Gilbert as he drove by. As soon as he was out of sight Gilbert ran to Clarissa to see she was doing, she had woken up coughing, but seemed mostly ok.

"Who the fuck was that?"

"I have no idea, and I don't like what I don't know, lets get inside."

****

"Nothing, I see not a damn thing on who that guy is or what he is." Clarissa, Gilbert and Even Doris were looking through various volumes to discover the identity of the man who attacked them.

"Maybe he's a god."

"No one is a god, he's just something I haven't run across before."

"You don't know that Gilbert I've been around longer than either of you combined, there are gods." Doris didn't like how dismissive Gilbert was to the God theory.

"Doris, Clarissa I appreciate both of you coming up with theories..."

"He's nottttttt a goddd." Santinni arrived to settle the debate. "Viktor Reane, someone who hated life so much he became infuuuuused with death."

"What does that even mean?" Clarissa could accept all kinds of things, but someone being infused with death just seemed dumb.

"It meaaannnnss you should leave him be."

"Yeah that's not how I do things Santinni you know that." Santinni looked at Gilbert and then towards the door.

"You make your oooooowwwwn choices, but know this, you make that one, you won't be coming home." And with his words of vague warning Santinni left.

****

"I need you two to stay here, and don't do anything, and I mean it, nothing, just take a vacation relax, don't bother anyone." Gilbert had gathered up his traveling bag.

"And where will you be?"

"Japan, got some stuff to get sorted, don't worry I'll take care of myself, just again don't do anything while I'm gone." Doris looked to Clarissa who sighed and nodded. Gilbert hugged both of them, "I mean it really, don't do any jobs while I'm gone, bad things are out and about."

"We hear you." They said in unison and Gilbert left, trying to remember if he ever sorted out his issues with Japan the last time he was there.