Friday, July 27, 2018

The Devil's Super Store of Savings

80.

"Where are we?" The lethargy was gone, but Gilbert knew he couldn't leave until the devil wanted him to. They were in what appeared to be an empty retail store, just stacks of empty shelves.

"When? Where? questions of a lesser mine's concern, this is my place that's all you need to know." The salesman exterior was gone, now the fallen angel was on display, blackened wings, a half human half something else body, long prominent horns.

"I'm not making a deal with you."

"Humans are always so wound up on your soul or your torment or whatever, I tell you I want to help and this is how you treat me? Should I deposit you back in the bazaar looking for something that won't help you, or do you want to at least listen to me?" Gilbert did want to go back, but the Devil was right, and that was what worried him, he agreed with Satan.

"Ok I'm in a bad place, things aren't looking up, what can you offer?" The Devil smiled, his lips were damaged in that even without showing his teeth Gilbert could still see them.

"That I hire you to deal with my problem." Gilbert was put off even more than when he had arrived.

"Are you joking? I'm dealing with god knows what, and you the fucking Devil want me to do work for you as if my schedule isn't already full?"

"Your problems are my problems Mr. Dunkley, what you face are upstarts, creatures not born of god like you and I who want something they should not have, and so I will pay you, and arm you to take care of it, you're an exterminator right? Well then time for some exterminations."

"And what will I be paid for my work?"

"You'll get to keep my weapon if you want, otherwise I do have regular currency I am Satan lord of lies, half the world works for me."

"Only half?"

"Did you miss the part where I said I am the lord of lies?" Gilbert laughed, he couldn't help it, this whole scenario was insane, but here he was talking with literally Satan.

"So what kind of weapons am I look at here, all I see is nothing."

"Well that depends on what you want exterminator, allow me to illuminate." With a snap of his fingers the empty shelves were filled with various weapons old and new. Gilbert wondered why he had them hidden to begin with, but figured because the devil is a showman, most liars are in Gilbert's experience. Gilbert looked over the weapons until he came across an old Sharp's rifle, he'd only seen one in movies.

"What's the story on this one?" The devil smiled again.

"Got a taste for long distances do we? That was owned by a bounty hunter, pursued people after the civil war brought them back mostly dead. That weapon alone has taken over two hundred and fifty lives."

"So it can kill, but can it kill what I'm after?"

"Of course, the bounty hunter didn't sell his soul for a gun that can kill anything for nothing."

"Single shot though, bad sights, still a pretty rifle."

"So utilitarian exterminator, here try these." The devil handed over a couple colt 1911's pistols.

"Nice weight, clean sights, story?"

"People always want to know where things came from, not where they are going to, but if you must know Army captain, WW2 lost his unit to the nazi's sold his soul to get revenge."

"Did he get it?"

"Bullet by bloody bullet, they'll take .45 no need for special ammunition the enchantment is in the barrel, though I do have something with a bit of flare if you're looking for that." The pistols looked normal enough, and were easier to conceal then his Naginata, but he would miss the feel of something that had cut a god.

"Ok I'll take these, how I'll get them out of jap..." Before Gilbert could finish talking he was back in his office, Clarissa and Doris were thankfully no there, he could see his luggage stacked up nicely near the door.

"I'm the devil and even I don't drink hotel liquor Gilbert you fiend." The devil was back to his salesman persona.

"It was a rough flight, so you checked me out and everything I take it."

"All expenses paid trip back home, you got work to do, but at least you have my guns to do it, I'll email you what I got on who needs to no longer be on the mortal plain."

"You don't have a list of names on a scroll or something?"

"Hell went paperless years ago, scrolls are so 1890s Gilbert try and keep up."

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