No Love For the Lovejoys

4.

"I take it back you are a monster." They'd been driving for two hours in mostly silence. Clarissa hadn't noticed it at first, but Gilbert didn't have a radio in his van. It wasn't just turned off, it wasn't there at all. She had never been on a long drive before without some kind of background noise, and driving the backroads of eastern Washington in the van was even more boring than usual.

"What did I do now? Fail to yield for a possum?"

"Why do you not have a radio in here? Like I assumed a cassette deck at the bare min, but you have nothing."

"Oh," Gilbert laughed, "Yeah I got rid of it after Charlie and I had a fight over music. He always liked this gospel shit and having been in the air force I was pretty much all gospeled out. I tried to balance it with my own music, but Charlie wasn't a man of balance and so after the fight I took the whole thing out. When he stopped working with me I just got used to the silence, I spose I could put another radio in if it bothers you, but you'd have to commit to more than one job for it to be worth it for me."

"I'm just surprised you aren't bothered by the silence."

"Nah working alone like I have been I've just gotten used to my own thoughts. Like wondering if the M's will be good this year, or if a movie I want to see is playing close by. I even talk to myself, though I try and keep that down, you don't want to be that guy who only talks to himself."

"I'll just make sure to charge my cell phone next time."

"If there is a next time."

"If there is a next time." They made small talk on the way to the Lovejoy's mansion. Clarissa found out that Gilbert was married, but not anymore due to his wifes death of a disease he didn't want to get into. Gilbert found out that Clarissa didn't have her appendix or gall bladder anymore, he didn't know why she volunteered this information, but he suspected it was to erase the awkward conversation ender about his dead wife. Both were happy when Gilbert pulled in front of the house.

"Now I just want to warn you Clarissa, the Lovejoys are the biggest group of assholes I have ever talked to." Gilbert had gotten out of the driver seat and moved to the back to gather his stuff. Clarissa saw him take out two fairly large knives and dip them in the fluid he'd purchased at the Double O. He then put the knives into separate sheathes, he handed one to Clarissa with a brown jump suit.

"Not my fashion."

"Not negotiable, we are professionals, part of that is dressing the same, on your own time you can do whatever you want, on my time you dress like I tell you to." Clarissa nodded, she didn't want to wear the suit, but Gilbert made a good enough case why she should, an again she needed the money.

"Ok just let me have the van for a moment."

"You can show me your scar, but you are afraid when putting on a work suit I'll see something else?"

"Can you just give me the van."

"Sure." Gilbert got out of the side and looked up at the mansion. It was a more modern take on home construction. Gilbert couldn't place what he didn't like about it, but he definitely did not like it. Clarissa joined him in staring, she'd tied her dreads back with a rubber band, it didn't look great, but it looked better than it had.

"These people are assholes?" Gilbert laughed at her just picking up the previous conversation tangent.

"Huge assholes, its one reason they have Goblins, goblins are attracted to nasty people, well either that or a nasty group of assholes left you a house full of goblins, but since in my limited experience with Julia Lovejoy no one left them the goblins."

"How do we kill a goblin?"

"Iron blade dipped in fairy blood, and yes before you ask fairies are real and they are a lot nastier than a goblin." He handed her one of the knives, Clarissa pulled the knife out to look at the fairy blood and felt a part of her child hood dying.

"So we stab the goblin?"

"Yeah pierce the flesh, just a quick stab and step back the reaction can be volatile." Clarissa didn't like the the vagueness to the "volatile" that Gilbert said, but before she could ask what that meant Julia Lovejoy came screaming out of her house. She was in her mid 40's with stark white hair, almost unnaturally thin looking and being attacked by two actual goblins. Clarissa wasn't sure what she expected, she almost have expected Gilbert to have been lying about the whole monster hunting thing until she saw the creatures. They were small, no taller than a toddler and scaly, she could see they had claws because they had scratched up Julia Lovejoy pretty badly.

Gilbert and Clarissa ran to the screaming woman, Clarissa got their first and pulled one of the goblins off of her. The creature denied its prey turned and slashed at her face, she held it away, but could already feel the strength of the goblin as it was wrenching itself free, and then it exploded in green blood and cuts all over her. She wiped the slime from her eyes to see Gilbert moving from her to the remaining Goblin. He, a more practiced hunter than her, kicked the creature from Julia and then made an over head hack on the creature. It too exploded, but with minimal mess on Gilbert or Julia. The smell hit Clarissa and she almost wretched, but she wanted to appear professional for Gilbert despite how mad she was at him.

"How many more are there?" Gilbert was all business didn't even ask if Julia Lovejoy was ok.

"I dunno hundreds they are all over the house, just get rid of the bastards, GET RID OF THEM!" Mrs. Lovejoy tossed a house key at Gilbert and ran to her car.

"It should be no more than a few hour..." She was in the car and down the drive way before he finished shouting after her. Clarissa had moved up along side Gilbert, she had cleaned most of the slime from her face and was worried about how much she'd swallowed.

"Volatile? Next time Gil just say they fucking explode ok." Gilbert laughed at that.

"If there is a next time."

"Oh there will be a next time, I didn't get covered in goblin guts to give up now." They moved toward the door and Gilbert could hear more of the goblins destroying things inside. He held out his hand for a fist bump and Clarissa bumped it in return.

"Remember volatile." Clarissa unsheathed the knife and nodded.

"So am I." And so the exterminators, did as their title suggested.