Shopping at The Double O

3.

"I just want to ask you a question that's it."

Shirley's Diner was a small eight table restaurant on the lesser used highway out of Ellensburgh. Originally it was someone's house, converted to a sunday brunch and workman's cafe in years gone by. It was the kind of place you hear about from a friend of a friend. Gilbert had taken Clarissa there because he said they had the proper amount of cream selection for his coffee and since her last meal had been lunch the day before she didn't feel it was her place to disagree. They were seated near the door, one of only two people there at ten am on a Wednesday. Gilbert told her it got busier closer to lunch time, Clarissa wasn't a fan of the cold air that blew on her when the door opened, but she put up with it for the free meal.

The two men who had come in looked immediately like trouble. Clarissa hadn't even really known someone who had done meth, but she had watched TV and these guys fit the stereotype clearly. That they were both armed with shotguns also told her they had ill intent. She wanted to hide under the table, but Gilbert of all people had stood up upon them entering and started talking; she thought more so than his claim of hunting monsters this made him truly crazy.

"I'm talking to you son, can I ask you a question?" Gilbert had his head turned, that gesture of trying to look smaller despite looming over the men standing in front of him.

"Ask it." Fast and spit out, he had dirty brown hair and was more unclean shaven than the man behind him, Clarissa saw him grip the shotgun tighter when he talked. She didn't like the gesture. There was the sound of a plate breaking behind Gilbert and the gunmen, Clarissa didn't turn around, both shooters kept their weapons tight.

"It's ok Shirley, these boys are lost, I'm helping them with directions."

"The fuck we are old man, get out of our way before we kill you dead." The second man spoke up, Clarissa didn't like the tone.

"Boys, what has gone wrong for you in life that this seemed like a good idea?" Gilbert finally asked his question. They didn't respond in words. The lead man tried to bring his shotgun up, but Gilbert already had the barrel of the weapon in his right hand, he brought it straight down into the shooters crotch and then smashed him in the face with it which sent him sprawling into his buddy, by the time the second shooter steadied himself he was looking down the barrel of the firsts shotgun.

"Now I know you're thinking you can kill me before I kill you, and I want you to think real hard on that, real hard, because you may wonder what its like to kill a man, I don't, make your next choice carefully." The second shooter put his shotgun down and Clarissa didn't even see Gilbert take a breath. He just stood there stoically over the two men, until the Sheriff arrived.

****

"So that happened." They had finished their food and got back on the road, the sheriff hadn't questioned Gilbert much, it was more of a nod and acceptance. Clarissa wondered if that was a monster hunting thing, or just Gilbert having lived in town a long time thing.

"Wasn't even the first time."

"You've beaten those guys up before?" Gilbert laughed.

"No, not the first time Shirley's has had someone try and rob it, starting to suspect I better find a place that has the creamers I like Clarissa, Shirley's trading in rough crowd." Now Clarissa laughed and Gilbert smiled, she hadn't seen him smile since the diner, she found warmth in it.

"You have to do that kind of thing often? Stare down armed men?"

"Nah, I was in the air force and I only flew cargo planes."

"I meant like as a monster exterminator."

"Not usually, we hunt supernatural creatures, real bad things, but we don't take down crazy people, that's what my taxes go to for the Sheriff."

"You just seemed to know what you were doing there is all."

"Trust me it was all bravado, you ever read Elmore Leonard? He's a western writer, did some urban crime stuff, all his guys were all these big tough talkers, I hoped maybe those two would see someone my size, see someone standing in their way and take a different path you know? And they mostly did, mostly." Clarissa nodded, though Gilbert's words about not wondering what its like to kill a man struck in her, it didn't seem like a brag, more of a fact. She knew even if he wanted to play it off, he'd killed people plural sometime in his past, and she didn't know how she felt about that.

They were on the road north towards Leavenworth when Gilbert pulled over at a shopping center. It looked like some kind of tradesman strip mall. The store he had pulled into specifically looked normal enough "Double O Pest Disposal". The initial displays and shelf items even looked like usual exterminator stuff. Clarissa was wondering if monster killing was so standard that Gilbert didn't even need specialized stuff for it.

"While I live and breathe if its not the last unicorn himself." The shop owner had a crooked "Larry" name tag on, he was short, barely over five feet and he wore suspenders that made his belly look bigger than it was. Hair was mostly missing from the top and what remained was long and slick backed in a style that Clarissa felt did him no favors.

"Larry its nice to see you, this is my new assistant Clarissa." Larry did a small bow in the aisle he came to meet Gilbert and Clarissa in.

"Nice to meet you Clarissa, I told him someone would answer the help wanted sign soon enough, but Gil is always one of those pessimist types, figured no one would ever replace Charlie."

"Charlie?"

"My old assistant, older assistant, don't worry he didn't die, he quit to run some kind of farm."

"Alpacas." Larry chimed in a way that told Clarissa Gilbert frequently forgot the type of farm.

"Right like a Llama, something about their wool? I never did understand it, but Charlie was a man of vision, told me he'd come back one day and we'd be alpacamillionares, I figure the money I invested in him was wasted on some scrawny animals that he barely keeps fed, I never figured Charlie much for farming."

"That's rude Gil."

"So Goblins Larry, I got a pack of em and I need..."

"Well come on come on before some normal guy comes in here." Larry lead the exterminator pair to the back and through a couple normal looking doors and into his own ritual Lair. It was bigger than Gilberts office, and better organized, but the various items and markings were still horrific. If Clarissa hadn't seen Gilbert's office prior she'd have been real worried by the Double O market place, but as it was, it was just something else to do with the new life she was embarking on. Gilbert seemed to know what he was looking for as he sorted the shelves and came away with a jar of some glowy fluid.

"Is this price right?" Larry shook his head and looked at Clarissa with a "see what I have to put up with smile".

"Gil I been telling you, you're one of the last of a dying breed, a true unicorn, and being a unicorn means I can't sell in bulk like days gone by."

"Right I keep forgetting its all corporate now, my phone doesn't seem any less ringing for all the love of corporations."

"People always love artisan extermination Gil, I mean your Slayer ranking is still the only five star."

"Slayer? I'm sorry I'm new."

"He means that dumb website where people keep track, I personally never signed up for that Larry."

"That's modesty talking Clarissa, your boss is a legend in this industry, anytime someone runs into something no one has killed they all turn to GD Exterminators, I don't believe Gil has ever failed a job." Gilbert was standing near Larry now, having gotten his glowy fluid and found his wallet.

"Not yet, someday I'm sure, don't listen to Larry, he loves to talk a bunch, lot of the boys love to talk, but ain't nothing special about me and Doris, we just been luckier than most."

"Modesty is one thing Gil, but I honestly think you have no idea how hard it is to kill what you kill."

"Proper technique applied properly Larry, like my daddy used to say about growing corn, any damn fool can grow corn, it takes a farmer to grow it right."

"Anything else other than your usual cornball hokum Gil?" Gilbert stopped for a moment and thought it over. Clarissa hadn't known Gilbert long, but she could tell he was actually deep in thought for a moment.

"Anyone seen Frank yet?" Larry's look told Clarissa the story immediately, she didn't have to ask who Frank was, or why Gilbert was asking.

"No Gil, no ones seen Frank, I think you know how this story goes."

"I do Larry, I do, its been nice jawing at you and thanks for the stuff."

"Before you go you want to look at this hellfire..."

"Nope nope nope Larry, I only like hellfire in my chili and you know that, sell that shit to the Orkin man." Clarissa looked back at Larry as they were leaving, he waved with a smile.

"Where to next?"

"The Lovejoys, time to do what I'm paying you for."