Stumped

70.

"I just think it's unfair you said I couldn't take a job, but here you are on your day off your birthday taking a job." Simmons had left before Clarissa got there, he had told Gilbert he was going to file the proper job paperwork.

"When you're the boss you can be the hypocrite, until then we operate on Gilbert rules."

"Well I'll never be a hypocrite."

"You know Clarissa I hope to live long enough to see that be true." Gilbert put the bag he'd requested down in the grass. The left over remnants of bodies was confusing. He'd seen all manner of dead bodies, and remains, but he'd never seen partially digested pieces like this. The bag contained a jars of various sizes and types, each one would react to all kind of creatures Gilbert had run across, he hoped one of them would at least give him a direction. He tried twenty different solutions, none of them so much as gave any indication.

"Ok I'll bite what are you doing over there with your fun with chemistry set, other than making the air wreak like six kinds of ass."

"Certain creatures fluids when they interact with something they find caustic will cause a reaction, unfortunately whatever killed these people I haven't faced, or I haven't killed them with a chemical before."

"Well think of it like a scientist, what do we know? Its a creature that likes water right or at least wet environments, it eats people so probably a meat eater, but not all of them based on what's left behind, and it leaves a slimey goo behind when it vomits or shits them back out, what's that sound like to you?" Gilbert looked at the parts, looked at the water nearby, didn't see anything that had smoothed out the ground from where the parts were and water was and shrugged.

"Nothing."

"Not even like some weird word I'd struggle to pronounce?"

"I am 100% completely unaware on what could have done this."

"Well shit what do we do now?" Gilbert shrugged.

"I guess we build a bit of a blind and wait." Clarissa sighed.

"Maybe we could bait the creature somewhow."

"You volunteering?"

"No you said you were fishing right and this thing goes after fisherman so..."

"You want me to be the bait?"

"You are the boss." Now Gilbert sighed, her logic was unfortunately on point.

****

Night time was falling, Gilbert was fishing though his heart wasn't in it. He knew close by Clarissa was waiting with her bow and some other supplies. He just didn't like being out front not know what he was out front of. The fish weren't even biting anymore, another sign something bad was going to happen. Gilbert decided he'd just start singing, some religious song he remembered from long ago.

"Aren't you worried that'll scare the fish?" Clarissa and he had radios set up, he smiled at her question.

"Fish aren't biting anyway."

"Maybe what's out here isn't biting either?" Just then the water bubbled, the shape almost taking up the entire section of water where Gilbert was standing.

"Doesn't look like I'll be that lucky."

A Gift To Myself

69.

Gilbert slung the cast into the water. The sun was shining, the heat was still pleasant and there was a slight breeze enough the extra gear for his fishing trip was not too cumbersome. It had been a month since his trip to the succubus and after a week of feeling bad he was back to mostly good health. He rewarded himself with a fishing trip on his birthday. He loved to fish in potholes for bass, and Clarissa promised him she'd take no jobs or do anything while he was gone. The fish were even biting that morning. He'd caught two earlier and let them go, Gilbert never much liked eating fish, he just loved fishing something that always caused people to give him the side eye. For him he could think of no better thing than to spend the day fishing, go home and then have a steak, a perfect day.

"Good morning." And then it was ruined, he heard the voice and saw the man with the glasses coming his game warden badge gleaming in the sun.

"I got my license, somewhere." Gilbert reeled in his line and went looking through his tackle box.

"Take your time, beautiful day right?"

"The best, its actually my birthday." Gilbert felt a bit of panic setting in, he couldn't find the license he had bought one that morning, he must have just left it in his van.

"Well happy birthday, having trouble finding that license."

"I swear I bought one, must have left it in my van." The warden who's name tag said Simmons rolled his eyes.

"Mind if we have a walk back to your van then." Gilbert sighed, he knew this was going to ruin the day. He managed to walk back to his van in 15 minutes, which felt faster than it took to walk in, but he assumed that was based on him having to find a path originally and that he was taking his time just enjoying the day off.

"You're an exterminator?" Gilbert went looking through all the paperwork in the van, he was surprised at all the garbage that had accumulated.

"Yes Sir."

"GD that stand for something?"

"Gilbert Dunkley, me." He found the license and handed it over to Simmons.

"Gilbert Dunkley? The Gilbert Dunkley?"

"If there is more than one that's news to me sir."

"Well I feel like an asshole for hassling you," He handed back the license without even really looking it over, "You're a myth a legend in the parks service, I thought the guys were just making you up, always one of those lowered eyes looking around 'let me tell you about a real scary thing I saw' type story." Gilbert had done quite a few jobs locally over the years, he never assumed he'd become a name to anyone.

"Well that's flattering, always tried to do right by your sort, especially when something from my line crossed lanes with someone in yours."

"Are bigfoots real?"

"Yeah, real nasty, like actual wookies, but intelligent enough you can talk to them if you aren't threatening, though its the kind of negotiation I'm not exactly fond of."

"So I'm sure you've heard of the problems we're having."

"I had not actually, been having some troubles of my own recently, something you think I could handle?" Gilbert didn't want to work on his birthday, but as a curious person, he also didn't like to just leave things as they are.

"I don't actually know, like at first we thought maybe just cougars or something, people went missing who knows right? Then we started finding pieces of them, parts of them, its actually what I was doing when I ran across you, I found something and was on my way back to my truck when I saw you, was about to warn you actually."

"All right you got my curiosity Mr. Simmons, can you take me to where you found the piece?"

"Have the Gilbert Dunkley investigate my mysterious shit? Oh hell yeah." Gilbert was still flattered by the adulation, but he also knew the park service could pay well if he was successful.

****

The sun was high in the sky, the beauty of the day overridden by how hot it was now, especially with the trek to the remains. Gilbert felt sweat beading up on his brow uncomfortably. There was also a smell in the air, like wet garbage, it was even worse than the rotten flesh from the mismatched body parts in front of him. The parts were coated in a slime, they didn't look so much as chewed as having been partially digested.

"Clarissa, yeah Gilbert, I'm going to need you to come down to Moses Lake, yeah and bring my brown bag, no not that one, ok not that one either, yes that one, I know I have a lot of brown bags, ok see you in a few hours."

"You know what we have?" Gilbert looked down at the parts again, looked at the sun's position and figured he had a couple hours before dark when Clarissa got there.

"Nope not a fucking clue."

Presentation is Everything

68.

The sign out front said "Chinese Acupuncture", it was in the middle of a strip mall next to a place that did pay day loans and a discount cell phone shop. Gilbert had only gotten worse in the drive, Clarissa had to practically carry him inside. The lobby of the Acupuncture place wasn't exactly winning Clarissa over to its healing powers. There were a couple old office chairs, some flyers for a chinese new year party that looked to be over a decade old, and the receptionist doing her nails while smoking, she barely looked up when Clarissa arrived. She was wearing some kind of asian robe that Clarissa forgot the name of, it looked as raggedy as the rest of the office

"Do you have an appointment?" The receptionist had a voice that sounded like a movie version of a Russian accent.

"Demurra cut the shit I'm in trouble." Gilbert's voice was more raspy than Clarissa had heard earlier, it sounded like each breath was a struggle.

"Well you certainly are short on manners, bring him back." Demurra opened the door and helped Clarissa get Gilbert on to what looked like a dentist chair, there were straps for securing him and Demurra quickly did so, Clarissa worried for a moment something bad was going to happen.

"You can leave or stay, up to you, shit's about to get," Demurra took a long drag on her cigarette and blew out a lot of smoke that lingered over Gilbert's body "Real." Demurra took her robe off and Clarissa blushed, the other woman was completely naked. Weird glowing runes etched into her flesh.

"I should probably go." Clarissa wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

"No honey stay, your awkward sexual energy will help this more than anything else, I promise I won't bite, unless you ask me too."

"Stay Clarissa, you need to be here, this is part of the job same as anything else." Clarissa nodded though she looked away, Demurra moved on top of Gilbert, Clarissa began to wonder if this was to heal him or just one final time with a woman.

"Nothing sexual, and yes I can read your thoughts, though its not hard, you wear them on your sleeve." Clarissa felt herself go flush again.

"She's a succubus, or was Clarissa, some demons reform, or claim they do." Demurra worked her hands over Gilbert's chest and he coughed out something black.

"Careful Gilbert, exorcism like this isn't exactly easy, hate for your judgemental old ass making me screw up my work here."

"Just remember I was married, you can't use your sex magic on me Demurra."

"I feel even worse for your poor dead wife." Demurra ran a hand under Gilbert's throat and Clarissa saw fire leap from her finger tips. "Gilbert where you've been, its not a nice place."

"None of them are."

"Yeah but this shit is evil beyond evil, were I you, I'd leave this to someone else."

"Were you me you wouldn't have to shave your horns down and pretend to do chinese acupuncture."

"Demon exorcism isn't covered by Cigna." Demurra ripped Gilbert's shirt open and pressed her hands against his bare chest like they were shock paddles. Gilbert groaned out in pain, Clarissa went to stand up, but Gilbert held his hand out to tell her to stay back. Demurra hit Gilbert again in the chest and he screamed this time, uncomfortably loud, Clarissa wondered if other people could hear it. Demurra hit Gilbert once more in the chest and then Gilbert lurched back and vomitted out a green fluid that slowly started to accumulate and form into the shape of a person.

"Demon." It's voice seemed to come from inside Clarissa's head more so than from her ears.

"Former Demon." Demurra had gotten off of Gilbert's lap and stood defiantly against the green goo creature.

"Not your place."

"Paying clients, rent's due." Demurra reached her hand out to the goo and bopped it on where it nose would be. From the impact a fire emerged and torched the rest of it. All that remained of the green creature was a lingering sense of dread. Gilbert coughed and laid back on the chair exhausted. Demurra put her robe back on.

"Gilbert will be fine few hours tops. He'll be hungry though, might want to get some food later." Clarissa felt awkward even talking to Demurra who had taken up another cigarette.

"So are you really a succubus?" Demurra's eyes lit up a little.

"Women always appreciate true beauty, men, they see a hole they want it, they fuck it, but a woman? She covets you in a way that makes you feel appreciated, back when I did that sort of thing I always preferred women, when I'd make them empty I'd make them feel happy as they went. But no I'm not a succubus anymore."

"How do you stop being a demon?"

"You saw the runes, they lock it away, or attempt to, obviously I can still do a limited amount of my previous work, its how I do the exorcisms, but my powers are mostly for good." Demurra smiled, Clarissa could see her teeth were almost fang like "Mostly." Clarissa felt unsettled something she figured Demurra did on purpose.

"I'll just wait for Gilbert to wake up."

"Suit yourself, if you want to have some fun, I'm available." The not demon laughed, and then went back to filing her nails.

****

"So what's the charge?" Gilbert felt terrible, and better at the same time. He had a head ache, a fever, and his groin ached in a way that was all too familiar from his time in the military.

"Blood of a virgin."

"The real charge."

"As you age you are not fun Gilbert, two grand, rent's due." Gilbert whistled.

"Two grand? Am I paying your rent for the rest of the year?"

"You want a price, I give you a price, I could charge more, what was inside you was bad, almost worst thing I ever saw."

"Almost?" Demurra smiled.

"A girl needs her secrets Gilbert, but yeah that was the real dark dark stuff, stuff not supposed to be out and about, you're lucky I am what I am."

"I don't feel two thousand dollars lucky, you take american express?"

"No, visa or mastercard, amex has expensive charge back bullshit, and they call me a fucking demon." Gilbert gave her his credit card.

"Can I see your license?"

"Are you joking?"

"Yes yes, god you people have no fun in your hearts." Gilbert signed the receipt and went to leave Clarissa following after.

"Clarissa my offer still stands if you ever want to experience a good time." She left and could hear Demurra laughing after her.

"You know some weird people Gilbert."

"Oh Demurra's not so bad, you should have met her before the runes."

"Did you?"

"No, if you can believe it she did that to herself, never got the full story on how or why, I'd seen a previous demon who did that, had to track him down and put an end to him, he'd gone back to being a demon and up here that's no good."

"So many questions."

"Can you ask them another time, I'd rather get home and get to bed I feel like I have six different ailments working to decide which one hates me more."

Not Better And That's Bad

67.

"Well look at who decided to emerge from a mine smelling so badly I knew you were coming before I could see you." Reverend Timms had both of his guns holstered standing over the melted remains of one of the deputies.

"What did you do Timms?" Clarissa felt sick to her stomach just looking at the body.

"Nothing, one minute I was shooting at them wondering if I was going to run out of bullets, next they were like this." Timms poked at the flesh with a stick and a toxic fume pushed out, he jumped back.

"Timms didn't do that, they are flesh puppets, kind of a monster zombie." Gilbert looked worse to Clarissa than before, especially in the light of day.

"You're industry is very weird Gilbert."

"Says the man who can't die who kills people for god."

"Don't bring my shit into your shit, your shit includes ghosts that aren't ghosts, and flesh zombies, that's well beyond just being a soldier for god."

"Fair enough Reverend, it was nice to see you, though I recommend we leave before people who aren't flesh zombies show up."

"Always a pleasure Clarissa, Gilbert." Timms went to leave and then turned around and threw Clarissa her phone, "Remember to not leave your things behind." Timms disappeared into the woods and Gilbert almost wondered for a moment if he was an angel and not the actual Timms, but figured that was bigger thinking than he should do.

"You know me leaving my phone behind really saved our ass."

"This time, not always, I remember I left a hankey behind once and it lead to a pack of werewolves chasing my ass down, and trust me not exactly the kind of visitors you want at four in the morning." Clarissa let that go and got into the van with Gilbert. They dodged around the police vehicles and were well on their way out of west Virginia by the time the sun was high in the sky. They weren't that far from the state boarder when Gilbert started coughing uncontrollably, it got bad enough Clarissa had to take over driving.

"What we did back there didn't help you did it?" Gilbert took a bit to speak, his very ability to breathe seemed like it was taxed.

"No, that thing back there, whatever it was, was just a pretender, the flesh zombies showed that, it was punching above its pay grade as a monster, but its not like the woods, whatever is inside me is more than just some killing to get rid of."

"What can we do?"

"I know a guy, he's an asshole, but he's the best at this kind of thing." Gilbert fumbled around in the middle console and pulled up a piece of paper.

"Wyoming?"

"Yeah, don't worry its a one lane town you can't miss the address, me I'm going to get some sleep." No sooner had he said it than he was out. Clarissa didn't like the sound of his labored breathing, and so she put her foot on the gas and hoped to make it to Wyoming sooner rather than later.

There is a Difference

66.

"And as the poison works through your veins..."

"Poison I ate something?" Gilbert was suspended from the top of the mine, the little girl creature in front of him, he felt kind of sick to his stomach.

"It will hurt you in ways you haven't been hurt, the poison so acute."

"I swear I would have remembered eating something, unless you mean venom, venom is what you get from bites."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" He could see the huge mother spider lurking in the back her fangs dripped with what he assumed was the venom he was being taunted with.

"It's a common mistake, I just assumed a creature as old as you are would know the difference."

"I hope your death is very painful Mr. Dunkley."

"Keep talking you're getting there for me." The creature screamed in frustration which brought a smile to Gilbert's face. Sure he was about to probably be eaten or whatever, but at least he'd go out having pissed off a creature from the some horrible place that shouldn't be alive.

"YOU WILL DIE SOON!"

"No I won't, you don't understand my assistant is still out there, she's the bravest person I've ever trained. She's already killed one of you creatures, she's a master tracker and probably already waiting to save me."


****

"God damn it I'm back at the elevator." Clarissa didn't know how she could get lost in a mine shaft that seemingly only had two ways to walk, but she had managed twice now to wind up back at the elevator. She almost worried it was the work of the creature disguising the path, but knew it was just her poor sense of direction in those dark  burnt spider filled tunnels. She was very thankful that other than the size of the Jade Naginata it was scarily light. Otherwise she probably would have been pretty tired dragging it around tunnels in the dark.

Clarissa stepped once more into the darkness. She could vaguely hear voices ahead of her, but couldn't tell if that was real voices or whatever was behind the spiders screwing with her. She was also terrified of all the burnt remains of the spiders, hoping against hope they didn't suddenly spring up like the fried nightmare creatures they appeared. Clarissa was so afraid of the corpses she didn't notice the large hole in front of her path. Down into the depths of the mine she plunged.

"... waiting to save me." She could see Gilbert strung up by his legs by some kind of spider webs talking to what looked like some half flesh glad child. Clarissa could see behind the child was the spider mother her fangs dripping with some kind of venom. Clarissa snatched up the jade naginata from her back and threw it in the general direction of the spider mother, which pierced the child creature and pinned it to the screeching spider mother in the dark. Clarissa didn't move at first waiting to see what would come, but the mine was silent, whatever feeling that had been up above was gone.

"Can you uhh cut me down now?"

"Oh shit, yeah Gilbert I'm sorry." Clarissa climbed up and with a couple jumping swipes that Gilbert felt a little too un-directed, managed to get him free from the spider webs.

"Coal mines are not soft places." Gilbert walked toward where the corpse and the child creature had gone, Clarissa sucked in her breath when he disappeared for a bit and then he reemerged with his weapon.

"Man and here I was just bullshitting about your ability good job Clarissa."

"Can we go home now?"

"Sure, though I am slightly worried about those cops outside."

"Shit you're right should we just like wait down here or?"

"In the nest of a dead dark creature with its spiders? No I'll face some southern cops versus whatever will come for all this bullshit thank you very much."

Step Into My Spiders

65.

"Evil tends to attract giant spiders, its kind of a thing." Gilbert had taken out his ear plugs, Clarissa had done the same. They didn't hear the music or feel affected, Gilbert surmised whatever was in the forest had its way of luring people and what was in the mine had its methods as well. The sight of the spiders told him that the mine creature didn't care about hiding itself or what it was.

"Giant spiders?" Clarissa hadn't even gotten off the elevator, just seeing the eggs and webs had scared her to the core.

"Bout the size of a dog normally, come on we got work to do."

"About the size of a dog? I'll just uhh make sure no one takes the elevator." Gilbert frowned.

"Suit yourself, though I do have to say that shaft was pretty tall and its dark up there, without someone watching a spider might be creeping up on you right now." Clarissa was next to Gilbert so fast it almost startled him.

"Ok so spiders what kills them? And why aren't you afraid of them hearing us?"

"Fire," Gilbert handed Clarissa some incendiary grenades, "And spiders don't have ears, they have eyes and a great sense of touch, so don't hit a web, but outside of that, burn the bastards, also you can hit them with an arrow to the eye area." Gilbert had no idea about the hearing thing, but it sounded somewhat like something he heard on a nature program once, and it wasn't like the spiders wouldn't know they were there soon enough anyway.

"So do we just..." Clarissa didn't even finish her sentence, Gilbert pulled the pin on his own grenades and threw them into the nest of spiders.

"Pick a spot throw a grenade and wait for the ugly shits to come our way, easy peasy." Clarissa threw her own grenades after Gilbert's and notched an arrow. Sure enough they came screaming at her and Gilbert. He had the Jade weapon and was cleaving them down like a video game, Clarissa got the ones that managed to get by him. In a few minutes time Clarissa was out of arrows and Gilbert's weapon was dripping the remains of the creatures. The smell was beyond awful Clarissa found herself wishing she'd brought something to cancel it out.

"You know kind of surprised there wasn't a queen." Gilbert had set his weapon down and was wiping his brow.

"A queen spider?"

"Well it's what we call them, big ugly looking things, bout the size of a small car, usually a nest this big would have one."

"So like really big with a bunch of creepy little spiders swarming around it?"

"Yeah, little spiders I've seen, but that sounds oddly like you're... its right behind me isn't it." Clarissa didn't get a chance to answer, the spider snatched Gilbert up and drug him back into the ruins of the nest. His weapon left right where he'd been dragged off from.

Clarissa sighed, "You know I hear if you work at Mcdonalds you don't have to chase after your boss who was snatched up by a gigantic spider, into the lair of an even eilver creature. I hear this." She took up his weapon and scrounged up what gear he'd left behind and descended further into the Davidson, her dreams of being a Mcdonalds hostess on hold.

The Davidson

64.

The air felt off just arriving at the Davidson. Gilbert had been in mines before, but nothing like the Davidson. Just showing up outside of it was enough to send a chill down his spine. Just like the olympic woods, same awful feeling. Clarissa and he were wearing ear plugs, they'd agreed soon as they left Robert Douglas's house to put them in. Gilbert suspected they wouldn't work as good against whatever was in the mine. That it would have adjusted to them not being able to hear the signal it put out, but didn't want to mention that to Clarissa, she seemed to be of the belief they wouldn't fail. Gilbert was setting up his gear when he saw the police cars coming. He knew it would happen, but he was sad all the same. There were three of them, two men in each, they arrived with rifles. Clarissa didn't hear them coming because of the ear plugs, but Gilbert saw they startled her with their arrival.

"I warned you asshole." Sheriff Dewey used the mega phone it got past the ear plugs. Gilbert just smiled and put his hands up.

"You dealing with it? You made a deal?" Gilbert suspected.

"Keep your fucking hands up." He could see they had itchy trigger fingers, whatever deal they had with what was in the Davidson had them terrified of him, but he was dying if he didn't go in there, and so dying outside wasn't any different.

"Why don't you boys keep your hands up." Reverend Timms had two pistols out, he had come from behind the police, Gilbert didn't see his car but figured it had to be near by.

"Preacher ain't nothing you need to be in." Sheriff Dewey felt something was off about the gun toting preacher, but couldn't put his finger on what.

"Dewey is it? Gods alive I hope you aren't related to a Dale Dewey." Timms saw from Dewey's reaction he was.

"Put them down before we shoot you, last warning." Timms shot one of the deputies in the shoulder, the police returned fire turning their attention from Clarissa and Gilbert to Reverend Timms

"Gilbert I'll handle these yahoos, you two get in there and do your thing, also Clarissa next time don't forget your cell phone in someones car girl."

Gilbert and Clarissa didn't wait, the gun fight was in full swing and both knew it was neither of their places to be involved in it. Gilbert wished he had more time to bring things from the van, but what he could get would have to be enough. Inside the mine they came to a lift to go lower, Gilbert punched the down button and hoped it was still powered on and working and thankfully it was. The rickety elevator descended into the darkness, old barely powered on lights illuminated a mine shaft that looked completely decrepit. Clarissa felt like they were descending into hell.

As the elevator clanked down Gilbert smelled something foul and pointed to his nose. Clarissa nodded that she smelled it too. Gilbert tried to pantomime what he thought it was, but Clarissa didn't seem to understand it at all.

"SPIDERS!!!" He shouted just as the elevator hit the ground level right in the middle of a gigantic spider nest with webs and eggs straight out of the movie Alien.

"Oh fuck this so much." Was all Clarissa could muster.